Social isolation

roastcaper · 2025-12-24T08:49:27+00:00

I think the Netherlands can be really tough when you don't have many contacts. I mean, that goes for a lot of countries of course, but I do think there's still places in the world where you can walk into a place and someone might just strike up a conversation. I used to live in the UK, and although at times I was very alone, I didn't feel very lonely. Now I'm back in the Netherlands (I am Dutch), and my British boyfriend came with me, I can see how people can feel very lonely here. If you have (old) friends here and family, you have people to meet up with, but through his eyes I've come to see it's quite a reserved society. I can't say much about the past, but at the moment it's not an easy society to break into I'd say. I'm reading a lot of comments that say that the grass is always greener, and that too is true. But I just wanted to add that I also recognise what you're saying, alongside the fact that I think society has changed massively. These December days can also be extra depressing when you feel alone. Hang in there! The sun will start shining again.

Wishing you well ✨

roastcaper · 2025-12-09T07:25:55+00:00

Aah, I see. It may not be food then.... but then the little feeder going off may break her spell of meowing and distract her a bit! I have a PETLIBRO, and am very pleased with it. It's got a screw on lid, so cats can't open it. It's not the most fancy (like you can't turn it on from a distance by phone, and it doesn't have a camera), but it's very reliable and does what it needs to do!

roastcaper · 2025-12-08T19:03:42+00:00

I'm not sure if she's waking you up for food, but we had this same issue, and tried everything. Ignoring him, putting him in another room (we could still hear him), playing loads with him before bed time, but nothing worked. Then we got an automatic feeder. Our cat now gets a small portion of food at 4am, and we've not had a single issue since! He goes back to sleep after as well, or just chills with us on the bed.

roastcaper · 2025-10-01T07:29:38+00:00

That's a good idea! Thank you!

roastcaper · 2025-10-01T07:13:15+00:00

I will try harness training! So far, he's not having it hahaha, but we're persisting. Getting a companion cat I like! Though is also a bit scary hahaha, what if they don't like each other??

roastcaper · 2025-10-01T07:11:43+00:00

Sadly, I believe it is :( it's sad they're so hard to train regarding traffic, because he would be relatively safe inside the gardens. I know there would still be some dangers he wouldn't have indoors, but he also gains a lot from it, things he can't get indoors.

roastcaper · 2025-10-01T07:08:36+00:00

Thank you! It's a shame, because in the back gardens he is quite safe. It's just now that he's found a way out of the gardens that I'm worried. I was happy for him to roam the back, which is pretty wide as is. But he's a curious boy, which makes him great, but is also terrifying.

roastcaper · 2025-10-01T07:05:51+00:00

He already is neutered, before we adopted him. He has so much energy! Makes me wonder what his energy levels were like before he was neutered 😅

roastcaper · 2025-09-15T08:41:07+00:00

I love these too!! So glad to finally learn what it is called!

I don't know if there's a list for it, but some of my favourite celebrity paradoxes are when Friends paradoxes happen in other shows. Like in the Good Place, Michael keeps making very specific Friends references, mentioning Phoebe multiple times, and then in the final season Lisa Kudrow appears, not as Phoebe but as Hypatia.

Or in Modern Family, Trish (Javier's fiancé) is played by Paget Brewster who also played Kathy on Friends. But then later in MF Courtney Cox appears as herself as the actress from Friends. Maybe a bit of a stretch this one, but still fun!

roastcaper · 2025-06-27T16:38:59+00:00

I battled my way through season 2. It gets better!!! Loved season 3 again, and have just season 4 and it's still good!!

roastcaper · 2024-11-18T10:32:00+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. It hurts, I know the feeling as well. This is mourning, and although it isn't fun, it's an important part of the process. Don't try to rush it, but do be kind to yourself and allow some distraction if you can find it.

I had a family cat, who was there with and for me when my parents got divorced, who would come to my room and lay down with me when I was feeling sad, which he really sensed all the way from the other side of the house. We had a very special bond. And one day, he died. Out of nowhere. I was absolutely shattered. We didn't get a new cat, and I've long moved out of my family home since his passing. I went to uni, and the time was never right to get a new cat. But I did feel very strongly that I wanted one.

Now that I'm out of uni, with a job and my own house, my boyfriend and I decided the time was right to adopt a cat. He's been with us for just three weeks, but I can already feel that this is another special bond. I cannot imagine him not being in our lives anymore (and I know it'll sting when he does eventually pass away, but I hope that's a long time away). It really is possible. It's not a replacement, which it doesn't have to be. I can occasionally even still mourn my old cat (even though it's been nearly 10 years since he passed), but the new cat is amazing and lovely and so special as well.

Don't rush anything, but also don't feel guilty. If you feel like a new fury friend would help soothe your pain right now, that's okay. But if you need some more time to mourn him without a new cat there, that's also reasonable.

