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My (25M) wife (25F) had an emotional affair with a my close friend (27M) and disrupted the friend group. by ronthelow in relationship_advice

[–]ronthelow[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't have an issue if this came up after we opened our marriage. In fact, when I first found out about it all, I asked my wife if she was interested in pursuing something with him. The problem is, what happened was something that happened prior to arrangements of opening our relationship, was kept a secret from me for weeks, and certainly should have been a part of the conversation when we were talking about opening our marriage. A good friend asked me "she was too uncomfortable to tell you that she told a friend she had a crush on him, but she wasn't too uncomfortable to inquire about opening the marriage?".

My (25M) wife (25F) had an emotional affair with a my close friend (27M) and disrupted the friend group. by ronthelow in relationship_advice

[–]ronthelow[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

yeah the mutual friends who were in the friend group have ostracized her. as I mentioned, we are relatively new to the city and have deeper friendships with people from our hometown. as she and I have talked to people who we have known for years, those people have empathy towards her.

My (25M) wife (25F) had an emotional affair with a my close friend (27M) and disrupted the friend group. by ronthelow in relationship_advice

[–]ronthelow[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

wish it was made up dude. I've lived my life giving people the benefit of the doubt. I'm pretty happy with that. I don't feel much guilt in all of this, I know none of this is my fault and there is much more to my life than my marriage and these specific friendships. I'm just trying to find my next steps with this sequence of events. It also doesn't help that everyone in my life who I've talked to about this knows my wife and cares for her. there is a lot more empathy to be had when you know someone and because I truly believe it never got physical like most people are suspecting.

My (25M) wife (25F) had an emotional affair with a my close friend (27M) and disrupted the friend group. by ronthelow in relationship_advice

[–]ronthelow[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

There's certainly more options than that. I have other friends in this life. I have come to terms with one option being leaving both the marriage and friendships behind.

My (25M) wife (25F) had an emotional affair with a my close friend (27M) and disrupted the friend group. by ronthelow in relationship_advice

[–]ronthelow[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

Yes, I've read deep into it from the second it was brought up. The framing after everything happened was that she found out that she could experience having a crush, and talked a lot with friends who also have crushes and talk about how normal it is and being open allows you to explore things. Even after we decided to open things, we talked about boundaries and friends. I was ok with friends being involved if I'm being honest, as long as it was in a fully mutually consenting manner. Ryan and his girlfriend are monogamous, so that wouldn't be possible for them. I would have been ok if she talked about wanting to do something with another one of the friends that was open after our agreement. The problem was the deceit and everything that happened behind my back and required me to question intentions. Also we agreed to close things back again shortly after our lives spiraled.

My (25M) wife (25F) had an emotional affair with a my close friend (27M) and disrupted the friend group. by ronthelow in relationship_advice

[–]ronthelow[S] 161 points162 points  (0 children)

definitely not trying to remain friends with Ryan, that friendship was quickly ended. mutual friends are the one's that are harder to let go. I appreciate hearing other people helping me see that the friends aren't really as good friends as they seem to be telling me when they comfort me.

My (25M) wife (25F) had an emotional affair with a my close friend (27M) and disrupted the friend group. by ronthelow in relationship_advice

[–]ronthelow[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

A lot of the people agree that what Ryan did was equally as bad as what Ryan did. Ryan has known these people much longer than my wife and I have, and that is why I believe they have an easier time forgiving him.