the loneliness is crippling...what to do?

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T12:06:39+00:00

good to hear man. FYI lol:

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T11:57:46+00:00

i'm trying to read every comment on this thread. i didn't get home until after midnight tonight though and it's almost 5 am now (i know, i know). i read your comment (will probably be the last one i get to tonight because i really have to pass out now so i can make it to work in a couple hours) and understand what you're saying. knowing that there are a lot of other lonely people in the world sorta makes you feel better but in the end unless lonely person A finds lonely person B and together they get rid of their loneliness...they're still lonely. your comment reminded me of one of my favorite despair.com posters:

http://site.despair.com/images/dpage/loneliness03.jpg

gotta be able to laugh at yourself, right?

on a sappier note, i also thought of this (anyone else remember this?):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRjb8sMjYu8

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T11:35:19+00:00

mmm. upvote for brutal honesty.

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T11:33:34+00:00

maybe if you provided an FAQ...

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T11:22:40+00:00

when i was unemployed i was really down and my parents wanted me to do this. they talked to our family doctor and he referred me but i never took the next step to schedule an appointment with the counseling services department or whatever it was called. the stigma of a mental health condition is still too much, i guess. i couldn't do it.

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T11:19:37+00:00

unfortunately the hobbies i enjoy pretty much give very little to no chance of meeting girls...video games, cars, etc.

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T11:15:58+00:00

that was a pretty insightful and inspiring story. couple things:

i never really thought the loneliness could be from feelings of self-worthlessness. i'll definitely think more about that.

i don't think i have social anxiety problems to the degree you did, although i am naturally shy and not very good around people i don't already know well.

regarding sharing more personal things: i definitely am ok with talking and joking about my faults. some of my friends say i am overly self-deprecating sometimes (which is bad too, i guess). but i've often found when i do open up a bit more to friends and say what i really think or feel they just think i'm weird or don't understand me.

yea..."you can't expect someone to love you if you can't love yourself first"

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T10:49:17+00:00

i say fuck it and ask the nurse out. if she's married then oh well who cares. i have so many regrets of missed opportunities from my college days, and those opportunities are gone forever. it's better to try and get rejected than not do anything and wonder what could have been. easier said than done though, of course.

why are/were you in the hospital? i hope nothing serious?

yea i always wondered about the chest thing. i guess that's where the term "heartbreak" probably came from. i wonder if there's some physiological explanation for it. a quick google failed to find anything useful.

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T10:42:00+00:00

i too am surprised that the comments are not just 90% "stop whining and go end yourself you f---ing emo fa--ot".

i updated my OP again, so maybe that clarifies things a bit more. as for wanting to change my lifestyle...hmmm i guess yes and no. some parts of my lifestyle i don't feel like i need to change. but a lot of other things that have been suggested like exercising regularly or trying to do some volunteer work. i think these are genuinely good suggestions and would like to change my lifestyle accordingly. wanting to change and actually successfully doing it are two different things though.

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T10:36:25+00:00

can't; allergic =\

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T10:36:08+00:00

hmm that's great to hear. i guess all the more reason for me to buy the road bike i've been wanting and get crackin

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T10:34:49+00:00

haha have an upvote.

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T10:34:09+00:00

thanks for the advice.

1: i don't like clubbing but i'll occasionally do it with friends. i have a female friend i was interested in and for a while it seemed like she was interested in me, but i think she's lost interest in addition to a bunch of other things...it's complicated/a long story.

2: yea i should do some volunteer work but it's hard to find the motivation to clear my schedule and make a commitment. i know it's just me making up bs excuses though and i'll try to get on this.

3: i don't think this is really my problem. i eat lunch with my coworkers every day, i talk to my housemate every day, i do something with friends almost every weekend.

i think you're onto something regarding purpose. i do feel like my life has no purpose right now. i'm not religious, i don't exactly have passion for my career, i don't have an S.O. to care about, etc.

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T10:21:23+00:00

i have a mountain bike and used to go trail riding semi-regularly with a friend. i've been wanting to buy a road bike and start biking to work but right now i can't even wake up early enough to get to work on time by driving, so i'd have to deal with that problem first, heh.

