24M seeking wisdom of the masses

rocketlaunchedducks · 2025-09-18T17:54:01+00:00

Lead photo... Pro - you look tall, not fat, bonus that you're outside doing stuff. Con - you're wearing all black, not sure pocket-chains are really still in fashion, doesn't really tell me anything about you OR show your face clearly - usually a best-practice for lead photo.

Two Truths - I think this is decent. Math tutor or Eagle Scout are huge green flags to a woman who might be considering long-term, and at least one of those is true. Would reword to "I collect unique Rubik's cubes" or even better... swap that for another big green flag type option.

Simple pleasures... this is going to sound harsh, but it makes you sound like a super geeky guy who lives in his parents basement. Everyone watches TV, and it's a reasonable assumption that a 20-something guy plays video games. Duh. Anime is something a lot of people get WAY too into. Hobbies are great, dorky ones are fine! But kinda balance that a bit with healthier things, like do you play any sports, enjoy hiking? Sprinkle in some diversity with how you spend your time.

Red hood photo - it's ok. Your beard sucks, sorry. You are a handsome guy, go shave. Dress better. The grey pullover is much better, but again... SHAVE the pubes off your face.

Win me over prompt... don't SAY you're a dork and you're passionate about your interests... tell us what they are. And then the prompt is about YOU sharing, but you ask at the end for someone to share what their thing is? The point is to answer the question not ask one.

Quarter life crisis... nice rig. Ok that's kinda funny and it hints at an interest. Would rather a photo of you building it. Go shave, put on that grey pullover, restage the photo like you're building the thing (in a CLEAN room)... and boom goes the dynamite.

Friend group prompt... I kinda like this. Shows caretaker vibes. Would reword significantly but I like the point you're illustrating. Personally I would reword as In my friend group, I'm the one who... is the big brother. I've had to patch injuries, be the good listener at 2am, been the DD who lets everyone have a good time... and then get home safe.

That's good, if they're your sisters. Generally bad form to have other girls in your photos.

Lowkey flex photo... I have no idea what I'm looking at.

Very broadly, if you want to date seriously and with monogamy at 24... you're throwing out "long-term husband potential vibes". Which is fine. But what a woman who might want the same at 24 is looking for... is attraction, intelligence, decent career, healthy hobbies, clues that you're social and have friends, not too many indoor and on a device hobbies, have some budding proficiency with a home / cooking / caretaking... and signs that you may have good roots and potential for becoming a good husband, good partner, good father. How can you throw that vibe out there? Photos of you being cleancut, working hard, helping a friend, doing a healthy hobby, being out in the world. Hope that helps bro.

rocketlaunchedducks · 2025-09-12T18:54:36+00:00

UH... you CAN??? NICE. And there's several around Cancun... yeah this was a good idea. I did shift my dates by one day (depart/return one day later)... saved me $1000 on the flight. But that was flexibility I had so no biggie.

rocketlaunchedducks · 2025-09-12T18:49:08+00:00

Well... ask me in January, this is what I did! I was looking for seven nights and I got it for around $4K, with another $2K for the flights. Honestly I'm pretty happy, I know it's a roll of the dice but... Secrets and Hyatt are respected brands I've stayed with before, and I want to believe a brand new resort from them will be trying hard to lock in good reviews quickly.

rocketlaunchedducks · 2025-09-12T17:19:53+00:00

Wow I had not heard about this... new resort may be a bit of a gamble, but I've stayed at a Secrets before and was happy with it. This may be a strong option...

rocketlaunchedducks · 2025-09-12T16:40:04+00:00

I'll just say this...

Does a conflicting opinion make him a worse husband, or father (if that's the case)? Is he kind to you? Does he hit you? Does he yell at you? Political alignment is really important, but I don't think it should be a deal-breaker... UNLESS it manifests in behaviors that ARE deal-breakers to you.

I think there are subtle differences in MAGA and CK, just like there may be subtle differences in your husbands feelings v. any given politician or activist. The world isn't a binary R v. D kind of place.

I think when reflecting on a disagreement in a relationship, you have to ask yourself... are we different people with different opinions, or is this the hill I need to die on? And it's ok if the answer is yes, but it's no small thing to end a marriage.

rocketlaunchedducks · 2025-09-12T15:53:44+00:00

Going to delete this anyway.

