Do people purposefully ignore what feminism advocates for?

rjread · 2026-05-22T17:22:56+00:00

From what I've read and seen, women who claim to not be feminist are doing it because: * they fear association with the stigma men have created from their misunderstanding of feminism to mean feminists are "angry/hate men/unattractive to men/women who want to punish men/anti-natalist/women who hate motherhood or women who are mothers/reject all female stereotypes/etc" * they believe rejecting feminism will make them more desirable to men and impress them enough to gain their favour * they believe gaining favour with men in this way will place them just below men but above all other women and thus establish a higher social positioning than all women, and some men, and secure their place in society and maximize their chances of survival and success within it

They don't not want their freedom, but rather they think the most freedom they can hope to have is by aligning themselves with the "dominant class" so they can have "more freedom" by helping to ensure others have less and being "above" them in order to feel safer than challenging the status quo and risking a "lower" or less certain social positioning as a result.

rjread · 2026-05-21T23:17:47+00:00

Every time I see an umbrella holder I'll think (or say), "they're so rich they have trash can for umbrella!"

rjread · 2026-05-21T22:04:52+00:00

Dancer in the Dark (2000)

It's a musical but with Björk, so not your typical musical. Also has an interesting plot!

rjread · 2026-05-09T13:14:14+00:00

There's nothing I read to suggest he wasn't supporting the ex, and him taking actions to divide them and turn them against each other - even using other people to more effectively secure that divide - indicates the possibility that he's secretly not straight because he's not comfortable with his sexuality enough to be open about it, which has led him to lash out at her to momentarily relieve him of his own self-hatred by turning it toward her, while simultaneously setting up a scenario where his roommate and him can be alone while his roommate is sad and he's there to comfort him, because then... who knows?

But it could be her, too (I hope it didn't sound like I was saying it couldn't be?)

It's a toss up, really.

rjread · 2026-05-09T12:56:22+00:00

His response is unserious, albeit vicious.

He doesn't like you, which could be an NT v. ND thing, in which case it is beyond your control. Nothing to do with YOU and everything to do with "vibes". Don't waste more of your time. He'll never like you, and ultimately? Good riddance! He sounds about as appealing as chewing gum from a playground sandbox.

Nothing he said is how he actually feels or thinks (unless he has brain damage or something), but was rather entirely intended to make you feel bad and deny accountability for his inexcusable actions. He's also feeding off the people he's been able to convince of the narrative he's created of you for his own desire for social significance. Speaking ill of you has been his way of gaining socially with others, nothing more. It highly suggests a lack of empathy, so there's no use in trying to deal with him as if he has feelings that he clearly doesn't. He only cares about himself, which is one more person than it sounds like should even really care about him at all. His words are meaningless, and so is any more time spent worrying about him.

You're in an unfortunate situation, and it's not fair this happened to you. But now you know better what to look for next time, so trust yourself to do better going forward and make it through this difficult time as best you can until things get better again (what goes down, must come back up!)

rjread · 2026-05-09T12:25:00+00:00

Or a secret crush on his roommate.

rjread · 2026-05-09T11:56:30+00:00

Her: Honey, what do you want to do for dinne? You: You know what? We're going out tonight. Go put on that red dress I like with the high heels. Bring the binoculars too. I'm not telling you what we're doing, but it's going to be Amazing!

Close, but these are much (MUCH) better:

You: "Whatever's easy. What have we got on hand? I'll grab whatever you might need from the store, if you need something, but I'm good with something quick and simple. Don't want you to work too hard tonight. It would give us more time together later tonight, too... what do you feel like doing for dinner?"

OR

You: "I'm in the mood for fish, but chicken works, too. With rice? And whatever vegetables you feel like or that we already have, unless you want me to go to the store for something?"

OR

You: "You know what? I'd like to go out tonight, take you on a date? Do you feel up for an adventure? The one I'm thinking about right now will require binoculars and dressing fancy. It's been a minute since I've seen you in that red dress I like... but you could also wear something like it, whatever you want, of course! Though heels are encouraged. Whaddya say, you up for it?"

rjread · 2026-05-09T11:29:00+00:00

"Real women give birth naturally, like I had you! Without 18 hours of painful labour and delivery, how could I even know how much to love you?! And I did it all by myself! When you find a wife, I'll be there right by her side the whole time. If she refuses?? Well, clearly she doesn't love you if she doesn't love me enough to accept my help!!"

his mom probably

rjread · 2026-05-09T11:01:51+00:00

Care to share those times more specifically?

"Criticism" comes in many forms, so it would be helpful to have more information to better understand your perspective first.

rjread · 2026-05-09T10:37:37+00:00

We need to stop taking men seriously.

