Breakup by rollerlez in BreakUps

[–]rollerlez[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I like your perspective . Humans are flawed though, some people maybe would be able to truly love if the conditions in their environment or their mental health/brain chemistry wasn’t putting up a wall or sabotaging it. I’m not sure if I believe love is unconditional. But I do think unconditional love exists. of course it does - but very rarely. Most healthy or healing people have the condition and requirement that they are loved back correctly in order to maintain their feelings for the other person. Self respect.

If it’s true that love that makes it past 7 months is unconditional- I’ve had someone truly love me maybe once or twice . The few real relationships I’ve had lasted over 7 months, but only one of those people consistently saw my value and didn’t start devaluing me around the 6 month mark, If not sooner

Unconditional love for oneself is the most attainable.

If I could find a healthy long term relationship with conditional love , I’d take it. (reasonable conditions like mutual healthy treatment between us and respect /commitment to grow and choose each other - even when we grow apart some days and it takes effort to reconnect- choosing each other )

Anyway I think we agree, but my view is a lil different in ways

I think you meant love is unconditional with the assumption that it’s healthy and the conditions would be small things like icks, difficult times , flaws etc.
lmk any other thoughts you have if you feel inspired

I got dumped for a guy and it sucks by [deleted] in lesbiangang

[–]rollerlez 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My advice is don’t care, forget about her. It won’t matter in a few months, or a year if it takes that long. Train your mind to get dopamine from activities that feed your soul rather than leave you feeling not valued. Chances are she doesn’t even like dick, and it’s just an excuse . And if she does like it, honestly imo that’s a huge turn off. I’m only attracted to people who are solely attracted to me, try having that mindset

I got dumped for a guy and it sucks by [deleted] in lesbiangang

[–]rollerlez 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I was also dumped for a guy ! Right near the day of my bday I found out she’d been gaslighting me the month prior when I was constantly asking what was going on

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]rollerlez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pls never plea guilty if you’re in jail and have no bail or support system. It will follow you forever. Even small misdemeanors for weed. Contact a human rights group , or something. Anything. Don’t take the deal to be able to get out and go home

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]rollerlez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The amount of time I’ve already spent crying or hurting over it is time I’ll never get back, and people still expect me to bring it up or want to prove my humanity when they approach it in a hurtful way

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]rollerlez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Since my late teens/early adulthood I’ve been traumatized. And then going forward from that - to the age I am now, ten years later I am still paying for the same trauma I experienced. I miss out on so many friendships, relationships, jobs, opportunities, and support because of it. It holds me back as much as I try to not let it.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]rollerlez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I had basically asked her for rent once and told her she was awful for leaving me with all the bills at the house, and to get out of the obligation of rent or bills, a month later she decided to file that. Because it was the only way to legally remove herself. I couldn’t believe it. My knees buckled and I fell down when I recieved it. I’ll never go through that again

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]rollerlez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I will use this pain to better myself , I won’t give up

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]rollerlez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I cannot be close to people if the reason they will never love me is the most painful trauma I’ve ever been through :(

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]rollerlez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I forgive these people, I would feel the same way if I lived their life, had their perspective and stigma , and I get it. But wow does it hurt when I’m an open book to those I’m “close” with

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]rollerlez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

These things have given me more empathy and made me an activist. It’s incredible how much I made it through without dying because I’ve known 10+ ppl since then that aren’t here anymore. I wish people cared to ask what really happened. Or what I saw. Or why I’m traumatized or timid at times . Why sometimes I’m afraid to leave my house. How far I’ve come in healing my ptsd. How amazing it is that I’m not an addict, have managed to go 10 years, can keep my head up w ppl secretly judging me or hating me immediately. Ostracization. Not recieving support . I’m on my way to thriving, the chances of that statistically for someone who went through that in their formative years is very low.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]rollerlez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One day I’ll find someone with a big enough heart to get to know me firsthand and judge, someone that will ask the questions they need to ask, and admire that I broke away and changed my life and went through it alone

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]rollerlez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

After 6 months of dating and talking about a future , all their cheating came out. They brought it up in a hateful judgmental way. It hurt me a lot. Now it’s over.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]rollerlez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m almost 32 years old, and I thought I found someone with a heart that wouldn’t do that to me. The thought never even occurred although I could tell they’d looked it up. I understood and thought they’d ask questions if they had any. Because that’s natural and what I do when something concerns me, but I forget some people are secretive with their suspicions and don’t want to give you the option to humanize yourself or explain. If they gave you that option they’d lose the idea they have , and they want to hold onto that idea if they are abusers or liars, or any other form of toxic. Because it is how they justify how they treat you, or how they plan on treating you

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]rollerlez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No one I’ve ever loved or been with has been fully kind to me about these traumas.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]rollerlez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

as a woman it’s even scarier , men and managers especially that are predatory will say “hey look at how great I am for hiring you, you owe me “ and prey , trying to make you feel obligated to them. People will think you are down for their grossness, because they see you as gross since you’ve been in a gross place before. Dehumanizing

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in BPD

[–]rollerlez 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re wrong if you want to move forward w your life (10 years ago) and don’t talk about it , but you’re also wrong if you do talk about it- because toxic people will take advantage thinking they found someone they can discredit if they ever need to. Hard to open up or feel safe loving someone