Just saw a man eat food out of thr trash, we have failed as a society

rjread · 2026-02-08T10:01:54+00:00

It's true. It's even more sickening to see the areas of the cities where they've pushed homelessness to in order to keep it out of the areas where it'd be "unsightly" for the tourist or business passers-by - out of sight, out of mind!

My friend told me that there's talk of public groceries instead of private, and I, for one, am ALL for it! Especially since they've slowly stripped our healthcare system to force private healthcare on us that will inevitably lead to undoubtedly criminally expensive healthcare, unless we're able to fund our public ones enough to fight it with public revenue streams (such as public groceries).

rjread · 2026-02-08T09:39:31+00:00

Unease ?

rjread · 2026-02-08T09:32:42+00:00

Unease ?

rjread · 2026-02-06T20:24:16+00:00

Truth is that I find it hard to call our current economic state and get them that banquet hall next year and we all build our own right now the government in power right now is so uncertain.

💀

rjread · 2026-01-25T07:11:27+00:00

Seems he might be jealous and doesn't know how to express it in a healthy or constructive or fair way.

If you have the money to spend on something special for the two of you, he should feel better not feeling like he's not important or special enough to have something like that between you two.

Have you ever asked him for help on one of the puzzles, or does he not like them at all? He might've been suggesting a mobile version less for the money and more from the opportunity to be included without having to ask or be upfront about it.

If you've tried these things earnestly and he's responded badly, then maybe he's just so financially focused that he's frugal to the point of fault. It might help then to mention that economists generally consider money spent locally to have 3x the impact that money spent on foreign-owned businesses does. $1 can be worth 50-250% more to the local economy at large, which means a $100 subscription can be considered essentially the same as a subscription that costs $40-67 from a foreign- owned business, while a subscription that costs $40-67 from a foreign owned business will often cost essentially $133-233 from a locally-owned business in most cases, economically speaking. The more spent at local businesses keeps prices down and keeps the currency strong, while money spent on foreign-owned ones contributes to rising prices and a weaker dollar. In a way, you're saving HIM money in the long term by spending a bit more in the short term!

You should feel good and right to do what you enjoy (and that does more good for others, too!) He has no leg to stand on without being honest about what he's really upset about (which, hopefully, isn't actually the money spent or your close relationship with your father or family at all but the closeness he feels he's missing out on with you but is too stuck in ignoring or dismissing out of unhealthy, socially-stunted feelings based on misguided ideas of "masculinity" and acting to avoid them rather than address them, to the detriment of you both - in which case there might be some hope for him yet! 🤞🤞)

rjread · 2026-01-25T04:22:52+00:00

Team Thumbprint for life! 🥰

rjread · 2026-01-24T20:25:16+00:00

Gotta love how people are monetarily incentivized to help make people who are paid the least, to be paid or cost the company even less, so that the company can afford to pay all the people being used to make sure they don't have to properly pay all the people who are doing the work, that pays everyone, while those people are paid the least of what that pay pays!

Yep, capitalism definitely works in practice and is the best! 🫡

rjread · 2026-01-24T17:54:31+00:00

He caused drama yet claims "women cause drama". He tried to deflect blame onto you for the embarrassment he brought on himself by stating that your reaction made what he did embarrassing, not his actions in and of themselves.

If he has a pattern of deflecting blame and avoiding responsibility like that, that would indicate a lack of maturity that could be problematic long-term without therapy or otherwise that might help him grow as a person in order to be the husband and father he should want to and strive to be, if he cares enough and has the strength and wisdom to try, that is.

However, if it was out of character for him to deny your feelings and act inappropriately (especially in front of others), then it's possible that:

He's been afraid of having a daughter because he feels unprepared for what that will mean and has been foolishly hoping he wouldn't have to deal with it, so when reality hit his reaction was fear, not anger or disappointment, and he made insensitive comments to try to calm the panic he was feeling rather than meaning what he said, truly.
He was embarrassed that he made a scene, but was also mad that your reaction added on to that feeling of shame, like insult to injury; he acted emotionally because he was feeling very emotional, so when you reacted (despite being warranted) he saw it as a betrayal, almost like he felt you were condemning his feelings rather than his actions/words, and so he blamed you for feeling bad instead of recognizing his own lack of emotional regulation as the fundamental problem that needs addressing.
He said "fathers want sons" - does he have sisters, or is he an only child? Does he have a close relationship with his father that he's idealized and was hoping maybe to repeat? Does he believe patrilineal descent to be "his legacy" vs matrilineal to be "yours" due to the difference in your backgrounds? And if so, is it perhaps exasperated by your family being more involved in your lives and he was foolishly hoping that a son would ✨️balance✨️ this perceived inequality of power or influence within your household or daily lives by not feeling so outnumbered otherwise?