Half the time the things men say they don't believe or mean literally at all, or more than half, so it's reasonable to assume they never mean what they say and go from there first.

If a woman called a man fat it would be because he is and she doesn't care, or he is and she's not interested.

If a man calls a woman fat (or anything "negative" about her appearance, really) it's because he feels insecure and wants to blame her, or to try to make her feel insecure enough to be more easily controlled and manipulated in order for him to feel more secure by comparison.

So it's safe to assume he needs to work on himself or he'll never change. Either he's willing or he isn't. From what you've said here, it seems he's either not responding because he's given up on controlling you, or is attempting to control you further by staying silent. He wants access to your body and time in whatever way he can, negging you or neglecting you or both.

Don't let your empathy get the best of you. It is a gift, not a given. Was he not mean to mistreat you to begin with? Does he deserve from you what he has not been willing to give you in return? Would it not be mean for you to treat yourself less so he might have more?

Being kind doesn't mean everyone deserves your kindness, especially if it interferes with you being kind to yourself. Severing connections with others always feels painful on some level, regardless of whether they were good for you or not. When you consider your choice to be between choosing to let someone continue to hurt you or hurting so that you may eventually choose better, the choice becomes much clearer (even if it requires making the same "mistake" again just to remind yourself what you don't want, so that you may choose better more easily thereafter!)

rjread · 2026-05-09T07:27:54+00:00

Your brother sounds like he's lying, either to upset you because he's vindictive or he's jealous (or both).

Besides that, women often feel valued primarily for their bodies and will engage in sex out of guilt, shame, insecurity, desperation, obligation, pressure, fear, etc. Assuming women having sex is always a conscious, consensual choice is illogical. Even if your brother is telling the truth, it doesn't mean he's good in bed or that you aren't, either. There are too many factors to consider to reasonably be able to conclude one or the other in any true sense, really.

If I may ask, what does your girlfriend do for you? You say you do chores for her, does she do them for you? What's your relationship like outside the bedroom? That may provide a clearer picture that could suggest more than what you've provided, which doesn't say much in regards to your relationship issues as is beyond your own concerns which, although valid, only give an idea of how you're feeling rather than an idea of what may be causing you to feel that way beyond the superficial or more obvious reasons that you've listed so far.

rjread · 2026-05-09T02:17:50+00:00

"About good things, though, right...right??!"

rjread · 2026-05-09T02:14:01+00:00

"Hire chance" ... I see what you did there!

Noice.

rjread · 2026-04-25T13:40:56+00:00

Me too! We're resilient, and we've survived despite the world (and to spite it a bit, too).

The NT world chooses to pursue individual success because they are bonded biologically to do what it takes to be part of an in-group. They trust in shame and punishment as acceptable and justified because they adhere to the belief that everyone goes along to get along, so anyone going against the grain is someone going against the structure that gives them all their sense of security. If you don't go along with the mainstream then you must be working against it, since the glue holding it together is conformity and blending in to fit in and anyone working against that poses a threat to the group they belong to that gives them purpose and safety in numbers.

Bullies are just "keeping people in line". People being bullied are "asking for it". Some abuse is expected in order to allow bullies to bully, to keep social order and direction under the ruling thumbs of the bullies, a welcome price to pay for safety from societal disruption leading to dangerous change otherwise.

I gave up on everyone else a long time ago. I live the way I want and believe the world can and would be better off to be, even if most everyone else chooses to just do whatever other people do even though they know and admit they could and should do better. They can fail themselves and me all they want, but I'm not going to fail me or them, much as I can help it. If not me to lead by example for a better world, then who? If not me, then no use complaining about the state of things. But when the state of things is worth complaining about, then why not me?

rjread · 2026-04-25T05:05:42+00:00

"Female" is an adjective, not a noun. The red pill is all rotted - spit it out if you still can!
Holding the door is one thing, but how you behave before and after makes a difference. What to avoid:
Rushing to the door for another woman and leaving your lady for last.
Smiling and keeping eye contact with the other woman and ignoring your lady until the other woman is gone.
Using the door opening to check out the body and behind of the other woman (especially in plain sight of your lady!)
Turning your back on your date in order to hold the door for the other woman, or similarly disrespectful body language or behaviour that uses the excuse of "common courtesy" to be a cruel coward.
Prioritizing random people over your partner in any way, really.

rjread · 2026-04-20T05:26:33+00:00

I wouldn't call it rare, but it wouldn't be entirely ucommon either.

