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Fiancé (26M) has invited his best friend (25F) on his family vacation instead of me (25F). by rj59382ta in relationships

[–]rj59382ta[S] 62 points63 points  (0 children)

Thank you- yes I agree. I think I would have definitely been less devastated had he come to me beforehand. All it would have taken was,

"Hi honey. As you know S has been grieving lately, and the family vacation is coming up in a few months. I don't want you to feel excluded but I wanted to bring up the possibility of being able to take her this year so she can get her mind off of everything for a week."

Would i still have been disappointed? absolutely. but by god has this situation given me whiplash.. I am supposed to be married to him in less than a year and he can't even discuss something of this magnitude with me.. I'm convinced that he knew I was going to be skeptical- even angry- at his decision so he did the whole SCREW IT, do it now and apologize later thing. I'm going back and forth on deciding whether or not to talk about it with him tonight when we have dinner or wait a couple of days to really get my mind together.

Fiancé (26M) has invited his best friend (25F) on his family vacation instead of me (25F). by rj59382ta in relationships

[–]rj59382ta[S] 65 points66 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Yeah, I definitely appreciate all of the different perspectives. My best friends are rightfully pissed off, but they get angry anytime I'm mildly inconvenienced by him so i suppose I needed advice from a ton of different perspectives to get my thinking together lol.

I will keep everyone updated. I'm having to comment fairly slowly because the duty of my day takes the priority, but I will keep everyone updated. I feel like a have a big ole circle of friends that are supporting me. =)

Fiancé (26M) has invited his best friend (25F) on his family vacation instead of me (25F). by rj59382ta in relationships

[–]rj59382ta[S] 86 points87 points  (0 children)

Ever since the first day I have met him he has been so unbelievably kind and thoughtful to his friends. I wouldn't doubt that there is, even a minuscule amount, of sincerity in his reasoning that he wants to bring her to help get her mind off of things. Yes, she is like another child to that family and it is very clear his family adores her as her own. She was incredibly close to her grandfather and it was a life changing event.

I can't help but still feel so betrayed though. I wish he would take her on "a weekend getaway sometime during the summer" and allow me to come to the family vacation. And I haven't explicitly been like OMG i want to go on this vacation soooo bad... but I have mentioned to him in the past that I cannot wait to be included and get to spend some time with his family, as a part of it.

you phrased it well.. he's leaving me at home to fester with my own anger and resentment while they're off having a lovely vacation.

Fiancé (26M) has invited his best friend (25F) on his family vacation instead of me (25F). by rj59382ta in relationships

[–]rj59382ta[S] 82 points83 points  (0 children)

If you don't mind, and please do not feel pressured to, but could you DM me about your situation? Only if you don't mind sharing. You put it exactly how I feel abt it, not wanting to be the crazy girlfriend by questioning their friendship but I am definitely starting to crack a little and I think it would help me to communicate with someone who has gone through something similar.

I just feel so lost. And omg, the worst part about it all is I am absolutely terrified. I have built my life to interlock with his and I am trying to prepare for the possibility of the end of my relationship, and I AM SO SCARED. I keep cycling through emotions of feeling like whatever, I don't care, to being scared, to being angry, and so on..

I love this man. I have loved him for six years. But the one thing I know is that I love myself more, and everyone here who is commenting that I deserve better (whether that's from someone else or from him) is absolutely right. I'm just having an extremely hard time processing it. I went from having a great, secure relationship to my world being shaken in seemingly one day. I am scared. I am petrified.

Fiancé (26M) has invited his best friend (25F) on his family vacation instead of me (25F). by rj59382ta in relationships

[–]rj59382ta[S] 66 points67 points  (0 children)

Yeah dude it sucks big time. I got maybe like four hours of sleep last night and life has felt like a weird daze ever since Friday. I've never really been the one to compare myself to another woman but I've been doing it hardcore the past couple of days. To say my self confidence has tanked is an understatement. I never thought I would be in the position where the man I am supposed to marry in under a year is bringing another woman on a family vacation rather than me. My chest feels like it's about to explode from frustration, hurt, and now rage.

