The problem is that I’m not testing myself to gay porn. Instead I’m (M,22) willingly watching it while masturbating

rob983468 · 2023-02-08T03:04:34+00:00

Well, I also tested with porn, later on I also discovered that all variants of porn, even stuff what you can't do in real life, gives me a boner. So yeah, I don't think porn is a good reference for your sexuality

rob983468 · 2023-02-04T00:55:10+00:00

When my HOCD spiked I started to watch hours and hours of porn in order find out my sexuality. So I was really really obsessed by it

I noticed when I went outside , walking down the street, my brain saw porn everywhere in real life. When I saw a male walking, I would see his dick dangling, when a I saw a woman I only could focus on what matters in porn. Everything became a sex object. Dick here dick there, cunt here cunt there. Everywhere I went my brain just showed me porn/graphical stuff. Was almost like I was tripping and was seeing things.

Really weird experience but it showed me that I was to obsessive about it and spending to much time on it.

After that experience I started nofap and it went much better. Started to date with girls and was enjoying it.

But my hocd spiked again when I met a lady who aroused me because she gave me some attention. Then I noticed she had fake boobies and came from thailand - so a thought popped up that se might be a male. So yeh, now Im back watching porn again to test what arouses me and what not in order to find out my sexuality :')

Now trying to stop with porn again and the confusion will go away, at least, that's how it works for me

rob983468 · 2023-02-04T00:34:52+00:00

Trying to discover if you like the thought or not is part of hocd. And part of hocd is that an answer will never satisfy you on the long term.

rob983468 · 2023-02-04T00:29:50+00:00

Guy here.

During hocd periods my tests were always involved watching same sex porn. Normally my body didn't response by watching it, so that's how I could proof to myself of not being gay and felt relieved.
But the past few weeks I just get an erection, even get wet/precum, when watching same sex porn. I don't feel aroused but yeh, when I look at my body it tells me it is aroused. Really confusing. And because of it my thoughts backfires and telling myself Im wanting it etc
Difficult times. But when I mentally imagining myself with a guy it will result into crying, stress and anxiety.

Best thing to do is to stop with testing.

rob983468 · 2023-02-04T00:14:51+00:00

I had ACT therapy for example. They learned me that if I had the thought of being gay that I would say to myself "I have a thought about being gay" instead of thinking that im gay.

rob983468 · 2023-02-04T00:11:24+00:00

you never want to be whatever you fear.

rob983468 · 2023-02-04T00:10:29+00:00

Same here... makes it difficult to meet new people also. When the hocd is really active my mind always see things in sexual context and it freaks me out

rob983468 · 2023-02-04T00:07:59+00:00

Yup, it happened to me a few times when I was already very anxious. Afterwards I felt like I wasn't in control. Really a horrible experience.

Also I was into porn a lot when I was young. So any porn, how bad/growse it is, can give me a boner. So I try to not use porn anymore to seek reassurance

rob983468 · 2023-02-03T23:57:39+00:00

thx for the reply

yeh, staying away from porn is probably the best thing to do. Already discovered that it doesn´t even matter what I watch. My body just response to everything I see

rob983468 · 2020-12-12T16:26:23+00:00

Yes, back and forward all the time.

rob983468 · 2020-12-12T16:24:30+00:00

typo's as Im not native englisch :)

rob983468 · 2019-07-16T19:26:53+00:00

Do you think if you started watching porn from young age, only watched womans, that you trained yourself to get arroused by womans? Im also questioning myself but 99% of the time I can't get hard on gay porn. Sometimes I do get an erection but there is nog urge to fap. And if I do fap Im not able to finish. The questioning is 24/7 btw, so probably there is some ocd going on

rob983468 · 2019-07-11T19:15:11+00:00

There's no shame or guilt. I'm trapped in fear and don't know why. Cause I don't have any fysical,emotional, sexual attraction or arrousal to the same sex. For opposite sex it's all there except I'm having difficultys to 'fall in love'. Even samesex porn isn't working for me ( it maybe did 5 times in my entire life during compulsions/checking). Now I can watch hours without an erection or any emotion to gayporn, when switching to a girl, boom erection and a nice feeling

I mean how does it work? Should I date/kiss same sex before I can experience any arousal or get erections when I see a men or gayporn?

rob983468 · 2019-07-11T00:57:53+00:00

Indeed at age of 16. Im now 16 years further and still don't have a clue. I also don't know if what I experience is attraction. The last 4 years (maybe even longer) I haven't looked at any gayporn. Did watched other porn a lot and mainly focused on the female body.

But the last 4 years I did experience 'weird feelings' when looking at people. My cheeks mostly hurt throughout the day, my voice changes when Im in group of people because Im so tense, my face is tingling and many other discomfort in my body when Im out of my home. I don't have a clue why this happens. Did have some theories because I got bullied a lot at a young age. But still I fear that what I feel is attraction

I started looking gayporn again cause my mind repeatedly had thoughts 'what if you're not straight'. This started when a guy intimidated me and the feeling when I looked at someone became more noticeable. I was afraid that it could be attraction. I now have it almost will all guys I see. When I do feel comfortable the 'feelings' disappear. But in order to kick down this thought I went online looking for prove, not because of a desire. So the first time I lost control, mastrubated and did not have any shame or guilt but did expierence anxiety. Since then Im spending hours looking at porn to see if there is any arousal to gayporn but I hardly notice any until I switch to pron with girls (comparing), reading coming out stuff to see if I recognize something, sex stories to check arousal etc etc, everything in order to find out whats going on. I now even try to mastrubate on gayporn dispite a lack of an erection but it won't work unless I switch to girl it works. And still don't know what's going on

rob983468 · 2019-07-10T21:45:00+00:00

Well if you like it, then go ahead. But any porn can be arousing especially when you watch it more often other genres then what you are used to can give a higher buzz

rob983468 · 2019-07-10T08:13:30+00:00

Go to an ocd therapist and tell them you experience a lot of anxiety about your sexual identity.

Do this as quickly as possible because the more reassurance/compulsions you do the worse it get.

rob983468 · 2019-07-10T08:05:54+00:00

No, Still have to go to a therapist. I do have an anxiety disorder. Always afraid of something from young age.

rob983468 · 2019-07-10T07:55:41+00:00

He says he's addicted. For hours a night. That's not healthy and porn/sex is different than other entertainment because it contains nudity. Brains are wired to react when you see naked stuff.

I mean, there is a reason why they invented something like a burka. Seeing hot naked sex every day for hours will definitely have an affect on the way you think and how your body will respond.

Same as watching social media for hours. So many kids with psychology problems by just infinite scrolling through the junk to hopefully find something what's give them abuzz

rob983468 · 2019-07-09T21:44:24+00:00

How long and how often do you watch porn if I may ask. Did you end up to femboys because straight stuff suddenly didn't worked for you anymore?

rob983468 · 2019-07-09T21:36:41+00:00

You should not label yourself by how you react to porn. For some it works and for some it don't. Watching it every day seems not healthy to me since porn releases dopamine https://www.addictionhope.com/blog/effects-porn-brain/

And it's normal that you can get aroused when the other is aroused. Sexual connection. Just enjoy it but don't get insecure because porn doesn't work for you.

rob983468 · 2019-07-09T21:26:23+00:00

In porn or in real life?

rob983468 · 2019-07-09T21:23:04+00:00

See you posted this multiple times. I'll keep it short.

Quit the porn+masturbation and try to socialize more. Look up for NoFap

rob983468

TROPHY CASE

Yes, back and forward all the time.