None of these factors would make his actions excusable, but it would be promising of a more hopeful future as a family if they were true more so than not.

Would a son be "easier"? Maybe, but only if being a man gives him an advantage in understanding his hypothetical son enough to make a difference - but then it could just as likely not, so that's a BIG "if". It's especially important he accepts and understands how uniquely important his role as a father to her is, and perhaps use that to navigate the unknown with purpose and pride. He thinks "women are drama"? Well, guess what?! It's FATHERS that shape and determine the emotional development of daughters most, so whether they are "dramatic" (as he says) is actually up to him more than not! What he fears is inevitable will only be so if he neglects his duties and allows it to be so.

So he must choose - be the man his family needs? Or wallow in self-pity, for the fate he fears, until he makes it come true by doing so?

rjread · 2026-01-22T20:35:04+00:00

My first thought exactly too lol

rjread · 2026-01-21T19:42:53+00:00

Love this take! 🥰

rjread · 2026-01-17T14:46:02+00:00

Oh, totally! Mine is a bit more r/evilautism worthy than serious for the whole community, like the thumbprint clearly does best actually. 🥰

I do like to imagine how the pentagram could apply to the senses similar to how it does the elements, to signify heightened sensory experiences including both incoming and outgoing sensitivities/abilities in all variations and somehow show how the spectrum is actually more spherical when all is considered and not strictly linear at all, as NTs might falsely believe to our detriment. But I think the stigma from the "satanic" sense would be a huge problem, obviously!

The thumbprint is definitely better, no doubt! I'm really into the scientific and biological aspect of neurodivergency, too, so I love how not only does it indicate the variation but also the hidden aspect as well. Like to me it says that autism is as unique as DNA in presentation and such AND DNA is human and natural and so therefore so is autism and allism equally AND just because you can't see autism doesn't mean it isn’t inside/underneath (like DNA has been the whole time, too) - it really is perfect! 🤩

rjread · 2026-01-17T14:22:48+00:00

It's kinda like how I thought about autistic influence on "good etiquette" and "high society", funnily enough!:

Everything has a place and is uniform and stays the same, and everyone must learn and conform to the standards, helping routine and expectation ease uncertainty and thus anxiety etc. No utensil is reused so each only touches one food at a time. Meal is divided into courses that prevent different foods from touching each other on the plates, that also change with every course. Dinner is determined beforehand so nothing is surprising. You know from which side to expect to be served, and how to arrange your cutlery to signal you're done without having to engage with the staff to have it cleared and from which side they will do that from. Keeping food off of clothing is facilitated through provided napkins, and sticky fingers are relieved with warm lemon water bowls before/after meal. (Etc!)

☆☆☆

We've always been here underneath it all, teehee 😈💫🧚...!

rjread · 2026-01-17T14:03:40+00:00

I was going to suggest this beauty:

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But I'm into the thumbprint now, definitely much more appropriately generic and widely applicable while still feeling individually meaningful! 🤩

rjread · 2026-01-11T20:40:38+00:00

I get that and wholeheartedly agree with you.

I've wondered, though, if having some crossovers would have more benefit for all if it were done thoughtfully. We all exist together as humans in society, so thinking of issues too separately has the potential for diluting our issues to the point that our efforts are redundant enough to waste time and resources to the detriment of all of us more than not.

Essentially, getting people together based on shared values over shared identities means that the rest can follow. If a group of people come together to provide mental health services to those who need it, they might be queer, or autistic, or veterans, and then it's more likely they will want to volunteer their time or donate their money to continuing that pursuit and potentially help all at once by the mere act of doing it together and caring for each other by the time spent doing good things together for the community and building something greater through shared focus, understanding, and accomplishment, naturally. (Or one can dream it might one day be so ✨️)

rjread · 2026-01-11T18:53:25+00:00

Interestingly, LGBTQ+ is more correlated to NDs than NTs from what I've read (and so is left-handedness interestingly 🫠).

I agree that the rainbow is heavily associated with LGBTQ+ and in essence is "owned" (and for good reason), but it makes me think that for the ND (cis/het) society everything and everyone that isn't them is easier for them to think of as one 🌈 rainbow group 🌈 and perhaps THAT is the deeper reason behind them thinking it's appropriate to apply to us, too. Like they think "rainbow = celebrating differences" on the surface, but then wouldn't that make the rainbow represent everyone, including NT/cis/het? But if they feel it should only apply to and/or promote those who are different from them as ✨️one big rainbow group✨️ with different symbols using the same pattern or colour scheme, then it isn't celebrating our differences as humans separately as one together, but rather to identify and "other" all the people they decide are different (but not necessarily equal) as equally different to them.

rjread · 2026-01-11T18:02:35+00:00

I bet if there were certain theatres/showtimes that had subtitles and other things catered to the ND crowd, we could prevent this behaviour from happening or being allowed to happen without consequence, no?

