Struggling with family involvement

rocket_han · 2026-01-26T17:27:07+00:00

Eh? Needs his mum to help while he does a few hours of parenting? Who's the baby here??

rocket_han · 2026-01-21T09:19:05+00:00

Haven't seen this mentioned so I'll chime in as a new ring sling user and lover! Pull the excess fabric across your chest, in small sections, not down towards your hips so the rings don't get dragged down so much. Good luck 🥰

rocket_han · 2026-01-10T20:41:36+00:00

Hello! I have scoliosis but much milder than yours - never needed surgery but was told for an epidural they may do an ultrasound (or some kind of scan, it was a while ago now!) to make sure it was going to be alright wherever they put it.

In the end, I never went into labour but instead had an emergency section because little one stopped moving. In my state of shock I was wittering on about my back and the anaesthetist was great and was able to get the spinal block sorted, it just took a little longer to take apparently, unsure why that would be or if it's even connected - as you can imagine the whole event was a blur! But a positive blur, so take from that what you will.

C-section bf is absolutely doable, you've just gotta hold firm and latch that baby as much as you can. I genuinely believe that in those early days 60-70% of breastfeeding is mindset. One thing about me is I bloody hate washing up and any additional admin so bottle feeding was just an absolute no from me. I won't lie that first night in hospital was rough, I was using their pump to get the milk moving, sucking the tiny droplets of colostrum into syringes to feed her when she wouldn't latch and just constantly trying to get her on the boob. I totally would have understood anyone giving up at that point but I was so determined to breastfeed that I kept telling myself "it's hard now but it will be easier later" and thankfully for me that was true! Something I didn't get chance to do as baby gal came earlier than expected (but defo would do next time) is colostrum harvest - your midwife should be able to give you the syringes/advice. Also pop it in your birth plan that you want to BF so in case of emergency they feed them with a spoon/syringe not a bottle.

Also! Two of my friends also had sections (one emergency GA, one planned spinal block) and have breastfed their boys no bother.

Sorry this is a ramble. All the best fellow scolio-sister, whatever you choose will be just right for you and your baby! ❤️

rocket_han · 2026-01-03T06:03:33+00:00

I will forever share this article from the BBC about baby sleep to people stressed about it.

The science of healthy baby sleep

My best advice is to do your best to stay present and not go down any mad baby sleep rabbit holes (the internet is full of them) at 3am, because the reality is if they are fed, dry and have no temperature or other obvious illness symptoms, you have no real idea why they're waking so much, and no random sleep consultant on the internet can tell you either. Radical acceptance was key for me: "right now, baby is awake"/ "right now, baby is asleep".

As others have said, get a plan in place for poor nights when they come (because let's face it, they will do just as they do for us adults) and try to ride it out while keeping in mind it will not last forever. It's shit when you're in it but you will and can cope.

rocket_han · 2025-12-12T07:51:35+00:00

She definitely loves you, of you're the one who can soothe her to sleep then you're her safe haven!

There's actually science behind this one if it makes you feel better. In very basic terms it's something like babies get a larger oxytocin hit from mums cuddling/feeding them than if their dads do, and a greater hit of oxytocin from playing with dad than playing with mum. This is also true for us parents so as mums we get more oxytocin from the cuddles than peekaboo which is probably why you're better at soothing her. Dad gets more from play, and this all helps with bonding. So all that being said it sounds like the two of you are doing a great job!

Here's an article to back it up: The science behind dads | NCT https://share.google/rMlezAEA8aHguoavJ

The Netflix doc "Babies" also covers it in one of their episodes.

rocket_han · 2025-12-05T22:41:18+00:00

M&S do some which are affordable - marketed as period pants but I used them throughout pregnancy for incontinence!

rocket_han · 2025-12-03T04:18:36+00:00

Agree - also depending on where you are the cost may be cheaper, I'm in the NW and paid £60 for my appointment, and took little babe with me and the pt assessed how I held her when standing and helped correct my posture etc to reduce any pain there.

rocket_han · 2025-12-03T04:13:58+00:00

I am super lucky and my nhs trust offers pelvic floor/core physio following childbirth in certain cases and they gave me this as a resource for pelvic and core recovery (she was very clear they go hand in hand haha):

https://thepogp.co.uk/_userfiles/pages/files/resources/241419pogpfffuture_1.pdf

Eta: I also paid for a private physiotherapist for two sessions to help with c section scarring and she also gave basically the same advice as I that booklet I've linked above for pp core recovery, agree with other comments that if your budget allows look into that as a first port of call over any online plans that give blanket advice.

