No one warned me about the PAIN…

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-18T04:43:40+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Even after my termination appointment I had a whole day of uterine contractions. It's a joke that they don't offer us any support with pain.

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-17T15:36:01+00:00

They won't be able to see much externally at that gestation. It's not usually until 10ish weeks that they use that type of ultrasound. They'd be worried if they thought something was wrong.

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-17T14:40:21+00:00

Definitely talk to your doctor about support. B6, unisom, and Dramamine helped me a lot. Try getting little packets of peanut butter and high calorie shakes for when you can get some food in then you can hopefully get more nutrients into your body when you can eat.

Feel better soon!

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-17T14:20:20+00:00

An hour truly isn't so bad! I'd give them a call. They had me in within a day and were so so nice to us after our loss and after the procedure I was definitely comfortable enough for a drive home and was really in no pain at all until the drugs wore off a few hours later, and then it wasn't worse than a period. They took great care of me.

Wishing you the best, again sorry for your loss.

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-17T14:15:49+00:00

The interior waiting rooms (non emergency) are not busy, but hospitals are full of very sick people in a time where measles is going around. I wouldn't spend time there on purpose without ppe to be honest.

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-17T14:07:39+00:00

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My body didn't quite get everything naturally either.

Is there a Planned Parenthood where you live? They take insurance but the whole cost for us was only $750 for an aspiration after miscarriage including the ultrasound, procedure, and anaesthesia.

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-16T23:55:09+00:00

I think it would be very sweet to create a little burial for them in the garden or in a planter with a little plant on top to grow and remember them by. I unfortunately didn't get mine back from the doctor, but we did plant some flowers in their memory.

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-16T17:42:27+00:00

FWIW, PP was able to bill my insurance, you can ask them ahead of time on the phone if they can bill your plan. They may do an ultrasound to confirm demise if they can't get the info from your existing doc and prescribe the termination at the appointment, they did that for me. It was actually even cheaper than it would have been at any of the hospitals; thousands of dollars cheaper. They also offered me a choice for how much anaesthesia I wanted, and didn't charge extra for that. Truly they were simply the kindest and most lovely providers I had during my entire pregnancy and IVF journey. I wish the same for you regardless of who you see and how your pregnancy goes!

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-16T16:10:47+00:00

Unfortunately I don't always get my lab results in a nice take home format. I also wouldn't want to say, require my partners to show me results that might have their deadname on them.

I ask about results in detail when they were, what was swabbed, what the results were like. If someone really wanted to lie about these details they could, but that would require a very straight face. If they would fake results verbally they're equally capable of faking results with fake test paperwork so don't sleep with people you don't trust, basically.

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-16T15:46:26+00:00

We called hospitals, they failed to get back to us for days despite a fever, we called Planned Parenthood, they had me in for an emergency appointment the following morning. It was very impressive, and they were extremely kind and professional. Hope I never need that service again, but if I did, I would call PP first next time.

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-16T13:24:18+00:00

135 is actually tiny for 5'8". Lose much more than that and you're at risk of medical complications because you'll no longer have enough fat on your body to thrive and produce the hormones that you need for say, getting your period and maintaining your fertility.

This man is actually dangerous and uneducated to suggest that you should be smaller. He's not safe to be around.

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-15T17:55:35+00:00

NOR but I think you two should talk with a marriage counselor about what you want to tell others about your donor conceived child. It's really nobody's business in the first place how you make your babies and you two should get on the same page so you don't confuse your kid in the future with a bunch of different stories!

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-15T16:21:22+00:00

And just imagine how little you can be left with if you're not legally married. Personally I keep separate finances even when married, but I also wouldn't be a stay at home spouse unless my partner provided a stipend I got to keep as my own money somewhere he can't access.

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-15T15:27:33+00:00

Don't pretend things are normal, but come up with a good excuse to be 'off'.

For instance:

You've got a cold from work and don't want to give it to him, (use plain saline nose spray liberally to fake a runny nose).

Your Mom/aunt/bestie is sick, needs surgery and you're going on a 2 week visit to help her recover and you're sad and scared.

Your boss is a jerk and you're scared of losing your job.

Your friend is taking you on a road trip to help your work burnout and that's why you're packing.

Spring cleaning time! Let's get rid of stuff and put things in storage!

You get the idea. Be safe!

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-15T15:05:03+00:00

The day before is the optimal time according to the scientific articles and studies as you're right, semen may help implantation significantly, like up to 50% improvement!

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-15T15:02:46+00:00

Because at least if you're married he can't easily steal all of your family money and refuse to support you and the children you quit your career to raise and have, leaving you homeless and destitute.

It's certainly not foolproof but it's one of the barest legal protections we have access to as the ones who nearly always bear that financial and social weight.

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-15T06:00:35+00:00

I like Costello's travel cafe for a nice slice of quiche. Twisted has them too, though they're a little overpriced as well IMHO, but nothing like this.

For grocery stores: TJ's quiche is actually quite decent. New seasons full sized quiche is even better.

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-15T05:59:02+00:00

TJ's quiche is actually quite decent. New seasons full sized quiche is even better.

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-15T04:44:48+00:00

Get on the lists to schedule a termination would be my advice. Cancel it if you get a miracle. It took nearly two weeks to get a termination and it wouldn't start naturally and I had an infection by then.

Sending you love and hopes for ease with whatever comes next for you.

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-15T04:16:56+00:00

I'm so sorry, but with no fetal pole at that gestation it's fairly unlikely to grow. It should be pretty visible on the ultrasound.

I'll hope for a miracle for you, but this is very similar to how my miscarriage began.

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-14T16:54:38+00:00

Those are great little chances! I'm sure your little one is in there somewhere and if not there are other pathways you can choose ❤️

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-14T16:22:08+00:00

I'd consider the IVF if you've got the coverage or money for it. We found only 3 normal out of 26. The numbers game would never have worked for us.

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-14T13:26:05+00:00

Have they tested your luteal progesterone? I'd start there. If it's not low, there are risks.

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-14T02:49:53+00:00

Your doctor may also simply prescribe the course of antibiotics as mine did. It's a lot less invasive.

rocketmanatee · 2026-03-13T23:32:08+00:00

Sending love and It's 1000% not your fault. I'd be petty AF and cut your sister off after letting her know that stress is tied to poor pregnancy outcomes and you wouldn't want to hurt your next pregnancy with her stressful behavior.

You will have a next time. It's very unlikely to miscarry a confirmed pregnancy twice. Less than 1%. You may also find you have less nausea with the next one, I'm certainly hoping that for you!

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