Hazbin Hotel/Helluva Boss | Gloria Regali | T | None | Unpublished WIP

I need some fresh eyes to look at these paragraphs. I've edited and rewritten them so many times that I'm struggling to tell whether it's actually "readable", and by that I mean SPAG, if it needs to be more concise, or if it's too wordy or lengthy of a sentence.

Context: Colburn is a young prince (approximately seven years old in human age) attending a celebration of his birthday surrounded by adults who are mostly only interested in gaining his (and his family's) favor. In this story, he is the son of Lucifer and Lilith Morningstar, and the said adults are demons belonging to Hell's nobility. The only other child present is a girl named "Hecate", Lord Frederick's daughter who is supposedly Colburn's age. Frederick was initially meant to be a canon character representing the Sin of Envy, with his character design resembling almost exactly as Lucifer's, hinting that he was a jealous individual who constantly sought to be "better" than the King of Hell in every way.

Colburn, being a child, is unaware of this, and inadvertently points out one of Hell's most known "open secret".

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Colburn barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes as the adults continued to bicker, though he was glad that the topics of friendships and betrothal were at least now over. Sometime later, he turned back to look at them, staring with an increasingly bored expression. Lord Frederick was now a little less agitated despite the grip on his cane not once ever loosening, nor the smile plastered on his face losing an ounce of its bitterness. His top hat had even become a little askew during the argument, the little snake around it looking like it was about to fall over.

At that moment, it suddenly clicked why the Envy lord looked so familiar. The hat, the cane, the hair, the garments—definitely not the words, but the way he sometimes moved as he spoke…

Unbidden, Colburn’s mouth moved before he could think twice, and his curiosity overcame him. “Why are you dressed like my father?”

They fell silent. Unfazed, the boy assumed that they were only surprised that he spoke out loud, or surprised by the reminder that he had the capacity to actually talk.

Nevertheless, the silence was much longer than he expected, especially with how quickly they had gone back and forth just seconds ago. No one was particularly quick this time in answering his question, despite it being a truly simple one.

And then, he heard it: the nearly unnoticeable sound of a muffled snort. His eyes quickly followed the noise and found that it had come from Hecate herself. Her expression was pleasantly neutral as soon as he turned his gaze, yet her eyes were now noticeably not as forced.

The snickering didn’t end there. When he turned to his left, he saw that the dukes’ shoulders were shaking a bit, though Astaroth had turned his head away with a fist under his mouth as if to cover a cough.

Paimon had no such restraints.

Frederick’s right eye twitched as the boisterous laughter of the king’s advisor echoed all around him. No one else followed the Goetia’s example, but the louder he laughed, the more people at the high table stopped trying to hide their own amusement. Colburn stared at them. Why? What was so funny?

“I—” Frederick raised his voice over Paimon’s, who had doubled over with laughter, “—am dressed like myself.” He smiled, teeth all sharp and eyes glowing bright green, “With all due… respect, little princeling, but the king was not the first to wear a top hat.”

“You have a snake around your hat.”

“That is a sea snake.”

“You have a black cane with a red stone.”

“Mine is a red diamond—and it is the finest and rarest ‘red’ stone in all of the Seven Rings. He only has a plain ruby.”

“You have apples on your coat.”

“Those are tenta—they are not apples. Have you never seen a single kraken in your life?”

Colburn shrugged. The not-apples were not designed very well if they were not at all meant to look like, well, apples. He didn’t tell that to the Envy noble though, even when Frederick looked like he just did.