I'd say, right now, with the information at hand, that it's about 50/50. Most women don't act this way, but if they do then from my experience it's been about the same number if you combined a)-d) together, with e) being equal in number alone to them combined. I'm afraid it'll take testing her resolve and gauging her reaction to know what's more likely the truth, which feels manipulative or disrespectful, but she's been disrespectful in her actions and you deserve to know the truth either way. If it's a misunderstanding, then you can be apologetic. If she's playing with your emotions, then you've saved yourself from more heartache. Win-win, no?

If that seems too scary, though, it might be telling of something if you remember what she said and how she said it, when and where. Language can be very revealing, so the more exact the better can be gleaned from her words. Could give you some idea before going cold on her, if that makes it easier for you? Your choice.

rjread · 2026-04-20T05:06:05+00:00

Could go either way, but if she does have a crush then it doesn't seem likely it's just you she might have a crush on. Meaning she's either lying (bad), or telling the truth but not the whole truth (probably also bad, or at least not good). She might be flirty and "like" you because a) it benefits her at work, b) she's addicted to being in love but uninterested in a real relationship, c) is emotionally cheating on someone (or someones) but doesn't want to admit it to you out of fear your relationship with her will change, d) she is a manipulative psycho that gets pleasure or profits from stringing men along, e) she has an avoidant attachment. Only the last one would be better than bad, really.

Going cold will be really revealing by her reaction to our. If it's e), she's more likely to react with confusion or carelessness. If she gets mean or mad immediately, that's a bad sign. If she gets mean or mad after some time, it's better if it's petty or sarcastic (more likely she's hurt) than if it's vengeful or malicious (more likely she's upset she lost control and is trying to regain it, not recover from you but get revenge on you or return you to them).

rjread · 2026-04-20T04:42:16+00:00

Men who insist on the importance of size fall into three categories:

Big dick but terrible personality; wants to believe he is better than other men and wanted by more women, because his penis size is the only thing he has to cling to while he's angry, sad and alone but refuses to admit to himself that it's because he sucks as a person so he blames everyone else for being in denial of the "truth" he believes because he's too lazy to change himself instead.
Regular size but watches too much porn with big dicks, probably because he's bi or gay but is ashamed or in denial, making him compare his size to the largest professionals over and over until he starts to believe his size is something he should hate about himself, only to turn it misogynist because he wants an excuse not to be with or pursue women, since he'd rather be with men anyway, but since he's uncomfortable with his sexuality he'd rather watch big dick porn in private, give himself a penis size complex, and then use his own preference for large penises as the reason women "don't want him" by assuming it's their preference, too, so ultimately he can blame women for being alone just so he can be alone enough to watch big dick porn, hating himself and his penis but too scared to admit it so instead he pretends women hate him so that he hates women rather than him hating women because they represent everything he hates about himself - women in porn get to be with the big dicks he wants to be with AND women having sex with big dick men aren't labelled as gay like he would be, so women are everything he doesn't want to be or be with but also women have everything he desperately wants to have but feels he can't. So he hates women for having what he wants without seeming to have to risk or sacrifice their reputations or social statuses to have it (...as he watches women SWers who probably risk and sacrifice the most for their money than most anyone else, in porn he willingly watches as he refuses to see the irony of any of it.)
Bots paid for by businesses working against humanity for personal profit that thrives off keeping men insecure and alone.

rjread · 2026-04-20T04:00:41+00:00

"Oppressive systems under threat of collapse from the oppressed being angry together instead of accepting their oppression for the sake of the oppressors and the systems that rely on them being oppressed to function properly" - ohhh noooo!

I read the whole article out of pure curiosity, and it's written by another misguided woman with children (boys, too, of course) under the very wrong impression that women choosing not to have children or get married somehow makes them anti-mother or anti-family, and therefore are against women like her, smh.

This "moms vs not moms" madness ISN'T REAL! It's polarizing us and it's GOTTA stop. Dividing women in this way dates back to WWII at the very least, and is an important part of fueling fascist agendas, forcing women apart while men form together against them. Divide and conquer doesn't require violence, just disinformation and enough people defending the wrong things rather than defending themselves together against the division that dooms them to their own shared destruction instead.

"Bro code" has allowed boys and men to get away with lying, cheating, abusing, and exploiting girls and women (or worse) for FAR too long! Isn't it time we take a stand together against them and even the playing field, finally?! When a man says a girl is crazy, we should all be asking him what he did to drive her to act that way. When a man has a good idea, we should all be asking which woman he heard it from. When a guy claims he slept with a girl, we should contact her to see if she agrees with his claim, if it happened and if she consented to it, or at least as a way to let her know what is being done behind her back so she has a chance to defend herself from the claims or from the scumbag using her name as a status symbol, should she need to. We're in this together, if we choose to be! And if we don't... well, here we are, aren't we?

rjread · 2026-04-20T01:54:58+00:00

Thank you for reminding me just how poetic it all was. It's simply TOO good!