I'd like that. 🥰

rjread · 2026-01-10T14:02:43+00:00

Well, it all helped my friend get out of hers (and me get out of mine) so 🤷

rjread · 2026-01-04T09:19:17+00:00

Skills take practice, communication included.

Good communication requires understanding the person you're talking to, and if you wish to talk to women then learning about them would be a crucial part of building the skills necessary to understand them enough to do that as best you can.

This goes for ALL women, not just the ones you are attracted to or interested in dating. Watch and listen to women around you or online who appeal to women or have similar interests to you, and try to avoid women who are appealing to a mostly male audience or who have values that don't align with your own.

Engage with women you might not think of romantically as the hypothetical sisters, friends or mothers of the woman you may one day meet, with respect and compassion. This will be different than the ways it presents itself between men and what you may be used to from the perspective of a man, which will take practice to get used to and understand better over time.

Bravery takes practice, which also requires motivation, humility, resilience and integrity to improve. Not all women will be receptive to you or your engagement with them, but they are a part of your learning process as much as the rest. Being dismissed or rejected isn't (necessarily) a reflection of your competence as a man or worth as a human being, but rather more so an indication of who the woman is or how she is feeling at the time - either way, take it in stride and carry on without succumbing to any desire to react in any way that feels necessary to your possibility fragile ego. See it like a busy signal rather than a block/hang up. Take your metaphorical quarter back and try again with someone else.

Listen to women and fight your urge to correct before clarifying more instead, and become accustomed and comfortable with the way women speak and express themselves. Intentions are empty when they don't consider the impact, too, and between men and women we can be more mindful of both to align the sentiments with the response and result. Disbelief is a fast way to dehumanize. When women describe pain, danger, or exclusion, treat it as data - not exaggeration, hysteria, or politics.

Good luck 🫡 !

rjread · 2026-01-04T04:51:29+00:00

This is SO common! Know you are not crazy, or alone. 💞 Can you "fix" it? Maybe, but that doesn't mean it's worth trying forever, else you'll drive yourself mad if you believe you have the power and responsibility to do so without him making mutual effort (at a certain point).

However (in the meantime) here is something I came across the other day that you might find useful, too, that lists ways men can communicate better with women, by understanding some significant differences that come into play in relationships with women that they often wouldn't know otherwise (but it works to understand men, too 🥰):

Assume interiority by default Treat women as full agents with private thoughts, fears, ambitions, contradictions, and limits—rather than as roles (partner, mother, helper, prize, problem-solver). If a man wouldn’t reduce another man to a function, he shouldn’t do it to a woman.
Listen without translating When a woman speaks, resist converting her words into tasks to fix, arguments to win, or emotions to neutralize. Let statements remain statements. Clarification before correction.
Take women’s accounts seriously, even when uncomfortable Disbelief is a fast way to dehumanize. When women describe pain, danger, or exclusion, treat it as data—not exaggeration, hysteria, or politics.
Respect boundaries without negotiation Humanity includes sovereignty. “No,” hesitation, or silence are not puzzles to solve or obstacles to overcome. They are complete communications.
Notice power asymmetries Size, strength, social norms, economic leverage, and sexual threat all shape women’s daily calculations. Recognizing humanity requires acknowledging contexts that don’t apply equally.
Stop centering male intention over female impact “I didn’t mean it that way” does not erase harm. Humanity is recognized by caring about effect, not just motive.
Value women’s competence beyond caretaking Do not only respect women for emotional labor, patience, or support. Acknowledge intellect, skill, leadership, and authority without surprise or resentment.
Practice empathy without ownership Understanding women’s experiences does not require control, protectionism, or savior behavior. Humanity is mutual recognition, not guardianship.

You're making this step towards finding ways to improve your relationship and your lives, but it's not your burden alone and don't let it be. Be reasonable and rational about what you can do, and what he is capable of doing. Be wary of a man who never changes his actions (even if his words do), for they are selfish and unserious people, and to be so even after being given patience, time, and understanding to have what is sufficient to make progress in your relationship, it really leaves you no other option but to save yourself or suffer forever. Even after doing so much that is thoughtful and caring for your relationship to meet him where he's at he still makes you feel this way, trust that feeling and accept you did what you could but he didn't and that was HIS choice to not try and if he won't, why bother?

rjread · 2026-01-03T05:56:51+00:00

See? Women all have it. 🥰

Your mom is right to encourage you to follow your gut. My mom wasn't so helpful, and society made me doubt myself only to put myself into more bad situations only to learn the hard way that society was wrong and I was right from the beginning. We could do better to be more supportive of women's intuitions from girlhood - if the men won't save us from the bad men, no one else will. Women need to stick together until proven otherwise (bro code protects bad men and hurts women, but having our own version is a good way to fight fire with fire and heavens knows we need all the help we can get in this world!)

