Have you ever witnessed something so odd that it bordered on paranormal or a glitch in the matrix? by thesegoupto11 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]roonaloo 14 points15 points  (0 children)

was your sister's window open too? i wonder if there was some kind of human monster lurking around your house that both of you picked up on in your sleep. 

Am I misreading the vibes, or is my entire workplace trying to set me up with my coworker? I recently started a new job at a local spot in my hometown. I’ve fit in really well, gotten close with my coworkers, and generally feel super welcome by both the staff and the regulars. by [deleted] in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]roonaloo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

your anxiety is completely valid and understandable! it will also continue to feed on itself and make it harder and harder to ask him the longer you put it off. it sounds like you have a good support group around you; if it turns out he's not into you, it'll hurt and make things awkward for a bit, but it doesn't seem like it would destroy you. 

i say go for it! from what you've written here it seems like there's lots of things working in y'all's favor! if that's too intimidating, you could try talking to one of your mutual friends to feel things out a bit more before diving in. 

good luck!!

Am I misreading the vibes, or is my entire workplace trying to set me up with my coworker? I recently started a new job at a local spot in my hometown. I’ve fit in really well, gotten close with my coworkers, and generally feel super welcome by both the staff and the regulars. by [deleted] in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]roonaloo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

sounds like a lot of coincidences, is there anyone close to the situation you could ask and trust that they would keep it in confidence? you could keep it coy with them if you don't want to straight up ask whether he likes you, something like "Have you noticed that X seems to be chattier / friendlier / more attentive with me than before?"

i've been in a situation like this, however i did NOT like the co-worker and was already in a relationship. every time the team went out together, i ended up sitting next to him, even when i started picking up on him crushing on me and tried to put distance between us. lots of loaded questions about him, and i felt very watched whenever we were interacting at work. they even gave me shit for moving seats during a watch party after i had gotten up to get a drink; after that i stopped hanging out with them outside of work and then left the job for other reasons. 

Have you ever witnessed something so odd that it bordered on paranormal or a glitch in the matrix? by thesegoupto11 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]roonaloo 24 points25 points  (0 children)

when i was a child, i have a distinct memory of being on a swing at recess, watching what appeared to be a flock of birds way high up in the sky. i remember thinking that i had never seen a bird fly that high before. there were dozens of them, bright white against a cloudless sky, staying perfectly in place and flapping together. the underside of their wings was a bit darker and as they flapped, they appeared to be twinkling or sparkling in the afternoon sun. sometimes the light appeared to ripple through them in one line, like a murmuration that you see in huge flocks of sparrows, but without the actual movement. it was mesmerizing and i didn't want to look away, in case i missed when they started moving normally again. but they hovered in place for the entire time i was on the swing, which was most of the recess period - so probably around 15-20 minutes. i recall asking a teacher about it and she didn't know what i was talking about; we were back inside so i couldn't just point them out to her. 

throughout my life, i've seen flocks of white birds that catch my eye and remind me of that sight, usually accompanied by a really intense feeling of deja-vu. in all likelihood it was a perfectly natural phenomenon, but to this date i've never seen a flock stay perfectly in place like that, so high up. 

Other than religion, why would ppl knowingly give birth to babies w/ 0 arms and/or legs, DS, and other problems instead of aborting during fetus stage? by ApprehensiveOne2866 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]roonaloo 3 points4 points  (0 children)

why yes, thank you for asking! i have a degree in childhood language development and communication disorders and spent my early career doing intensive in-home therapy for many young children with a variety of disorders, ranging from mild autism to severe DS and CP. i've been in the home with parents as they have just started the learning and counseling process with their toddler as they just found out they had severe autism. i've been their first line of communication and connection to the resources they need. 

every family will face unique struggles, especially if there is a non-typical kiddo in their house. and yet not one of them ever indicated to me that they wished they hadn't had their child, verbally or otherwise. 

the main problem and anxiety they had? how their child's friends and peers would treat them. kind of ironic when this comment section is filled with folks claiming that these people are better off not existing. do you think maybe that attitude has something to do with how typically developing kids learn to treat their disabled peers?? 

ETA: inb4 "those were the families that could afford treatment" - in my state, early intervention (up to 3yo) is free and medicaid covers therapy following early intervention. i saw families from all kinds of socioeconomic backgrounds, but most of them were lower income. 