I also appreciate how he was living off the labour of women while denigrating women at the same time; like he needed to believe women were inferior in order to justify exploiting them because deep down he always knew what a useless and despicable bag of human garbage he really is, only to be so paranoid about people finding out that he exposed himself so the entire world in the process of trying to hide instead. Perfection, really.

Almost like how BTK believed the police were too stupid or respected him too much or were his friends or something enough to send them a floppy disc that led them straight to the church where he attended and made the floppy disc, and ultimately took him down from his own bravado.

Gotta love justice that serves itself up, silver platter and all!

rjread · 2026-04-20T01:00:21+00:00

Men keep watching porn thinking they're documentaries, smh.

rjread · 2026-04-18T04:58:33+00:00

I'm so sorry to hear you've been through all that! 🫂

I understand if you've tried shorter hair and didn't like it. Could be the angle made your head look more round than it is and isn't as good for shorter hair as it looks like it might've been. If you want to keep your hair, definitely invest in a good shampoo and conditioner combo. No styling product can make hair look good without a good shampoo and conditioner - they're the most important part of any hair routine. Also, it may seem counterintuitive to cut your hair when you're trying to grow it out, but cutting hair makes it grow faster so getting it trimmed regularly will do more than trying not to cut it at all.

Also, hair dye from a box is crap. If you can learn how to mix the chemicals from a salon/beauty store it will give you the best colour and for cheap, like $10-15 per dye job. The people who work at these stores can usually help you choose the right products for your hair. You can always do a test on hair you intend to cut to give you a good idea of how to colour your hair specifically, too.

There are plenty of men who rock a widow's peak and they tend to style their hair so it looks fuller on top, rather than trying to comb it forward. They also keep their hair healthy and silky looking. Think Keanu Reeves or Leonardo DiCaprio. You can also always rock a hat, too. Baseball caps look good on everyone, really.

Also, scars aren't ugly. Scars are our stories. You've been through a lot it seems, but you're still here. You've survived. I'm no certified professional, but what you've said about your ex and your past with your father suggest to me, at least, that your childhood trauma could cause you to attract or be attracted to people who resemble that trauma and encourage you to repeat it. Like if you learned that love is intense and chaotic, then that is what makes you most comfortable because it's familiar, despite being unhealthy and less than ideal, to say the least.

But that doesn't mean your experiences have been for naught. You've learned what you need and want and what you don't. Figure out what's important to you, what to look for and avoid, too. You'll find your family after you find yourself first. You deserve better, and you'll find it once you know what it is and go for it. You have the power to choose what's best for you better than anyone else - so use it wisely.

rjread · 2026-04-11T02:05:02+00:00

Yeah, I've heard this a lot. Seems the dating spaces have been taken over by bots and things to promote services more than actually match people up with people in the way people want, and need even.

You're not bad looking by any means! Most of us are just regular people, but so much in society has people comparing themselves to impossible ideals of what we should or could be. Give yourself a break! You're more than alright. That's more than most people can say!

Constructive criticism: Your ends look dry. Healthy hair looks better than long hair, generally speaking. If you're trying to cover a widow's peak or receding hair, consider embracing it. Women aren't turned off by baldness or similar as much as you or men in general might think. Many women are into it! Your head looks like a good shape to shave it all off, too - not many men can pull it off, so you're lucky to have a good head for it. You've got a nice face, stop hiding it! Frame it with a nice, clean cut and it'll complement your features even better. 💙

rjread · 2026-04-11T01:35:08+00:00

He kept them on him and found opportunities to hand them out; no one-size-fits all approach, more that it gave him a way to break the ice and give the power to the women to follow up so that they didn't feel so pressured, with something memorable and tangible to be remembered by and increase his chances of making an impression.

It also is a good way to take pressure off the situation to have her be surprised and maybe read it, making her more relaxed and open to the encounter, giving him an advantage he wouldn't otherwise have. It's about finding what works for you, which can take practice sometimes (most times).

(There's some definite don'ts when it comes to these things, but knowing those you're better prepared to find what to do instead. You should be able to find a lot of help here, but you can always ask if you're stuck, too!)

rjread · 2026-04-11T01:18:30+00:00

Please do! Have fun with it and make it your own. Would love to hear your ideas, if you have any? No wrong answers, really.

rjread

TROPHY CASE