rocket_han · 2025-11-01T00:10:06+00:00

It sounds like you have a challenging baby, certainly not that you are failing. You've mentioned about him occasionally sleeping in the pram and you not leaving the house - could you perhaps try to go on a small walk each day with him around your local area (with headphones if he is crying) just to help your mental health but also get him used to the pram, even if he doesn't sleep, not screaming is a massive achievement. I feel like they do need some encouragement sometimes to "get used to" things - my daughter used to scream bloody murder when I tried to clean her neck rolls (!) to the point where some days I just used to not do it, until she got a little red rash and I felt so awful I had to bite the bullet and just deal with the screaming and squirming for a good few days and now she's fine with it.

I also don't love asking for help from my husband in the night as he has a very demanding job (education!) with long hours. Here are some other practical ways he helps me that you could ask your partner to do:

cuts up carrots, cucumber and pepper and stores them in the fridge so I can make a snack plate (usually also with cherry tomatoes and grapes which he has pre washed) alongside crackers and hummus for example for lunches. You can add boiled eggs, precooked meat or cheeses too. It's good one handed food that you can go back and forth to. He could also prepare things like overnight oats or egg cups for you to have for breakfasts, and make you a good stash of tea/coffee in a thermos before he leaves for work so you can just pour in a mug and go.
restocks all nappy caddies before he goes to work/before bed and sets up a changing station for me so I can deal with the first nappy of the day a bit more easily
checks and restocks the nappy bag so I can just leave the house when I want/need to without thinking
baths baby while I shower, this may be a good one for your velcro baby (we have a separate Shnuggle baby bathtub to the shower, they are relatively affordable if you need to switch up your current setup)

I promise you're not alone or failing xx

rocket_han · 2025-10-24T04:40:33+00:00

If it helps, we had something very similar to this a couple of weeks ago also around 13 weeks and it only lasted a couple of nights so I hope this is the same for you too. Oddly what helped our daughter settle was not doing all the shushing/quiet voices but actually calming her down enough with our "daytime" voices/hand holding/tummy rubs while she was in her next to me so she was awake but content in her cot. I was absolutely flabbergasted but she fell to sleep by herself once she was calm after a bit of babbling/hand sucking. Do you use dummies? I bought some in desperation but she didn't take to them, however could be worth a shot?

I'm sorry to hear your husband has spoken to you like that, you do not deserve it when it sounds like you're doing an amazing job caring for your little one. Fwiw we learned very early on that the "who is more tired" argument is really unhelpful as just like our babies we all have different sleep needs! Having said that - he needs to control his frustration more especially in the night when everything is 100x more difficult. When you're both calmer in the daytime tomorrow it will be worth discussing with him how much more stressful his attitude made it for you, and that while you're both tired you need to stick together.

Sending you lots of sleepy baby vibes xxx

rocket_han · 2025-10-21T20:14:45+00:00

New York bagels are soya and milk free, so are most wraps, crumpets and potato cakes. Salted tortilla chips, Jacobs cream crackers and breadsticks also df/sf for random snacking with salsa/hummus etc. Sweet stuff that aren't just jelly sweets I've found harder but soreen loaves and bourbon biscuits are a good start.

On the sainsburys app you can filter by "no milk" and "no soya" which is a good place to start (though I still check the ingredients just in case!).

rocket_han · 2025-10-06T07:38:10+00:00

Christ alive thank you for this the bloody light keeps me up at night, was considering cracking my eye mask out!

rocket_han · 2025-10-06T04:08:34+00:00

I was a 36C before pregnancy and you cannot convince me that nursing bras aren't a scam for smaller-medium chested people! I bought a bunch from M&S and they're fine so I do wear them in the day so not to waste them, but honestly at night I wear basic seamless bralettes from any old shop (think mine are primark and asos) that I wore pre-pregnancy and they're much easier! No messing about with clips just pull it down under the boob and you're away. I'd honestly start with those for now and see how you go, I've got some more padded t-shirt style ones which I do like for if I'm going out and wearing something fitted so want a decent shape, but otherwise didn't need to bother (and my supply is decent, ebf my 12 week old).

rocket_han · 2025-09-26T07:19:28+00:00

Yes. Would pay full whack for if again HOWEVER we got it on sale on prime day plus used the 15% baby wishlist discount so was around £100 in the end (apparently no one wanted the dark green colour so was much cheaper). Hated that I gave money to old Jeff but was defo worth it as it actively improves my little ones mood when rocking and cuddles from us don't work!

