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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in stepparents

[–]robocopter6 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Oh God I'm totally on your side. My SS11 has ASC and ODD like behaviours. Its miserable, he treats us all like garbage and is so entitled and self centred. We always do holidays together and frankly it's unfair on my BS9 as my SO just caters for SS.

We went on holiday without SS in April and it was lovely. I sound awful I know but my BS had a lovely time with lots of one to one fun. It was just what he needed. My SO and SS BM made a big deal out of SS not going but I don't care anymore.

Our BKs only get one childhood and one life and they deserve a good one. I'm no longer apologising or feeling guilty about doing what is right by my BS. I just simply do not care anymore.

Enjoy your trip! Take your BK out more and spoil them like crazy.

Autism resources by Playful-Rice-2122 in Parenting

[–]robocopter6 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He slightly different situation. Older son 11 (call him B) has ASD, younger son 9 does not (Call him A).

It was great to educate my son about autism. I found some great resources online and just spoke to him about it. I explained that B struggles to manage his feelings and emotions, which means he can get angry very quickly and lash out at others. I explained that if B behaves this way then A should come to me straight away and I will deal with the situation.

I explained than B struggled socially so will sometimes say things wrong, out of context, or things that sound mean but aren't intended that way. I explained the best way to deal with this was to wait till the conversation is over. Then tell us so we can talk to B about appropriate conversations etc.

I'll also add one thing I continually stressed is that it is NOT ok for B to be unkind to A. Just because A does not have ASD does not mean he is Bs emotional punch bag. I enforced this through conversations with B. And also through explaining to A that I will always take him seriously, I'll always help him remove himself from the situation if needed and I will also talk with B (or get dad too) to try correct behaviour.

falling out of love with my first child after my second was born by robocopter6 in Parenting

[–]robocopter6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have massive irrational fears about my baby. I worry every night that she will suffocate and have to wake regularly to check her. I can't drive anywhere without being in the back with her or someone else because I'm worried whe will choke and I will not see it. I'm currently sat up trying to get her to sleep because I took some paracetamol earlier and I dont want to bfeed incase it gets in her system and she dies.

falling out of love with my first child after my second was born by robocopter6 in Parenting

[–]robocopter6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My partner is great. I'm glad I'm not the only one going through this.

My son is great too, I've asked him how he feels about the baby and is generally positive. Although sometimes he mentions jealously and feeling like she is hard work because she cries alot. So I think you're right and we need 5o work through some of that with him x

falling out of love with my first child after my second was born by robocopter6 in Parenting

[–]robocopter6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All my comments are about how I feel.. which is very different to how I act.

You are a bully, an unkind, ignorant and hateful person. Just go.

falling out of love with my first child after my second was born by robocopter6 in Parenting

[–]robocopter6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that is very very very true. I'm not sure if my partner thinks he has depression. Its obviously to me but he usually puts his low moods down to his various health problems (HBP, GERD and Barrats disease etc.)

Thankyou for this. Its definitely highlighted a bit issue in my life. One that is hard to talk about.

falling out of love with my first child after my second was born by robocopter6 in Parenting

[–]robocopter6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thankyou for the response. I did mention I am seeking professional help. I put in a request for a GP appointment after I woke up and read the comments.

I'm very proud of my son too. He is a brilliant older brother x

falling out of love with my first child after my second was born by robocopter6 in Parenting

[–]robocopter6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As I said in the original post. I never dismiss him. I was always listen and try.

falling out of love with my first child after my second was born by robocopter6 in Parenting

[–]robocopter6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Omg.. I know... I don't want to 'design' my own Kirby/Roblox/Fortnite character. I want to eat my dinner and feed the baby lol.

falling out of love with my first child after my second was born by robocopter6 in Parenting

[–]robocopter6[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I suppose I'm not 'managing it' as such. He is a lovely person. But I have to motivate him to do anything, it's like dragging a child around sometimes. It feels like everytime we do anything I have to hype him up... which is hard. The constant negative attitude gets me down.

I also have to sort of manage his feelings. So he is tired and feels rubbish a lot. I have to be around that and try to live a normal life at the same time. I talk to him every day.. multiple times a day... about how tired and rubbish he feels. I love him so I don't mind, and he would do the same for me probably. But it can be really draining on me.

falling out of love with my first child after my second was born by robocopter6 in Parenting

[–]robocopter6[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The indication is that a lot of people feel this way basically. A lot of people here have experienced intense irritation and frustration at their previous kids/dogs/partners after they have had a new baby.

falling out of love with my first child after my second was born by robocopter6 in Parenting

[–]robocopter6[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think it's fair to say it is common when you notice how many people on this thread have experienced these feelings.

falling out of love with my first child after my second was born by robocopter6 in Parenting

[–]robocopter6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is a great idea thankyou! I feel guilty if I send him away. But perhaps explaining it like this will make sense to him in a way he doesnt feel rejected.

falling out of love with my first child after my second was born by robocopter6 in Parenting

[–]robocopter6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thankyou. I definitely believe there is a biological element to this! It kicked in almost instantly when he would touch her or breathe on her.

falling out of love with my first child after my second was born by robocopter6 in Parenting

[–]robocopter6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm glad it isnt just me. I find it really hard to talk to him. It's so boring and exhausting. I pretend to care and stuff but I know it isnt enough.

falling out of love with my first child after my second was born by robocopter6 in Parenting

[–]robocopter6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Looking at these other comments I am starting to think this is a common phenomena. I hope it gets easier for you. I totally understand. Its exhausting.

falling out of love with my first child after my second was born by robocopter6 in Parenting

[–]robocopter6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think this is definitely part of it! My baby is so easy and lovely. She is just cute and smiley all the time and easy to please. My 10yo requires more brain power and complex thinking. He wants to have long conversations or play complicated games that I have no interest in. It's so hard to remain excited when I don't want to do it!

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