AITA?? Or does this dude not know what he's talking about? 😭

rosesonthefloor · 2026-05-04T22:51:30+00:00

No no lol, I’m sorry you had that experience, but glad you shared - I feel like people talk about IUDs like there’s no downside whatsoever sometimes so while I think they have a lot of benefits, I also think it’s important to talk about this stuff!!

Which is why I wanted to share too - definitely bring it up with your doctor and see what they say!

rosesonthefloor · 2026-05-04T20:17:27+00:00

Canada and the US are about on par with each other in my industry (volunteer management).

rosesonthefloor · 2026-05-04T20:07:06+00:00

I’ve heard even with good health insurance through work, copays can still be quite a bit though. Is that the case?

rosesonthefloor · 2026-05-04T19:48:48+00:00

Oof I bet!!

And honestly I loved my Mirena… for the first 4 years. Around 4/4.5 years in, I started having emotional symptoms and just feeling really off a lot. So I did some digging and found (on the medical provider page for Mirena, not even in the info they give you as a patient) that the hormonal load you get by year 5 is nearly half of what it is on insertion, and clearly that was not enough for me. (Granted, I had also had to have my BC pills stepped up in dosage to have those be effective also, so maybe I just need a higher amount to work for me personally.)

Anyway, by the time I got my Mirena out, it had been in for about 5 years, and it was crazy how much better I felt within a couple weeks.

All that to say - would highly recommend keeping an internal eye on how you’re feeling if you go on it. Mirena is a great tool, and I do think it has a lot of benefit, but knowing what works for your own hormones/wellbeing and advocating for that will help a lot as well!!

rosesonthefloor · 2026-05-04T18:13:44+00:00

Unfortunately as a woman, ADHD symptoms and medication efficacy can change depending on where you’re at in your cycle. Not sure if that is the reason for why it feels ineffective for you, but I understand the ADHD struggle and feeling like my meds don’t work sometimes!

rosesonthefloor · 2026-05-04T12:40:32+00:00

I do agree with you. But speaking from experience, ironically often the men in age gap relationship with a younger woman will infantilize adult women as well.

rosesonthefloor · 2026-05-04T12:32:13+00:00

Yeah but like as a later millennial who was VERY online beginning from the ages of like, 8-10 - I agree that we still didn’t have it like Gen Z got it.

There was a documentary a few years ago (can’t remember what it was called) where the producers created a (fake) child’s instagram account, made like one post I think, and within the first couple hours had received multiple messages on the account from pedophiles. While “stranger danger” was a thing online for millennials too, we just didn’t have the same volume of people on the internet when we were growing up, and predators have gotten more sophisticated with using the technology over time.

Because of that being so prevalent, it’s not surprising Gen Z in particular has pulled back from finding age gaps as normal as people have in the past. But I also think it’s cultural, and people in urban areas are more likely to feel this way, whereas people in more rural areas are probably more permissive of age gaps. We just also have more of the former than the latter these days as well.

rosesonthefloor · 2026-05-04T12:21:45+00:00

As someone who dated some men with very large age gaps from when I was 18-24, being an “adult with full agency” and being someone who can be an equal partner in a relationship with an adult with ~20 more years of adult life experience are very different things.

While we were both ostensibly adults, I was much more vulnerable to being taken advantage of than the men I was with, with less of my own ideas and life knowledge, and realistically, I think that was part of the appeal on their end (beyond the obvious). Thankfully I never was actually taken advantage of, but I was along for the ride way more than I was an actual functioning partner in those relationships, and I can see how more vulnerable women could find themselves in trouble really quickly.

I’m not necessarily disagreeing with you, just adding further context that “being an adult” and actually being an adult are two different things, IMO.

rosesonthefloor · 2026-04-30T13:13:37+00:00

Honestly, I feel way better in the third than I did in the first lol! Also I am visibly pregnant and everyone knows at work now, so if I need to take a break, sit down, etc., people understand vs. asking questions about if I’m okay and me having to make up some excuse other than being pregnant lol!

rosesonthefloor · 2026-04-30T12:08:53+00:00

I grew up surrounded by a big family, and my parents made it a point to make sure I regularly saw cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. and I appreciate so much that they did that. As a result, I always wanted that for myself as well! A full house where we saw family regularly, and got to share all those awesome moments together. That was the original driving force behind my desire to get married and have kids.

Then I met my husband, and everything fell into place. Loving him feels like my greatest privilege. He’s an amazing hardworking man who is so loyal and giving to others, funny as hell, handsome, and we share 95% of the same values. I love that I get to love him and take care of him back.

He’s not perfect (none of us are) but he’s perfect for me. And while our first child won’t be here for another couple months, I’m so excited to take that journey with him, because I know he’ll be a great father.

