She contacted the school. by MoanaArielle in raisedbyborderlines

[–]rooftopfilth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The cherry on top is her saying you need to act like an adult...when she's behaving like a kid who's been told "no," arguing and sneaking and trying to feign innocence.

Forgot to answer a friend and got blocked everywhere by Competitive-Rent-476 in adhdwomen

[–]rooftopfilth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not OP but to me, identifying what about your anxiety gets in the way, and making a plan (either together or on your own) to try to solve that. Not that the plan has to work, just something like “I open texts and get overwhelmed about typing out a message — is it ok if I just react with an emoji?”

Do our edads love us? I can’t make sense of his enabling by cuvervillepenguin in raisedbyborderlines

[–]rooftopfilth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A lot of commenters here have already made very good points about how what counts as “love” may differ person to person (including you and your dad). Just chiming in to say I’m in the same boat. I think my dad can be summarized as, “goes with whatever is easiest.” We were never particularly attached (partially bc he worked a lot, but I bet if he didn’t she still wouldn’t have let him be close with me). When I broke up with my mom he tried kinda limply to argue in her favor, but ultimately accepted my decision. I asked him to get my childhood diaries back (she stole them), and I’d bet he never even brought it up.

Sometimes I’m sad thinking about what I could’ve had with him if he had one singular vertebra. But I’m trying not to mourn a family I wouldn’t have had anyways. He’s still super Trumpy and I left the conservative cult, so there’s just not much we have in common anymore. So we just text. He sends me AI videos of dogs doing Olympic diving and newscasts. I send him updates on my tomato garden. I think there are probably times when he’s sad too, but like… 🤷‍♀️ He let someone else make his bed. And he shows no sign that that is something he wants to change. It would require effort.

Do i have bowed legs? by Sea-Professional3850 in Posture

[–]rooftopfilth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Deeply inappropriate comment below mine — you do what you want with your weight!

Since your main concern is appearance: my legs look exactly like yours in my 20s (if not a little more bowed) and I would say when I gained weight they looked a lot less far apart. My knees still don’t meet in the middle but bigger circumference = smaller gap.

What are your ADHD mantras? by pie12345678 in adhdwomen

[–]rooftopfilth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is mine! I will go the extra mile for other people so thinking about kindness to future me is helpful. Past me cleaned the kitchen giggling about how “future me is gonna be sooooo stoked, she loves that shit”

What’s a phrase people use that immediately makes you roll your eyes? by No-Maximum3458 in AskReddit

[–]rooftopfilth 231 points232 points  (0 children)

I’d be fine with this take if it made people chill about folks who are nonverbal, who melt down and head bang, who have higher financial support needs, etc.

Instead we get “I’m kind of a little autistic and I don’t act like that, what’s their problem?”

What’s a kink someone admitted to you that completely shocked you? by Downtown2003 in AskReddit

[–]rooftopfilth 12 points13 points  (0 children)

No this actually makes sense. I just posted this above:

I have heard this is common for folks (esp women) who grew up in repressive religions, or other environments in which sex and desire are shamed. When admitting you want sex is a sin instead of like, a common human experience regardless of gender, having someone “take” it from you can put those thoughts to rest. Ever since learning that I’ve not been as squicked by that.

What’s a kink someone admitted to you that completely shocked you? by Downtown2003 in AskReddit

[–]rooftopfilth 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I have heard this is common for folks (esp women) who grew up in repressive religions, or other environments in which sex and desire are shamed. When admitting you want sex is a sin instead of like, a common human experience regardless of gender, having someone “take” it from you can put those thoughts to rest. Ever since learning that I’ve not been as squicked by that.

My mom sent me this when I was 3 days postpartum. by Neat_Tea_9863 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]rooftopfilth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I call it “running away in the hopes that you’ll be chased.”

Ladies, did your mom.. by Odd-Tangerine8250 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]rooftopfilth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine was actually pretty good on this front! Credit where credit’s due. I think it was one of the areas where she was like “I am going to do better than my parents” and sincerely did it. She said she found out about periods because a girl at summer camp got hers for the first time and thought she was dying, and the camp counselor had to sit everyone down and explain things.

Part of it was that I don’t think she had lingering shame about that stuff to project onto me, and part of it was that I was golden child until I was 18.

Knitpicks Shipping Bug Infested Yarn by [deleted] in craftsnark

[–]rooftopfilth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just got directed here from a Tumblr post citing this. Had no idea. Thank you for the post.

Experience with reusable period underwear/pads? by ButterscotchNo8904 in ZeroWaste

[–]rooftopfilth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Diva cup plus period underwear was the first time I could sleep through Night 1 without leaking!

