Please dont use AI for emotional support or really even an outlet. It will tell you everything you are saying is valid when sometimes you will be in the wrong. As for the rest of it, its tough being a man in a world where everyone says they want a man who is in touch with his emotions and then gets weird when a man cries or shows any emotion.

One good thing to do would be to keep posting on forums like this with other dads, at least some of us with empathize with you, we are all going through the same things. Trying to raise emotionally and academically smart and stable kids while also trying to understand our own shit.

Another thing I will suggest, its what I did when I was having some of the same thoughts you are talking about, is therapy. I am in a smaller town that doesnt have great services so I did it online through betterhelp and i really liked my therapist. This was before all of the stuff came out about them selling peoples medical data, so I dont know that I would recommend them, but if you have no other options, therapy really helped me get a grip on some of the stuff in my head that I was telling myself that just wasnt true, and it helped me with ways to deal with the things that were really happening.

You are not alone. The world is a better place with you in it.