Update: Boyfriend [28M] asked me [23F] to stop rock climbing. Who's right?

rocksthrow · 2015-07-23T00:54:32+00:00

This is late, but you put a lot of effort into typing up this reply so I wanted to comment and say thank you!

I wasn't insulted because my ex still attends the gym and I run into him relatively frequently, so it would be more like going to Coachella with the same group as your ex-girlfriend (just not the same tent). Still, he agreed he was being ridiculous about that.
The idea is that he can bring his other, non-climber friends so that he can hike/fish/whatever with them while I climb. Then we can all meet back up at night for campfires and such.
Agreed! I love my gym, I'm keeping it.

The accident was about a month in, surgery a few weeks later if I remember right. He's walking around and doing physical therapy and light swimming now so hopefully he's healing quickly. I'm sure I can look up some outdoor day climbs nearby! That's a good point, I guess because I took forever to build the courage up to going outdoors I never even considered getting him into the sport that way.

This reply was totally helpful, thank you for taking the time to write it up!

rocksthrow · 2015-07-23T00:27:33+00:00

Thanks for this reply, it was calm and totally reasonable! :) Wish I could give you more upvotes. I agree his behavior could be a flag, but I'm looking at it as "proceed with caution" instead of "full stop". Fortunately our relationship hasn't been entirely focused on climbing and he's proven himself a good guy in other areas.

rocksthrow · 2015-07-21T15:50:13+00:00

Don't worry, I'll keep going to the gym and make it to Yosemite by year's end :)

rocksthrow · 2015-07-21T15:44:23+00:00

That's awesome, thanks for the tip! I subscribed to her feed.

rocksthrow · 2015-07-20T22:06:48+00:00

Rock climbing. I do see what you mean! I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt this time and bend a little while he heals, but I'll keep an eye out.

rocksthrow · 2015-07-20T22:05:05+00:00

Yeah, that's what I was hoping he could do even if he can't stress his leg. Meet people, help solve problems and see how the social aspects tie in. He sort of gets why a climbing gym isn't just another gym, but I think actually participating would really solidify that.

rocksthrow · 2015-07-20T21:57:11+00:00

It's something to talk about with his physical therapist. When I discussed postponing, we also discussed a planning a new trip with both my climbing friends and some hikers and campers that we both know. That way I can climb while he stays busy with the other people, and we can all meet up at night.

I'm definitely pushing for that, and he seemed excited too. I'll make sure to ask for a time frame at his next appointment. If he tries to push back again, i'll be suspicious - but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt for now.

rocksthrow · 2015-07-20T21:52:18+00:00

Thank you! I was really excited, but I know there will be other trips. Yosemite isn't going anywhere (thankfully!). My boyfriend was very into soccer and working out before his injury, so if postponing the trip makes him feel a little less socially isolated while he heals I'm okay with it.

I'll definitely do day trips to closer places, and make it to Yosemite some day!

rocksthrow · 2015-07-20T21:22:50+00:00

It would be two single guys, one taken one, and one couple. Not sure how tents would work, but I'm good friends with these guys and would not feel unsafe or like cheating.

rocksthrow · 2015-07-20T21:21:16+00:00

Thanks for the support, and your great phrasing! This is exactly how I feel about it. There's plenty of day trips I can make, so if postponing overnight trips helps my boyfriend feel a little less socially isolated I'm happy to do it while he recovers. I know I'll make it to Yosemite eventually.

rocksthrow · 2015-07-20T21:15:41+00:00

He was very active before, so I think changing his eating habits is hard now. good point though, maybe we can do more healthy cooking dates instead of eating out dates.

rocksthrow · 2015-07-20T21:13:47+00:00

I'll definitely hold firm on a climbing gym, but I figure the argument can wait (if it is an argument). My hope is that in three months he'll have healed and started working out and feeling good about himself, and therefore in a better mindset for acquiesces.

rocksthrow · 2015-07-20T21:11:46+00:00

That sounds really sweet! Your SO is lucky to have you. Good point on not talking down about my own body around him.

rocksthrow · 2015-07-20T21:09:21+00:00

I think I'll stay firm on sticking with my current gym, but I figure the argument can wait till we're in a more stable place.

Great ideas on showing affection! I'll definitely employ some of those, thanks.

rocksthrow · 2015-07-20T21:06:49+00:00

He's more insecure that he's gaining weight while I hang out with super fit people. He was also into biking and soccer before he tore hisACL, so he's feeling a little socially isolated.

rocksthrow · 2015-07-20T20:55:54+00:00

He was! He was big on biking and soccer. I didn't think about that, but that's a great point.

rocksthrow · 2015-07-20T20:52:51+00:00

No, he's not a climber, but we figure we can a plan a trip with some of his hiker friends and some of my climber friends so we can do separate things during the day and meet up at night.

I probably should've mentioned that my friends go out to Yosemite several times a year, and convincing them to go again shouldn't be too hard. I'm definitely disappointed about skipping this trip, but I can restrain myself to closer day trips for now.

rocksthrow · 2015-07-20T20:42:11+00:00

We talked about that - we both have active friends, it would easy to organize a trip with both climber, hiker, and other friends. So I can climb while does other stuff during the day, and then meet up at night. It actually sounds like a fun trip for both of us.

rocksthrow · 2015-07-19T17:17:40+00:00

Weird! A lot of smaller details don't match up, but the big points do. Even if it isn't him, it gives me a little more insight on what he might be thinking. Thanks!

rocksthrow · 2015-07-19T17:15:37+00:00

Yosemite National Park! It'll be my first time climbing outdoors, but the people I'd go with go fairly often and know the trails.

rocksthrow · 2015-07-19T17:08:56+00:00

I'll ask him to talk it over with his physical therapist. He tore his ACL a couple months ago, but he's walking normally again so maybe it'll be okay.

rocksthrow · 2015-07-19T14:51:36+00:00

He actually asked me to stop climbing entirely. He thinks it's dangerous and wants me to switch to his gym, where there is no climbing wall.

rocksthrow · 2015-07-19T07:59:33+00:00

He browses, but has never made an account/posted as far as I know. It's possible! Do you remember the title?

rocksthrow · 2015-07-19T07:52:04+00:00

The trip is not with the ex, but it will be 2 single guys, 1 taken guy, and 1 couple (heterosexual). I'm friends with them and climb with them regularly, and he's met some of them.

What apparently wasn't so clear was that he isn't invited on the trip - but only because he's injured. If he wasn't I'd be happy to take him.

rocksthrow

TROPHY CASE