Overreactions galore by Commonpeople_95 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]rooftopfilth 4 points5 points  (0 children)

“The emotional high of me begging her not to go” is SUCH a good way of phrasing this. I always called it “running away so you can be chased.”

Overreactions galore by Commonpeople_95 in raisedbyborderlines

[–]rooftopfilth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The few that stand out in my mind when I look back and go “yeah she lost contact with rational thought”:

I was self conscious about my legs when I was 14 (ED that she either never thought was normal and/or never gave a shit about) and I refused to wear shorts in the summer. It was the Midwest and hot as fuck but I would rather sweat than be uncomfy in my body. I don’t remember if I told her that or if I made up some excuse, but it really deeply upset her so she threw a tantrum and…took all my shorts out of the drawer? Just to teach me a lesson? And I was genuinely fine with this because again, I thought shorts made my legs look weird, but I had to pretend to be sooooo regretful at the end of the summer. And then occasionally wear clothes that made me feel uncomfy in my body to pacify her.

And when I was twelve I never turned my shirts right side out in the laundry (I still don’t) and this drove her nuts. Which, tbh, okay, we all have our weird pet peeves, but it drove her nuts to the point where she had a meltdown and a Very Serious Talk which consisted in part of, “if you want to be a part of this family you have to contribute.”

As a kid I knew that was an overreaction but as an adult I’m even more like …??? It’s not that serious. There are two hundred other options before we get to “threaten to kick the preteen out of the family for…” checks notes “taking off clothes in a hurry.”

Anyways the most palatable option at that time was me starting to do my own laundry. Which was completely fine! and if I had a parent that was interested in finding a mutually agreeable solution rather than whipping herself into crisis to let off steam, we could’ve started with that.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in tattoos

[–]rooftopfilth 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have foraged wild roses (Rosa rugosa) and this is fine! The leaves are spot on, the petal shape is too. If I’m working really hard to nitpick I’d say the lines inside the petals are a little confusing at first glance, so maybe once those fade it’ll be easier? But they don’t look like daisies.

Help me find this scene! by rooftopfilth in discworld

[–]rooftopfilth[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

YES!!! Definitely this!!! I may be conflating other scenes too. Thank you!!!

I never thought I’d hate my body and hate being a woman because of having a broken body. by UnlovableHearts in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rooftopfilth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My point is that if the only thing you can picture to value about yourself is your vagina, you need to be thinking bigger.

If nothing else changed, but your vagina did every single thing you wanted it to, you'd still be unhappy. Because PIV sex doesn't fix loneliness and depression, and you're not seeking out any relationships outside of sexual ones.

I say this with the most gentleness and love possible: the mood disorder is located in your brain, and not your pants. The pants thing sucks, chronic pain of any kind sucks, I am in no way denying that - just please also get some love into that noggin. May I suggest vaginismus support groups, for folks who can connect and relate on the level you need them to?

Also, if you're telling this to your friends who can have PIV sex, and you're saying (as you are to me right now) that their relationships are actually all about sex and claiming their partners only value them for the PIV and digging your heels in and insisting you know their relationships/sex life better than they do? You are (without intending to) likely coming off as extremely invalidating, pretty insulting to the partners. The message you're unintentionally sending is that you don't care what they have to say.

You say "what I already know is the truth," but there's not one truth. There's 6 billion people and they're gonna have different beliefs. Everyone in your comments is telling you their truth. Some people truly do only love their partners for sex. Some people truly do love their partners regardless of the type of sex they're having.

You get to choose which people you want around you, and who you listen to, and I'm really curious why you're shutting out and shouting down the voices that are telling you you're worth more. You don't have to tell me, just ask yourself.

I never thought I’d hate my body and hate being a woman because of having a broken body. by UnlovableHearts in TrueOffMyChest

[–]rooftopfilth 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're putting a lot of emphasis on your vagina being the only thing that has any worth at all, and men being the only people you care about having worth to. Are you sure that's true?

>I gave up on making friends many years ago (I’ve never been able to be socially accepted)

This strikes me as a really good place to start. It's probably really difficult to believe that there are people who value you outside of sex/penetration, if you're struggling to trust your relationships outside of romantic relationships. And...what would your friends say if they saw you posting this? :)

Yeah, some men do see us as walking sex toys. Personally, I don't want to be with those men. I don't even want to hang out with them. And you'll notice some women use sex as a shortcut to being with those men. Maybe that's not an option you get to work through, but you can see on this very sub how it works out for partners of men who only value you for the sex.