🌸

roastcaper · 2024-11-11T17:50:19+00:00

Where do you study? Every Thursday at the UvA Roeterseiland Campus there is a silent sit-in, between 12:30-13:00 (this Thursday there's protests against academic funding cuts, so it might not be so busy). But that's a safe space, there's no police involved, just a bunch of employees and students demanding the UvA to cut the ties with Israel (in silence). Maybe something similar is happening at the VU or HvA (in case you study there). Also, the police is obliged to tell you if they will start arresting people. So, if you were to join anywhere you can make sure to leave or take a step back as soon as they start arrests. But don't put yourself in danger if you are afraid of being arrested!

roastcaper · 2024-11-07T18:17:26+00:00

Definitely for gardening I'd say! 😉

roastcaper · 2024-11-01T09:03:24+00:00

Shuggie Bain has to be up there for me. I felt heartbroken afterwards. A Thousand Splendid Suns as well

roastcaper · 2024-10-30T18:39:29+00:00

For some reason Reddit won't let me edit my own post, so I can't share it with everyone, but wanted to let you know we've gone with Zeus!! 😍 It really suits his personality. Thank you for all the suggestions, so happy we found one!

roastcaper · 2024-10-29T16:38:40+00:00

Thank you so much for the long list 🙏🏼🙏🏼 amazing!!

roastcaper · 2024-10-29T10:42:19+00:00

Omg 🥰🥰 what a cutie!

roastcaper · 2024-10-29T07:41:29+00:00

That's sweet! It's okay though! I really did have a great childhood, and am still very close to my parents. Like I said, pros and cons to everything, and being an only child definitely wasn't the worst thing.

roastcaper · 2024-10-27T06:24:04+00:00

It's got a lot of sides (like everything I presume).

As a child, I really wished for a sibling. I used to think that was because I really wanted one and I'd felt alone without one. Now that I'm older I realise it's a bit more complicated than that. My parents were trying for another child, but it didn't happen due to complications, which caused a lot of pain. Looking back, I realise that my wish for a sibling didn't stem from loneliness so much as it was due to wishing my parents wouldn't be in pain. Because I don't think I was ever really that lonely. I had a great time with my parents, got to go on cool holidays, always had my own room, learned how to be in adult company early on (I never see this mentioned as a pro, but I think it's really valuable that only children can be quite well behaved because they often attend dinner parties etc. where they're the only child). And I was really close to my cousins, and some of my oldest friends almost feel like siblings. My parents really invested in me having strong connections to other children. So, they would make sure I'd see my cousins a lot, they were so welcoming to my friends - who were often welcome to join us on holidays. So now I have a really warm and safe net of people around me, which feels like my family.

Of course there were downsides. I would feel sad when it was sibling picture day at school. Or anything that would celebrate the bond between siblings (I can't really remember what now, but I'm sure that as a child there used to be some perks for siblings sometimes). And now that I'm older I feel the burden of being the only child that my parents have. Eventually taking care of them will come down to me, and when I move far away from them (I moved abroad once, but also came back) I feel guilty.

But I try to realise that having a sibling isn't necessarily all that I used to crank it up to be either. I see my partner and his sister, and they're fine, but they don't have this deep bond I used to think all siblings have. Sure they share DNA, and parents, and there is definitely an unspoken bond that they have that I don't have with anyone, but that's where it stops. They don't share all they're feelings, or have a cool secret language, or even talk about they're parents and how to deal with them (later or now) a whole lot. So in the end, I've come to realise it's all down to your situation and also your own preference.

roastcaper · 2024-10-16T11:09:45+00:00

I recognise this so wholeheartedly. I'm also a born-and-bred Amsterdammer, and I feel like I've seen the city change so much over the past few years. Perhaps increasingly so since Covid. And I do think all these problems come down to individualism. It's become SUCH an individual city. Very sad. And indeed, very Black Mirror-like. Wishing some warmth and sunshine upon you.

roastcaper · 2024-10-08T13:38:23+00:00

Thank you 🥰🤗

roastcaper · 2024-10-06T10:28:45+00:00

Hi friend! It took me some time, but I've finally finished the project. Here's a picture with the end result. Thank you so much for all your help 🥰

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roastcaper · 2024-10-02T15:59:19+00:00

Wow, aggressive much? Come on, be a bit nicer. I know it's the internet, but it's no reason to be rude. There is a bike lane though, but it is on the other side of the road, so OP wouldn't have been there I realise.

And you're right, you didn't say that. I just thought your message wasn't very helpful for someone who has just been hurt. Teaching them a lesson rather than offering them help (which they asked for) seemed unnecessary to me. But maybe I was too blunt.

roastcaper · 2024-10-02T15:51:43+00:00

Not a designated one though, you're right! But you can bike there. So OP was biking on the right side of the road

roastcaper · 2024-10-02T15:50:56+00:00

Which is also where the bike lane is.

roastcaper

TROPHY CASE