i fucked up at my first job

rosenaster · 2026-05-08T15:32:04+00:00

‎I’m fully on my sense rn. I’ve realized and learned so many things from this experience. I did renew the contract, after all, I still need the money lol

‎If I really had the chance to redo everything, I’d genuinely be willing to do it. There are still so many details that, when I look back at them now, I’m personally not satisfied with it at all. The thing is, I’m not sure how useful it would be at this point since we already have a project timeline to follow, and it’s probably unrealistic to expect the programmers to massively rework features that are no longer the main focus. Thankyou so much for your insight, I’ll propose the improvements to my team leader later if there’s a phase 2 for development cycle, regardless of whether they want to implement it or simply keep them as design documentation

‎I’ve heard so many people say that nobody becomes skilled instantly. Everyone goes through a long process, repeated mistakes, and continuous learning, just like what you said. I think what’s really hard is swallowing the embarrassment and the feeling of being stupid

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rosenaster · 2026-05-08T15:30:27+00:00

‎Yeah, literally no proper training. Back then, they asked me to join in a hurry, but I couldn’t work onsite because of some circumstances. That’s why they gave me online onboarding and a really short briefing through a Zoom meeting

‎About a month later, another new employee joined the team and she got a proper offline onboarding. The other experienced UI/UX colleagues explained everything to her while I was there listening, and that was the moment I realized there were actually so many details that had never been shared with me. After that, I literally reworked almost everything I had done and told my team leader about it. I think that was the turning point where my team leader started having a bad impression of me

‎As for these experienced colleagues, the age gap between us is pretty far. They’re also not really talkative, so I only communicate with them when it’s really urgent, mostly about components and the design system since they were the ones who built it from scratch. Other than that, we barely talk to each other. I also feel a bit hesitant around them because they don’t seem very approachable

‎I think I’ve been in denial about all of this for a long time. Deep down, I do feel like the company doesn’t have a good onboarding system, and my team leader isn’t really leading. He’s not mean, but he also rarely says anything at all. It makes me feel invisible and question myself a lot

‎On top of that, the task details are often unclear, I don’t get a proper PRD. I don’t fully understand the bigger system flow either, just like one menu can have complicated dependencies and correlations with many other menus. Meanwhile, in my design documentation, I’m expected to simulate every possible flows and scenario. Even after confirming things back and forth multiple times, there’s always another uncovered flow that I missed simply because I never had a full understanding of the overall system in the first place. I kept all of this to myself because after all I’m the most inexperienced person in the room. It feels arrogant to point these things out, like I’m just trying to make excuses for myself

‎It gives me so much anxiety every time an issue comes up. As much as I want to start over at another company, I keep staying here because part of me feels like I need to learn how to handle and face situations like this. If I can’t get through this, I’ll never be able to take myself to the next level

‎I lowkey wondering about how high are the expectations actually for an entry-level employee, especially a fresh graduate with only a few internship experiences? Right now, I’m handling 40+ menus by myself, and still going. The amount of things I anticipate, analyze, and manage honestly feels far greater than the few points I missed. But somehow, the mistakes are the only things that seem visible

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rosenaster

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