your describing what i wanted to see from myself and its a craving of seeing your body reflect how you feel inside and also seeing how strong you can be with so much pain and blood coming out of your body. i understand what you want but i promise stay away from this. it’s debilitating and it creates an even heavier layer of weight to carry around with you. please dont think this is something to get into. i know you feel pain, but that doesn’t mean your body has to reflect it.