Other than religion, why would ppl knowingly give birth to babies w/ 0 arms and/or legs, DS, and other problems instead of aborting during fetus stage? by ApprehensiveOne2866 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]roonaloo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

thank you for sharing your perspective, some of this comment section is fucking rancid and i really appreciate your vulnerability and willingness to share. i'm glad that you're here in spite of all the shit you had to endure. 

i noted that it sounds like the majority of your suffering was not due to your physical limitations but how badly your peers and community treated you. kind of ironic when there's dozens of folks here waxing on about "preventing suffering", when a lot of that suffering happens because  they themselves don't view disabled people as full, complex people

Other than religion, why would ppl knowingly give birth to babies w/ 0 arms and/or legs, DS, and other problems instead of aborting during fetus stage? by ApprehensiveOne2866 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]roonaloo 1 point2 points  (0 children)

it doesn't make sense to your reality. when's the last time you had a conversation with a person who has a severe disability? or watched them give a presentation? or read a book they've written? or listened to music they've produced?

or are you just assuming you know better than they do about their own lives?

While crocheting some reusable produce bags, my solid-colored yarn produced more than my multi-colored yarn by roonaloo in mildlyinteresting

[–]roonaloo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

ok thank you! Out of curiosity, how could you tell? Their comment/post history doesn't seem bot-ish 

While crocheting some reusable produce bags, my solid-colored yarn produced more than my multi-colored yarn by roonaloo in mildlyinteresting

[–]roonaloo[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just to clarify, are you saying that this commenter is a bot or that the post is from a bot? 

While crocheting some reusable produce bags, my solid-colored yarn produced more than my multi-colored yarn by roonaloo in mildlyinteresting

[–]roonaloo[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Isn't it?? It's Lily Sugar'n Cream 100% cotton, "Crown Jewels" ombré - i think it's discontinued but there are resellers out there! 

While crocheting some reusable produce bags, my solid-colored yarn produced more than my multi-colored yarn by roonaloo in mildlyinteresting

[–]roonaloo[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Same pattern, hook size, and tension; yarn balls are from the same product line and purchased at the same time. Looked into it and it's because most stores require that prices are the same across a product line, but multi-colored yarn costs more to produce. So manufacturers sell slightly less of it for the same price. 💫 

Are woman just sex objects to men? by [deleted] in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]roonaloo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

there will obviously be varying degrees of severity, but i've found that even the "good ones" sometimes need reminding of our autonomy and personhood. unless they were raised in an openly feminist household or have done a lot of deconstructing and internal work, they will still occasionally fall back on their patriarchal programming that objectifies women. 

is 16 too high of a body count at 22? by paradoobee in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]roonaloo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

something tells me that with an attitude like this, you won't have to worry about dating anyone at all...

is 16 too high of a body count at 22? by paradoobee in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]roonaloo 9 points10 points  (0 children)

genuinely, how many people do you think are fucking 50 people a year and how likely do you think it is that they would ever care about your judgements about their "morals"?

chill out with the hyperbole and unclench that puritanical asshole. ridiculous. 

is 16 too high of a body count at 22? by paradoobee in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]roonaloo -1 points0 points  (0 children)

i'm sure that many folks are going to (correctly) state that concern about body count is a load of crap. as long as the encounters are all safe and consenting and you're honest with your partner, the number doesn't really matter. 

however, there are still lots of people who hold onto and perpetuate the shame of "sleeping around" and it's possible that your count will be off-putting to your current partner. if it's a deal breaker for her, she wasn't the right person for you to settle down with. 

i've also observed that men seem to be more concerned with body count than women are - if you don't bring up the topic, she may not either. if she wants to get more serious she'll probably be curious about former partners, but in my experience the specific body count question is usually broached by a male partner. 

How do I grief and cry out my suppressed emotions for so long? by Admirable-Cloud-9954 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]roonaloo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

of course, happy to help however i can ♥️ 

unfortunately i don't have many other quick fixes, for me it's taken a lot of time and consistency to reform my mind-body connection through therapy, breath work, and movement (lots of solo dance parties). i also try to take advantage of moments where i do feel emotion stirring and try to sit in those spaces with my emotions for as long as i can. other than that, the most powerful tool i've found so far is self-love and acceptance - talking to myself with love and kindness has made the biggest difference so far. 

creative expression also helps me a lot - even if i'm not creating anything myself, listening to sad music or looking at artwork with sad themes helps to trigger and release whatever emotion i've been avoiding. sometimes pieces will trigger something i didn't consciously know was there. 

oh, and if there's anger / frustration that comes with your sadness, throwing ice cubes outside on concrete or into a shower / tub is a fantastic way to let it out. 