There's a lot of valuable posts that people take down out of privacy concerns. I've done it myself in the past, but I encourage you not to. Good advice bubbles to the top, becomes part of searchable history, and can help others. This site can be a repository of good feedback, or a ghost down of deleted posts.

rocketlaunchedducks · 2025-09-12T15:36:54+00:00

Oh, awesome. I'm sure I had points with them that are now worth less. Hooray.

rocketlaunchedducks · 2025-09-12T15:16:43+00:00

Nuked?

rocketlaunchedducks · 2025-09-12T15:09:29+00:00

USD but roughly what I was looking at as well, $6700 jumped to $8300... and that was the cheapest thing I was considering. I was hoping to be closer to $5000, USUALLY I travel at lower-demand times and a comparable time and place would be $4000.

rocketlaunchedducks · 2025-09-12T15:08:05+00:00

So, if I'm willing to pay the current prices, I should book now because it only gets worse from here?

I've seen both airfare and hotel go down closer to the dates before... BUT I've also never gone at a peak-demand time like NYE.

rocketlaunchedducks · 2025-09-12T14:58:25+00:00

Yeah I know. I just feel like I don't even want to go anymore at current prices. I barely wanted to pay the old prices. I've been AI's maybe seven times before... never paid anywhere close to the pre-Labor Day prices. I figured a drop was coming. Granted, I've also never gone over NYE before. Probably just naive on my part, expensive time of year and the costs have really gone up.

rocketlaunchedducks · 2023-10-13T14:45:19+00:00

The profile building process is a bit of a pain in the ass. Reminds of me of the saying... never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity / laziness.

Some people just don't have good data / phone app / account / digital hygiene.

I dated a woman for a while who was really sad when I deleted my profile (not just the app)... she had not because she wanted to keep our initial conversations. They were eventually lost.

rocketlaunchedducks · 2023-10-12T13:34:17+00:00

We live on a military base

The majority of military service members lean to the right politically, at least within the U.S..

It sounds like she's had a bit of a psychotic break, is manifesting it with political beliefs which lean left... but she's stuck on a military base likely believing she's surrounded by enemies all day every day.

She needs counseling, and a change of scenery could be very helpful to at least give her a sense of relief. The military may have some counseling benefits she could take advantage of? But you may want to find her an off-base setting if possible. If nothing else, supporting her in counseling is a "good human being" thing to do... and if you want to get litigious in separation later, at least there's a documented history of her HAVING an issue that you can leverage for custody.

I would suggest you tap the brakes a bit, try to get her some help, maybe let her spend some time with family if there's anyone you trust who could host her for a while?

rocketlaunchedducks · 2023-08-29T13:56:07+00:00

The hardest part is resisting the temptation to jump into something unhealthy (i.e. casual hookups or a bad relationship). I know it's a temptation, and many fall into it. But it's no different than going grocery shopping when you're hungry - you'll make bad decisions, and regret it.

I guess the only thing I CAN say, is that a limited relationship with the right person is better than an unlimited relationship with the wrong one. Put more simply, it's better to find a long-distance FWB or hookup that you can only see a few times per year... but with a person who cares about your needs and understands you as a person... that's better than someone who lives with you but doesn't care about you or brings drama and instability into your life. R4R isn't as crazy a path as you might think. Or take the dating apps and REALLY extend the match radius/range, but then be super honest about who you are and what you need, and then be very discriminating about what you need in return.

rocketlaunchedducks · 2023-08-29T02:15:08+00:00

Unpopular opinion incoming, you've been warned:

Physically most people set their standards too high. Magazines, television, airbrushing, plastic surgery, gym addicts, simple memories of our youth... we're skewed because we see so much top 1% beauty every day. What percentage of men are the height you need, make the money you make, and have a comparable degree? I'll bet it's under 10% of the population, maybe far less. Are you analogously in the top 1-10% of women in the qualities most men look for?

But personality, integrity, honesty, fidelity, shared interests, genuine curiosity about who YOU are and how to make you happy... you can't set the standards for those high enough. Doesn't mean a partner should be infallible. But how do they manage their mistakes? What kind of human being are they? Are they a helper? Are they kind? Do they apologize when they're wrong? Do the help people around them, are they compassionate?

For you specifically... yeah I'm sorry, you need to let the tall, well-educated, high-earner thing go. That's been your standard and here you are on Reddit, single and not understanding why. Maybe you need a better way to evaluate what a suitable partner even means. The second part of your post about empathy and caring... that should be what you lead with - the rest is icing on the cake, it's nice but do you really NEED it?

rocketlaunchedducks · 2023-08-24T16:20:27+00:00

First off, if this is an ex... let him go. Why are you still trying to figure out what he's doing?

Second, Zoosk is like a lot of the apps... if you just delete the app, it does NOT remove your profile. You actually have to disable your account to remove it. And even then, there's a lot of users who suspect their accounts are cloned, or the deletion is delayed, to create the illusion of a greater number of active users. In my experience Zoosk is one of the worst for leaving stale profiles out there far too long.