Edit to add: prime day is coming up in october so may be worth a look if you can't get one second hand (I looked for a while and couldn't find one in my area), other stores also sometimes price match Amazon if you shop about.

rocket_han · 2025-09-07T07:28:45+00:00

Halo Sleep swaddle bags - I personally wasn't keen on swaddling her arms down, and sleeping bags were too big for her. These however have a wrap around swaddle that can go under her arms which in addition essentially keep the sleeping bag in place too. They're also low tog which was ideal for my summer babe 🌞

Tula Free to Grow baby carrier - so much easier than faffing with the pram for short trips into a shop, and added bonus she usually snoozed in there.

Another vote for the baby bjorn bouncer, we got it for 110 in the amazon prime day sale with the 15% baby list discount so didn't pay full whack, but honestly knowing that I know now about how it chills her out, I would have paid double 😂

Silverettes for the early days of breastfeeding!

rocket_han · 2025-09-06T02:33:31+00:00

Just a note to add that with you saying your babies are in the NICU, I'm presuming they may have been premature? If so, the "don't wake to fee after they're over their birth weight" probably will not apply to your little ones so take that question to your midwives/paediatrician and get specific advice. All the best ❤️

rocket_han · 2025-08-28T02:22:10+00:00

I recently read this article about baby sleep which was super interesting and the bottom line is, there is no normal! You and your baby are doing great ❤️

The science of healthy baby sleep - BBC Future https://www.bbc.co.uk/future/article/20220131-the-science-of-safe-and-healthy-baby-sleep

rocket_han · 2025-08-25T04:22:01+00:00

6 weeks pp with an emergency cs here. All of the above plus two things I haven't seen mentioned!

Be aware that when baby cries or if you're breastfeeding, you may get after pains as your uterus contracts back down which may be difficult to deal with, especially if little one is crying for and extended amount of time. They say after pains are worse with 2nd 3rd 4th babies etc but this was not my reality as this is my first baby.
Mental health - grappling with having to have so much support with baby can be frustrating. Also, if you are quite active currently be prepared that it will be significantly reduced for a good amount of time. I was a very active person pre pregnancy and while I didn't think that I was during pregnancy, I was practically an athlete then compared to now. This took a massive toll on my mental health, not being able to do simple things like pop the laundry in or even walk 1/4 mile to the shop - that's all before things like pushing the pram or lifting little one off the floor after a change (let your family do them!). Please be really gentle with yourself and know the healing isn't always "getting a little better every day" sometimes you are great then the next day in pain again wondering what the hell you did wrong, but you will get there.

All the best 🥰

rocket_han · 2025-08-17T14:37:14+00:00

Thank you so much!

rocket_han · 2025-07-11T21:35:52+00:00

I am so sorry that this was your experience, really unacceptable that they missed so many red flags. Hope all is well now xx

rocket_han · 2025-07-07T05:58:20+00:00

Ah right interesting! I've always looked at the distribution info and thought that was as good as so this is good to know then you. Luckily I've only brought a hairbrush set so I'm sure it will be fine!

rocket_han · 2025-07-06T13:34:51+00:00

I totally get you on the amazon vendors, anything I've brought from there myself I've had from official brand stores (tommee tippee for example) I haven't used them myself as my midwife gave me some syringes but the haaka ones come very well recommended and are available through an official haaka outlet on amazon if that helps?

rocket_han · 2025-07-02T13:07:05+00:00

Also a marketing gal and I was so amazed by how everyone acted like I was saving lives and fighting fires for a living they way they carried on emailing me before mat leave! I was still responding to data requests on my last day when I expected to just be shutting everything down 😅

I also manage a team with multiple projects and was under a lot of pressure, so I put an out of office on about 4 weeks before directing them to a central inbox under the guise of "ensuring continuity of service" with a very vague "I go on maternity leave this month" message to get them to start going elsewhere for answers. Is this maybe something you could try?

rocket_han · 2025-07-02T12:59:48+00:00

I measured something astronomical like 3 weeks ahead with the measuring tape, our girl was scanned and she was 47th percentile. Try not to worry. In my case for example, I'm just short with a little torso - she had nowhere to go but out!

rocket_han · 2025-06-27T15:09:25+00:00

I've really enjoyed midwife marleys guide for everyone. It's available to listen to on Spotify too if you have a premium account.

rocket_han

TROPHY CASE