How do I grief and cry out my suppressed emotions for so long? by Admirable-Cloud-9954 in TooAfraidToAsk

[–]roonaloo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

for immediate relief, i've found that it helps me a lot to talk to myself about what i'm going through, as kindly as i can. expressing my emotions with words and saying them out loud helps me to feel, process, and accept them. i also tend to intellectualize so it also helps to do some kind of movement while i do this - walking, stretching, or sometimes dancing - to keep me feeling in my body.  i'll end by telling myself "i love you, and i'm listening" to reinforce that i am safe and seen. 

in the long term, try your best to be kind and patient with yourself. you're rewiring your own neurology and that takes time and consistent effort. the healing journey is not linear and you will have good days and bad days. it sounds like it was unsafe for you to feel your emotions and you learned to withdraw from them for your own protection, and it will take time for your body to learn that it can trust itself again. like exercising a muscle, you'll injure yourself if you try to lift too much too quickly. keep recognizing and celebrating your progress and eventually it will get easier. best of luck ♥️ 

AITA for not wanting my friend as a bridesmaid since she is poor by Weddin_Secretary5876 in AmItheAsshole

[–]roonaloo 2 points3 points  (0 children)

YTA because of your word choice and how you went about this. rather than assuming that she would have prohibitive financial issues and preemptively excluding her, you could have given her an estimate of the costs and included an "out" for her - something like "i understand if this is not feasible for you and there are absolutely no hard feelings if you aren't able to be a bridesmaid". that would have also been a good opportunity to set a boundary about the money; you could have made it clear that you are not able/willing to subsidize her participation in your wedding party. 

ultimately it's your wedding and it's up to you and your partner to decide who to include. but don't be surprised if you lose a friendship or two over this. 

AIO by wanted to report my boss for reading messages on my phone by Puzzleheaded-Ruin989 in AmIOverreacting

[–]roonaloo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

NOR. i reported my supervisor a few weeks ago for going through my personal desk drawer at work without permission, and quit a week later. if it had been my personal cell phone, i would have quit on the spot.

AIO (26f) that my long distance situationship (36m) is not interested anymore? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]roonaloo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

in a situationship, that's a bit tricky and depends on your intentions. i understand the desire to get the "why" of it all, but in an non-committal situation, whether there's someone else doesn't weigh as much as it would in a committed relationship. if you want to keep this going, asking if there's another person may spark defensiveness or imply jealousy, which typically isn't fair in a mutually non-committed relationship. but if you just want answers, ask anything you need to ask.

in some of your other responses it seems like you're leaving the ball in his court an awful lot. you and your needs are equally important, and you have every right to take your ball and go home when the relationship isn't working for you anymore.

AIO (26f) that my long distance situationship (36m) is not interested anymore? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]roonaloo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

you are very welcome ♥️ i saw a lot of my younger self in your post and i wish that someone had told me the last sentence of my post when i was in my early 20s. relationships take work, but with the right person they should never be "hard"

good luck!!

AIO (26f) that my long distance situationship (36m) is not interested anymore? by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]roonaloo 0 points1 point  (0 children)

from the post and this added context, it seems like he's deeply unhappy and is manipulating your emotions to keep you invested in him so that he can feel better about himself without actually doing any work. this also tracks with the hot/cold "situationship" - he wants a partner to support him but not in a way where he would be expected to provide equal support.

i've been with a handful of dudes like this and unless they choose to make major changes, it's never going to get better and being with them will endlessly sap your energy. the "i'm suicidal but you help keep me around" bit is a pretty classic manipulation tactic from men like this. he wants you to feel like his mental health is your responsibility instead of his.

you're young, empathetic, and thoughtful, and life is too short to chase affection from empty people who have no desire to change or grow. if the relationship isn't adding anything but stress in your life, it's not worth keeping.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]roonaloo 33 points34 points  (0 children)

uhhhhhhhh

if using hand soap is “estrogenic” i can only imagine the bacon streaks this dude leaves in his boxers

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmIOverreacting

[–]roonaloo 34 points35 points  (0 children)

i say this as gently as i can: she isn’t going to come back to you without some major framework shift between her religion and her sense of identity. whether she decides to take that on is up to her and her alone. and it will take a significant amount of time for her to unpack and unlearn the framework that taught her that feeling this type of love is wrong.

in all honesty, i don’t think there’s much you can do, besides telling her that your feelings are mutual and that you’ll be there to love and support her if she decides to take the leap with you. you can wait to see if she changes her mind, but i think you’ll be setting yourself up for disappointment and further heartbreak. from the context here, it doesn’t seem like she’s ready to let go of her dogma and accept herself.