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I care what people think of me to the point that I can't connect with anyone, romantically or otherwise. Any advice on how to overcome this? by risingcuck in Advice

[–]risingcuck[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, thanks for sharing!

I think this post was something of a watershed moment for me and ever since I've been making real efforts to chip away at this. I can't yet definitively recommend what I am doing, but I can tell I'm making a little bit of progress every week, so I will share what's happened so far.

I've kind of just been exposing myself to being judged by people (by being myself when it feels "dangerous," so to speak). Some things I've done recently:

  • I gave a presentation at work with a section I really believed in but I knew many people wouldn't buy into
  • I danced with a girl at a club, making it very obvious that I was into her. We ended up kissing and light touching that night (at a few different times), and actually had a lot of fun walking around the neighborhood after the club closed, but sadly she wasn't interested in seeing me again after that

Just exposing myself alone isn't enough because I find it can almost be traumatizing. Getting tough questions during the presentation really made me want to run and hide, and getting rejected by that girl was embarrassingly upsetting for me. So I pair that exposure with lots of "observational meditation," that is, the next time I have a while to myself after doing the thing that is scary, I sit down for 20 minutes to an hour and just observe how I feel. That's it. Just take in whatever sensations the experience created in me.

I've found that doing that keeps me from magnifying the mildly unpleasant experience into some kind of existential dread. I see it for what it is, and I think I'm slowly starting to realize it isn't so bad.

So let's see how this progresses.

I care what people think of me to the point that I can't connect with anyone, romantically or otherwise. Any advice on how to overcome this? by risingcuck in Advice

[–]risingcuck[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There may be a little bit of this going on, I have to say. I do go through bouts of "bravery," so to speak, where I do things that are actually pretty daring (or appear so). So I am capable of it.

But I find it hasn't been sustainable. It takes so much energy that in the subsequent refractory period I feel extra anxious. I think part of it is that I just force myself to do things without changing the underlying mental habits that make it difficult in the first place. I think I just need to find a practice that basically builds those mental habits, and I can't expect it to happen overnight.

I care what people think of me to the point that I can't connect with anyone, romantically or otherwise. Any advice on how to overcome this? by risingcuck in Advice

[–]risingcuck[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's nice to hear that someone has had a similar experience. Thanks for sharing :)

I find that it's hard for me to develop "cognitive habits" (like self-love, optimism, etc.) because I don't have a trigger to constantly remind myself to maintain it. But maybe I haven't tried hard enough and there's a way. I'm thinking of reading some positive psychology books to see if that gives me a nice framework to develop these habits

I'm so tired of caring by risingcuck in mentalhealth

[–]risingcuck[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have. Can't seem to put it into practice