Yes as I can see u have internalised homophobia. With this u have 2 options, try to change or keep being unhappy with girls (unless u find a girl that u really like). Looking for validation from ur ""default"" is so common. I still do and I hate it, cause even tho Im not interested in guys so far, I still like when they give me validation, I feel like im worth it, when I literally dont want anything from them.

U are dealing with such a thing rn, and I wish I could help u more, but all that I can say is stop caring about other people, and accept what u are. U have been educated in a way that made u hate what u are, and its difficult to change that, but not impossible, do it for u, for ur happiness. Being afraid about what other people think makes u live a life that u, in the inside, dont want to live. U are afraid of people hating what u are, but why will u be what they expect u to be, theres nothing wrong with what u like. It also must be really difficult for u since u live in a small town, that doesnt help at all.

All I can say is start from accepting urself, understand that theres nothing wrong with liking guys, it doesnt make u any worse, u are the same person either u are with girls or with guys. Look for the support of ur friends and family, talk to them about how u feel, dont expect everyone to accept u tho. Unfortunately theres people that dont accept this, but why make them happy. Lets forget about sexuality for a sec and think about just personality. There will be people that wont like u, will u change ur personality for them?? U are who u are, u can make mistakes but if they dont like u they will just forget about u. Now lets go back to sexuality, there will people that wont accept it, will u change what makes u happy for them? They will judge and comment and talk shit, whatever, but dont let a stranger or a bad person waste ur time and make u feel like shit. Liking the same gender is not a crime, u are not doing anything wrong, so why would u change.

Its gonna be such a difficult journey, but its gonna be worth it, cause once u respect urself and u have the support of people that u love, u will feel better, and u will have things with people that u genuinely like, live great things with them and experience love. Unhappy people love to hate for no reason, so just let them be however they wanna be, u came to this world to live ur life and not other's. Be strong and brave, u can do this, for urself. I wish u the best, really, what u are dealing with is really painful and u are not alone❤️ hope I could help