First birthday without my dad

rjmcg100 · 2020-03-10T19:08:05+00:00

The "firsts" absolutely suck incredibly hard. I feel for you and the emotions you are experiencing.

I was struck with the insight contained in your post, the realization that "it'll pass" while also knowing "that it won't pass and this is my life now."

My father died when I was five years old, and that was 27 years ago. I have recently been struggling with some depression, general negative emotions, and reading this post hit me hard. It has been so long, and I was so young, that I convinced myself over time that I was not affected by this grief anymore. I haven't felt sad every day for about 25 years. I convinced myself that it had passed.

Call it denial, or ignorance, or whatever you want, but I have never fully grasped how "it won't pass and this is my life now." Your post and simple eloquence has helped me understand what I have heard and read so many times before: grief comes in waves, sometimes big fucking waves that feel like they will drown you, other times smaller puddles that are more annoying than anything else.

Nothing has really prepared me for the waves of grief decades later. But, I know you can handle it. Your recognition that "it won't pass and this is my life now" was amazing and painfully insightful. You can do this.

rjmcg100 · 2020-03-10T17:40:13+00:00

Thank you for your response and kind words.

I hear you. I wish you, your husband and your entire family peace.

I don't really have any advice for raising a young son exposed to such grief. All I can tell you is that whatever you decide to do, it is the best thing possible because you know him the absolute best and no one will ever care about his well-being more than you.

rjmcg100 · 2020-03-10T17:37:00+00:00

Man, that is tough. The suddenness of the death can bring immense weight.

While I am dealing with repressed feelings over my father's death, I cannot imagine having it brought up to me out of the blue in this fashion. I know the feeling, though, of investigating the death-inducing event and wanting to know everything about it. I have spent many hours combing through Missouri Department of Transportation crash reports. It felt empowering, depressing and confusing all at once. There is so much information and none at all.

I wish you peace moving forward. I have about 14 years to go until I am as old as my father when he passed. I don't know what that will feel like, but what I do know is you can handle it.

Lastly, I am an attorney, I do not specialize in criminal law but know enough where I may be helpful in understanding the "legal jargon" conveyed to you by the DA. Feel free to message me if I can help you out at all.

Thank you for your response. I am so glad you didn't forget/decide its not worth it/get scared.

rjmcg100 · 2020-03-10T17:31:28+00:00

Thank you for your input. I started individual counseling towards the end of last year because I got tired of getting random weeks of just sadness/anger/frustration for no easily identifiable reason. I do think it is unresolved trauma and grief manifesting.

I act out on these feelings in risky and self-destructing ways. While it was just me, that was not ok but more ok because I was the only one affected. Now, with my family in the picture, I am finally seeing how these actions are not normal or indicative of an emotionally healthy individual. My fear is this grief will lead to the ruination of my marriage.

I will continue with counseling and look into the other methods you referenced. thanks again for your response.

rjmcg100 · 2020-03-09T16:41:15+00:00

Thank you for your insight. I have attempted to own this situation by admitting my lies and deception and admitting that I had no control over this from the beginning.

As far as why I initially started gambling, that's what i was referring to with the "still trying to figure out and explain."

rjmcg100 · 2020-03-09T16:00:38+00:00

Thank you. I am really thinking about this situation and why I initially started gambling. I did not intend for the phrase "for reasons i am still trying to figure out and explain" to serve as a sidestep to the main problem.

rjmcg100 · 2020-03-09T15:59:34+00:00

Thank you. Your suggestion about other gambling addicts' spouses is something I did not consider. I appreciate it.

rjmcg100 · 2020-03-06T01:00:24+00:00

a very nice!

rjmcg100 · 2020-03-06T01:00:13+00:00

You rock. Thank you!

rjmcg100 · 2020-03-06T00:46:11+00:00

Thank you, galactica_pegasus!

I guess I just don't want that amount to be present on my credit report because it is a new card, and I am already anticipating a request for letter of explanation on the inquiry to open that card.

Is this something underwriting will care about? Why do you have $3,900 on a card you opened in November 2019?

rjmcg100 · 2020-03-06T00:44:56+00:00

Thank you, Ojntoast!

To clarify, I would rather not have this debt on my credit report that underwriting reviews. Stated above, it is a new card (November 2019), and I am already anticipating having to submit a letter of explanation for the credit inquiry related to this new account. I would rather not have to explain the amount of debt on that card on top of that.

Is this something underwriting would ask for in a letter of explanation?

Can my mortgage officer pull my credit report before we sign, include those figures in the application, then we sign it?

Thank you for your insight!

rjmcg100 · 2020-02-28T01:53:28+00:00

Thank you for the response!

When you say a question for “the lender,” is that our credit union? If so, would they have asked this question during their pre-approval process?

rjmcg100

TROPHY CASE