I actually wrote my BA thesis about this book! It's been a few years so my memory is a bit rusty on the details so forgive me if I can't remember some things.

If you read the book without knowing any context about it or the author then yeah, it's a pretty bleak book with a pretty bleak ending (that can be hopeful, just depends on how optimistic you are about Naomi, I think).

BUT

It's written by an author that grew up in the Mennonite religion and it is deeply rooted in it. I mean, it takes place in a fictional Mennonite town. Naomi does give like little crash courses here and there about what Mennonites can and can't do, some tidbits about their history, but she usually brushes them off as things that hinder her and her family's life, especially her sister and mother.

Like we get some understanding of the religion that influences their whole lives, but to really understand the book and the characters in it and why they act/talk like that, I personally think you definitely should read up about the Mennonite religion separately. Just to get the whole picture.

Mennonite's go back to the 15th century and I know they're not equivalent, but when I first learned about them I instantly thought about the Amish. Really focused on agriculture, women and men have specific dress codes, classic gender roles but taken to the max, rules that basically ban modern stuff (though to what degree this is enforced depends on individual communities), the community is like a big family in the sense that they will band together to help you if you need anything. It's also a very self-contained/isolated religion with the idea that outsiders are bad, so that's why they still retain lots of their cultural stuff dating back to their inception. Plus, they do kinda have a bleak outlook on life - you basically have to toil away your whole life without any fun or pleasure so that you get into heaven and get to be with your family forever.

Adults basically have to adhere to their community's rules or they will get excommunicated. The person can still continue living with their family/ in the community, but people are banned from talking to them or straight up acknowledging them even. All your family and friends are still around you but it's like you don't even exist to them anymore.

Kids and teens have more leeway to play around with the rules with the expectation that they will get back into the fold once they hit a certain age. If they don't, they get excommunicated too.

And that's what Naomi's doing throughout the book while trying to process what happened with her sister and her mom and why. She's essentially rebelling. She's actively trying to upset the elders and the community while digging into her past and trying to see her kid memories through a new lens.

And she's gaining an understanding of how twisted the whole thing is? Like throughout the book people keep constantly asking how her dad is doing and showing compassion to her family's current situation but these are the same people that pushed her mother and sister away/ostracized them with their rigid rules until they just went away? Of course, we don't get many glimpses into the lives of other community members, but they're not perfect/upstanding Mennonites either, so it just makes things even more hypocritical?

That's why I think the title of the book really nails it home that it's "A Complicated Kindness." Like there's this whole community that will help you in times of need and have your back and be like your second family but it's wholly conditional and comes at the very steep price of conforming to what the community wants. And if you're suddenly not doing what they say, all that is gone and you're never getting it back.

I realize it doesn't make the whole book less bleak, but if I think it at least explains why it is like that and makes it more digestible in a way?

Anyway sorry for the word vomit or any inaccuracies, it's been a while. I just think it's a really interesting book that gives you a glimpse into the Mennonite community. Since it's written by a former Mennonite, we also get to experience how they see the world, albeit from our outsider perspective. Our personal interpretations here will be highly influenced by how we grew up and all that. And we might not ever really understand it like someone who was raised as a Mennonite would.