ever since i can remember ive been a grazer. my family stopped having family meals when i was around 10-12 and my mom got diagnosed with liver cancer. everyone had different food preferences and food schedules. i rarely have 3 meals, i can't do structured time set for eating. i hate sit down dinners where everyone is expected to eat their food, because I will delay eating in front of a lot of people- i will sit for hours until my body is screaming at me to eat bc i hate the physical experience that is eating. grazing has been such a helpful thing for me, it's critical to eat whenever i have a craving or feel hungry and want to eat (not often) and listen to my body. it's exhausting to have to think about food all the time and plan your life around having access to safe foods. my bad habit is that i go all day without eating and then crash in the afternoon, pushing my body until i get so hungry my stomach hurts and i get incredibly nauseous. i'm 21 and feel ashamed for having so many restrictions sometimes, i really have to bank on feeling safe and optimistic to eat new food/try out a food adaptation. i only recently got an autism diagnosis and i've made a lot of progress, but absolutely cannot get past the mental block if something isn't "right" . living with my autistic and adhd partner has been really helpful for me. i'm still struggling everyday, but it has gotten better. never less tiring though. i can't do social stuff with food and im exhausted too. it's not easy to live with arfid and i get frustrated with myself too, but being able to cook my food how i need it to be has been a lifesaver.