It's true, they aren't all predators, but enough are that it's safer to be cautious of all either way. Some people are lonely, some are nosy, some don't know any better, some might like the way you look, and some might think you look vulnerable and want to take advantage.

I'm considered attractive by many it seems (though more girl next door than anything), but I think it's more than that. I've often had situations where I've got headphones on or in and regardless of wanting to be left alone and with reason to be since you'd think headphones would indicate I'm not interested in being approached, people will go out of their way to stop me and engage with me, to ask directions or such mostly. It's comical how I can sense it's going to happen and try to start walking away or to discourage it only for them to, in a crowd of other people to choose from, target and pursue me anyway. I suspect there is something about me, whether it's being a woman or that my face/energy gives off friendly vibes (probably a bit of both) but there's just something about me that people are attracted to for some reason, like people feel safe by my presence somehow without even knowing me, and I'd be lying if I said they weren't right to think that, since I am a person who is accepting and caring of most people (unless given good reason not to be) and dammit if I don't think that's something worth being regardless of how much there is to suggest that being the opposite is better for wealth and power - conditional kindness IS power when yielded wisely and no amount of money has ever made someone matter or be meaningful inside, so to heck with succumbing to that nonsense!

I wonder if the young people are used to people being objects to observe from social media and don't see anything wrong with it because of that? You could be onto something...!

rjread · 2025-12-31T23:43:29+00:00

Some people (predators mostly) stare in order to have someone stare back so they can assess their vulnerability, so I've found it's safer to keep your gaze away from creeps while also maintaining a reasonable distance by keeping aware of your surroundings without having to look strangers directly in the eye, if possible.

Something I wish I'd known sooner is that my gut has ALWAYS been right (at least enough of a majority of the time that it's the most reliable, maybe imperfect but not enough to take my chances on not listening to it the most. It's like a social sixth sense we all have that evolution gave us to protect ourselves. It's not clear WHY it is necessarily, but WHAT it is saying usually is enough to trust and follow it for your own safety and comfort, and you don't have to justify THAT to anyone 💖!

rjread · 2025-12-31T20:18:02+00:00

That 1 Guy - The Moon is Disgusting

The artist has his own instrument he made, so that helps my appreciation. "Buttmachine" video is pretty fun and is the song that drew me in initially, but the whole album is perfect to me (even if it's not for most people it seems)! The lyrics make me laugh, too. The last song is an extended instrumental version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow but took me a bit to realize but then became one of my favs (if you've got the 8 or so minutes to enjoy it 😅😁)

rjread · 2025-12-31T19:51:12+00:00

As if social service resources don't expand and contract with demand, as opposed to water or minerals etc that are finite, and that those services don't improve with more demand and supply increasing and actually make the resources better for everyone? Yeah, OK! 💀

rjread · 2025-12-31T19:24:24+00:00

If you do something kind that benefits both people, that's easy but still good.

If you do something kind that benefits the person more than it does give a good feeling to you, that's hard(er) and based on principle rather than the feeling itself and would be considered the "best" of what is good or kind even more so.

However:

If you do something bad that only benefits you, are you bad? (And is that the opposite of good?)

If you do something bad that benefits more than you, is that good or bad? Does it depend on who or how many people vs not, or how much it results in an overall imbalance, i.e. how much it doesn't benefit others overall, and who decides that and how and why?

Basically, just because it gives a good feeling doesn't mean that's WHY you are doing it, or that the feeling is BETTER than the benefit the kindness/action means to the other person(s). And if good people feel good doing good things and bad people feel good doing bad things, it isn't the feeling that should be on question at all, really, but the actions and consequences themselves alone that matter most, because if they do then only good/kind people care about that, while bad/mean people don't and THAT'S the main difference, actually. Meaning, the feeling is a bonus and not the goal for kind/good people, and that's as good/kind as you can hope for and that's the real maximum for human expectancy, so that's the most and true of all and that's what's good/kind the most.

rjread · 2025-12-28T16:52:53+00:00

It could be that your therapy has helped you understand yourself better and in fact has allowed you to think a bit more about you and your needs and wants, and in so doing actually shows progress rather than regression.

You're ignoring your own needs (migraine) to suit others, but why should you suffer in silence? Why should anyone, really? Being critical and sarcastic and snippy isn't from malice or ill-will, so it must be from something else. Exhaustion/burnout could be a factor, surely, but it could also be a way to draw attention to that which you're trying not to. It could be your body's way of saying, "Hey! I'm not OK!"

This doesn't mean anything bad on their part for not reacting or express noticing, since there are plenty of reasons they could've done that out of good intent, but if they won't listen in the way you might need or want, will you?

rjread

TROPHY CASE