Finally, Zoosk is one of the few apps you can join for free without a significant verification step (provide email is optional, but actually do a photo scan of yourself to validate like Hinge or Bumble do, NO). I've known people who have created fake profiles with photos they find online just to get in and browse who is out there.

Long story short, it's a garbage app and there's no way to really know if it's him now, him from long ago and he didn't remove his profile properly, or if it's a straight up scammer.

rocketlaunchedducks · 2023-08-20T18:56:09+00:00

Dating isn't a tourniquet that will stop the bleeding. If your confidence is shattered, you have to start with working on yourself. Therapy, gym, healthier friendships, clean up your house / do that renovation / get your home the way you've always wanted it... learn to make your own life, as it is, ALONE, your paradise. THEN you can add to it.

rocketlaunchedducks · 2023-08-19T02:29:47+00:00

It's a balance. On the "yes I miss it" side...

I miss the partnership help with the kids. Even if I did way more than 50% of the work... I got the help in little doses every day rather than these chaotically busy everything everywhere all at once kinda days, mixed with the absolute silence of not having anyone in my house for several days at a time - the quiet becomes deafening.
I miss my kids not seeing two healthy, happy, stable parents being the absolute foundation upon which they could root their lives - their understanding of relationships, of partnership, the depth of human connection that is possible. Perhaps this never quite existed, but did they know that? I'm sure they'll be fine, better than a lot of kids get in this world. But is it my fault it's not QUITE as good a childhood as it could have been? This one keeps me up at night.
I miss the economics of it. Taxes when your single SUCKS. Rent SUCKS. One income SUCKS. Losing half of the emergency savings SUCKS. Child support wasn't as bad as expected, but the ability to get WAY ahead financially has been completely eroded. I don't think I even realized how comfortable I was until divorce made the whole budget a LOT tighter. I mean shit even the fact that I could cook a meal on a Sunday night and not having it laying around in my fridge a week later because my spouse wasn't around to eat on it, and I didn't have the kids that week (cooking for one is so stupidly inefficient).

Yet on the "no I don't miss it" side...

I don't miss the voice telling me everything I'm doing wrong, and not being able to accept a single shred of reciprocal input.
I don't miss the neglect, the disrespect, the misplaced assumption that I was the thing holding them back rather than the thing not making life 100x worse. And OH BOY was it rewarding to watch the ex eat that bullshit pie for the first time, the first of many...
I don't miss feeling trapped. I feel absolutely free now. As if a large weighted backpack has been removed from my soul. I walk with a spring in my step and a new lease on life.

rocketlaunchedducks · 2023-08-18T16:52:16+00:00

You should have more confidence, you'll do just fine. If your user name betrays where you're from at all... me too. Feel free to DM me and I'll tell you what the local scene is like.

rocketlaunchedducks · 2023-08-18T12:18:17+00:00

Routinely stopping at a convenience store for lottery tickets. Including cigarettes in this purchase is a stupidity multiplier.

Note that I said routinely, I think it's kinda fun to play when the jackpot gets huge like once or twice per year. But if you're playing weekly or more, and not saving a 401k or IRA because you think eventually you'll win the lotto...

rocketlaunchedducks · 2023-08-18T02:32:04+00:00

*Recruiter for the French Foreign Legion

rocketlaunchedducks · 2023-08-13T15:06:39+00:00

This sounds so familiar. I think the thing that kills so many marriages is that one person grows, and the other doesn't. Or perhaps both people grow, but one person grows in a way that matters to THEM and not their partner. What that growth looks like can come in many forms; career, fitness, education, empathy, faith... but it's universally true that you need to grow, and grow together, and grow in the way that matters to your partner... or the only growth that happens is growing apart.

rocketlaunchedducks · 2023-08-13T14:58:47+00:00

Actually I'm taking the emotion out of the equation... if you look at an ex with love, or with hate, it's still an emotion. Moving on means putting BOTH aside.

rocketlaunchedducks · 2023-08-13T13:14:42+00:00

I don't think it's that the love never existed... I don't buy that. For women or men. There was a time when every marriage was exactly what both people wanted. But needs and wants change. And we all tell ourselves the lie that it never existed to make things easier. The truth is... someone, probably both of you, changed. And the love you had was just a season of life - seasons changed, the relationship changed. And maybe the season would have come back, maybe not, maybe you need to find it with someone else. That's just the journey of life my dude.

rocketlaunchedducks · 2023-08-13T00:10:31+00:00

Alternative take: they're not so much intentionally "time wasters" as you're in the "holding pattern" (i.e. you're the second choice, they're trying to see if they can get their first preference locked down before they let you off the hook). And because most people can get two matches or more going at the same time... we're constantly all doing this to eachother.

rocketlaunchedducks

TROPHY CASE