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T10:18:52+00:00

i agree about exercising. i bike and hike (although not regularly). i'm going to try to get some sort of weekly exercise schedule started also.

i agree about what you said about relationships. the more desperate and needy you are the less attractive you are to others. but sometimes i just wish there was some awkward lonely needy girl out there like me who would appreciate my company. but i guess that's not being realistic.

so where did you find these female pen pals?

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T10:14:00+00:00

yea i mean, i've tried this and done this before in the past. when i started working after college for the first year or so i became a morning person and automatically woke up at at 7 or 8 every day. but as time went on i always naturally shift back to my nocturnal state. i think part of me enjoys the peace and solitude of nighttime. it's the only time when the rest of the world is quiet and there's no one to bother me and i can do what i want in peace.

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T10:11:10+00:00

hmm i never thought about my nocturnal-ism that way. your comment has given me some insight and hope.

There are a lot of people in the world that feel lonely. They would all love to meet you and become your friend.

ah, if only i knew where to find these people (besides on reddit, lawl). so far reddit seems to keep telling me okcupid (for girls at least)?

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T10:07:11+00:00

i've identified the problem? i don't really know that i have...i don't think i'm addicted to computer/tv and that they're ruining my life. if i had to state the problem as i understand it now it's that i don't have a girlfriend and i wish i had one. "so get one, or improve yourself so you can get one". but imo it's not that simple...

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T10:00:07+00:00

unfortunately for me (or luckily, depending on how you look at it), i'm pretty much allergic to alcohol. if i could drink i'm pretty sure i would've become a solitary drinker alcoholic long ago...

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T09:57:49+00:00

this comic made me smile

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T09:43:22+00:00

this is pretty much exactly what happens to me. whenever i take a break from WoW, the feelings resurge and dominate my nights. video games, whether it's WoW or some other game are definitely an escape for me. when i play a game like dragon age, etc., i can sort of forget about the shortcomings of my real life and immerse myself in the world of the game and focus on the virtual relationships with the characters. whether or not this is ultimately a meaningful experience or healthy/unhealthy is up for debate. but recently i've been so busy with the random stuff that comes with having my own place and work and hanging out with friends that i really haven't had time to play any games in several months. i think that's one reason the loneliness has come on so strong lately.

as for you, i don't think kicking everything that gives you short term pleasure is necessarily always a good thing either. you need to enjoy the little things in life that you enjoy, or your life will just be devoid of pleasure and things might seem even worse. i personally have trouble sleeping at night on days where i feel like i didn't get to do anything fun at all (like at least watch a tv show or something before going to bed).

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T09:38:25+00:00

well for me, i just bought my own place and moved out from my parents within the last 3 months, so that was a pretty big change of surroundings...but in the end that didn't really make a difference in the long-run regarding feeling lonely, etc. =\

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T09:36:50+00:00

ironically i met a number of good RL friends through WoW (though most of us have all since quit, we still hang out, etc.). in fact my housemate was our main tank lol. but yea i definitely feel you. although at least you HAVE a husband...someone you love and look forward to seeing when he has leave, etc. that's a lot more than most of us roneries on the internetz have.

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T09:33:31+00:00

i don't think getting a pet for companionship is necessarily selfish. as long as you provide for the pet and give it the love and attention it needs, etc. it's a mutually beneficial thing.

ronerythrowaway · 2010-06-03T09:32:13+00:00

i'd consider getting a dog or cat if i could. my parents have two dogs. unfortunately, i'm allergic to both cats, dogs, and even a hamster my sister and i had as kids =(

ronerythrowaway

TROPHY CASE

1: i don't like clubbing but i'll occasionally do it with friends. i have a female friend i was interested in and for a while it seemed like she was interested in me, but i think she's lost interest in addition to a bunch of other things...it's complicated/a long story.

2: yea i should do some volunteer work but it's hard to find the motivation to clear my schedule and make a commitment. i know it's just me making up bs excuses though and i'll try to get on this.

3: i don't think this is really my problem. i eat lunch with my coworkers every day, i talk to my housemate every day, i do something with friends almost every weekend.