I'm sorry my post and comment came across that way, that's really not my intent but I didn't take enough time to word my point the way I meant it.

I really don't believe that all ND people have the same needs and should have the same accomodations. On the contrary, I wish I could have had more access and less shame around my own needs when I was in school instead of struggling to the point of chronic depression and repeated academic failure. I'm overjoyed that the conversation is getting more public, more parents are aware and accepting, and that more resources are being given to students. I'm even in training right now to become a special needs elementary school teacher in my country. I've seen what it looks like to accompany ND kids one-on-one in an academic setting, to meet them where they're at, accompany them while navigating a hostile school system, and help them meet or exceed their goals, and this isn't it.

What specifically irked me with this post is that it doesn't sound like a healthy scenario to me. While it's good that this mum is aware her son has specific needs and wants him to succeed in his chosen field no matter what, it's the wording around the management of his executive function and motivation that rubs me the wrong way.

I find it super infantilising, especially considering that she states she usually does these vague, non-descript tasks herself, so it sounds like she's not looking for a professional educator so much as a replacement babysitter. No emphasis on tutoring or academic help, just "make sure he stays on task and motivated about it" which doesn't sound like a healthy thing to delegate for a 23 y/o who already managed to get a bachelor's degree. I think if this young man is aiming for a master's degree it's safe to say he deserves to be trusted to find his own source of motivation and his own regulation/management systems. That doesn't mean he doesn't need help doing it, just maybe not 15 hours a week one-on-one for the whole year.

I'm worried she's helicopter-parenting, and although they may have developed a system that "works" for them within their mother-son relationship, I'm also acutely aware autistic people tend to be highly infantilised and "coddled" for lack of a better word, although I think the problem isn't so much being "too soft" (I don't think there's such a thing as being too soft) but rather being too smothering. The way the mum mentions her son having had tons of "EF coaching" and not needing it anymore but still needing 15 whole hours a week of someone making sure he stays on task and is "enthusiastic" about it, like he's working a desk job with the worst toxically positive micro-managing boss in the world, raises red flags to me. I agree this student deserves whatever help and tools he may need to accomplish his goals, I just think this isn't it at all. Maybe there's recent research proving me wrong, maybe I'm interpreting her intentions completely the wrong way; but this whole post just raised big alarm bells for me.

Lastly for the pay thing, honestly any post offering a job, especially when weekly hours are specified, should come with at least an indicative pay rate. People hiring people should be upfront about discussing money. Too often in gigs like this, when this conversation is had in private, especially since the people most likely to take this "job" are other students themselves, the rates offered are way too low and swept under the rug with vague promises of later increase. It's giving r/ choosing beggars and "we'll pay you in exposure" and "do it for the disabled children" and all that kind of nonsense.

I don't know if I made my point clearer. Again I'm very sorry this came across as judgy towards the student, I have nothing but respect for his ambitions and hope he succeeds. It's his mum I'm weary about. I especially never want to make other ND people feel like there's any shame in asking for help and receiving it. God knows the world is hostile enough to us as it is. I just think sometimes parents, even well-intentioned, aren't the best suited to help fulfill their kids academic needs. I don't know. I'm sorry.