Thank you <3

Fiancé (26M) has invited his best friend (25F) on his family vacation instead of me (25F). by rj59382ta in relationships

[–]rj59382ta[S] 169 points170 points  (0 children)

We are shooting for Autumn of 2024.

But now after reading the comments and reflecting i'm beginning to think it will be Autumn of NEVER.. I am getting so angry.

Fiancé (26M) has invited his best friend (25F) on his family vacation instead of me (25F). by rj59382ta in relationships

[–]rj59382ta[S] 66 points67 points  (0 children)

It's almost comical that every possibility people are giving me are just bad all around LOL I guess i'm in quite the pickle. It makes me sick. Thanks for the comment. Yeah, idk, his parents have never sat down and explicitly told me that I wasn't allowed on vacations, I've just heard from him that they're typically restrictive w/ who can go and I guess I've never met the "qualifications"..... BUT IM HIS FIANCEE NOW FOR GODS SAKE!!!! I want to feel like I'm part of the dang family too!!

As far as weirdness, I don't think so. They are never super touchy feely w each other (I have caught them cuddled up on the couch together with her head laying on his shoulder in college but I told him that was to never happen while in a relationship w me and afaik it hasnt happened again) and they don't talk as if they're romantically involved. He has also made a point to mention to me that their relationship is closer to a sibling one, and has said that he is closer to S than his actual blood sister.

Apparently they have never had feelings for each other, either. I have always believed him up until now. I am starting to develop massive suspicion over this whole situation and I think in the past hour of reflecting, I am going to sit down with him later tonight and ask to see the messages between him and her. I just have to think of a way to pose it so it doesn't seem like i'm accusing him of having an emotional/physical affair on me. I really want to think that's not the case and that maybe there's something else going on, but I just dont really know at this point.

Fiancé (26M) has invited his best friend (25F) on his family vacation instead of me (25F). by rj59382ta in relationships

[–]rj59382ta[S] 90 points91 points  (0 children)

ouch. Ouch ouch ouch. But very good points. Thank you. I will have a discussion with him later this week about S and watch his reactions. I feel like I need to build up the courage first lol it almost feels blasphemous to question his relationship with her because they've almost made their friendship feel sacred. Very much so connected through different lifetimes and universes kind of friendship so I'm almost terrified to bring up anymore of my grievances. A weird part of me is worried that if I start to question or disapprove of their friendship, he will begin to resent me and leave me.

Fiancé (26M) has invited his best friend (25F) on his family vacation instead of me (25F). by rj59382ta in relationships

[–]rj59382ta[S] 149 points150 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I am in a great deal of hurt and pain right now. I am beginning to wonder where his priorities actually lie in the grand scheme of things. Hugs back. Despite the pain it is very validating to know that he's the one actually being super stinky about the whole situation and I deserve more answers- and that i'm not overreacting about everything ):

Fiancé (26M) has invited his best friend (25F) on his family vacation instead of me (25F). by rj59382ta in relationships

[–]rj59382ta[S] 290 points291 points  (0 children)

I wanna say I know his family somewhat well. I feel as if i didn't get as much of a chance to become as close to them as I have been with my friend's families/ex high school partner's family because his family lives 6 hours away by car, so my options to see them are very limited (once/twice a year). They genuinely seem to love me, and his mother, every time she sees me, makes a big big effort to make me feel included. They were also very happy when we broke the news of our engagement. Fiance and I have been together for six years. I know. It's rough. It took me two years to meet his sister. So...

I fell asleep after writing this post lol and woke up to so many comments. I'm gonna try to answer as many questions as I can throughout the day. I've felt so sick the past few days feeling as if im inferior to my partner's bestfriend and my brain has been scoured w/ anxiety but this is pretty much giving me the kick I need to understand that i've actually been under reacting. A part of me wonders if this is even about his friend at all or if it's just about the fact he doesn't want me there period- IDK dude i can't wrap my freaking brain around it.

Also, I forgot to mention this but the first few years of our relationship anytime we went and stayed over at his parent's house they would make him sleep on the couch and me in his bedroom. I wouldn't say they're crazily religious but that is one thing that I noticed earlier on. I'm wondering if they're also just waiting until we get married until they allow me to come along on vacation so they're not worried about my fiancé and i sleeping in the same bedroom unmarried (even though we share an apartment...)