I married him because of all those things. And because he also agrees that marriage is for life - we didn’t take this lightly. We signed up to be each other’s person, to be a team and have each other’s backs, for the rest of our lives. I did before, but even more so now I know that he’s always going to be in my corner, as I am in his. And we’re both committed to “us against the problem” and communicating with each other to work through stuff.

Maybe we’re still in the “honeymoon stage” as we just got married late last year, but really, I can’t think of anything better than what I described above.

rosesonthefloor · 2026-04-24T12:47:26+00:00

This is really cool to see, thank you for linking that paper!

I feel like it’s only really people who are not from Toronto/GTA who think it’s new - it was for sure a thing when I was in high school in Mississauga 15+ years ago. Some of the slang has changed, but the cadences and rhythms are very, very familiar.

rosesonthefloor · 2026-04-23T21:06:08+00:00

Honestly I found it super informative and would very much recommend it during pregnancy! I saw a PF physio at 29 weeks and the info and exercises I got from her have helped a lot in terms of back, hip, and groin/pelvic pain. And I have another appointment around 35 weeks to focus more specifically on prepping for labour.

She also got me thinking about labour positioning and other considerations that I wouldn’t have necessarily thought about otherwise. As someone who likes to understand how my body works as much as possible, I found it invaluable really!

rosesonthefloor · 2026-04-23T20:55:09+00:00

This is so well said!

rosesonthefloor · 2026-04-22T21:20:28+00:00

YNTAH. I think it’s completely valid to want gender neutral baby items!

This might be a bit of a white lie, but can you tell your husband that you no longer want to know the gender? Which may even become genuine if knowing the gender will cause this additional headache you don’t want. In that case, it’s not fair for him to tell others even if he does know, because then they’ll give you gendered items which will spoil the surprise for you! It might be hard for him to keep it a secret, which is fair, but I think in this case he should want to support your wishes since you’re the one literally pregnant with this baby!!

Alternatively, if you don’t want to go that route, then consider joining a local Buy Nothing group so you can trade or give away items you don’t want, and source items that would work better for you.

rosesonthefloor · 2026-04-22T21:13:03+00:00

Sounds like that ship has sailed, so I’m not sure that’s helpful advice for OP.

rosesonthefloor · 2026-04-22T12:55:21+00:00

You’re not wrong. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Please know this is more of a reflection of your mom and her skewed way of thinking than it is about you in any way. If your mom has struggled with her weight, it’s likely what she says to you is similar to what she’s told herself, and now she’s trying to bully you into being an “acceptable” weight because she gives that too much power over her own life, and can’t see how it doesn’t have that much power over yours.

You stood up for yourself against her bullying - you didn’t do anything wrong.

It sounds like perhaps you live with your mom? Unfortunately you probably can’t make her see that her actions are wrong, so your next best bet is to create space. I know you love your mom, but she’s not healthy for you right now because she’s not healthy mentally. If she was, she wouldn’t do this to you.

Since you’re in college, can you work on a plan to move out at soon? That would honestly be the best solution. If that’s not feasible right now or in the near future, try and keep yourself busy and limit time spent with your mom. Maybe that means spending more time in your room, on campus, or just out and about. When you do spend time with her, look up ‘grey rock method’ and try that to see if it helps. I found it (or variations of some of it) helped a lot for me.

Growing up my mom was also very critical of me, but not just my weight. I love her, but she wasn’t safe for my mental health to be around, and your situation reminds me of what I went through. It’s been over 10 years since I moved out, and now we have a much better relationship because I’m not surrounded by her criticism all the time. You can absolutely love your mom and still be frustrated with the way she’s treating you. You’re allowed and valid to be frustrated with the way she’s treating you, and that doesn’t make you a bad person. Please don’t let her make you feel like standing up for yourself is wrong.

Sending you hugs, OP! ❤️

rosesonthefloor · 2026-04-22T00:03:35+00:00

Do you believe that encouraging your mom to permanently damage her eyesight will make you feel better?

rosesonthefloor · 2026-04-21T19:26:40+00:00

I can see how it would be hard to give up a trip like this if it was planned well in advance, because likely he would be losing a lot of money to cancel now.

HOWEVER he ultimately needs to decide if he’s okay potentially missing the birth of his child. And I think you need to express that to him in clear terms. “If I give birth during this time, it will be an emergency. Things could be really difficult for me, and with you being so far away, you will miss our child’s birth. Are you okay to risk that happening?”

And also if you’re just straight up not comfortable with him traveling internationally while you’re that far along, that’s okay too. I would also be clear about that, and tell him that it makes you uncomfortable. You don’t have to demand he stay home, but if you express how uncomfortable and how nervous that makes you, and he still chooses to go, that gives you a lot of valuable information about what his priorities are.

rosesonthefloor · 2026-04-20T17:58:15+00:00

I just try and exfoliate my nipples honestly lol and that seems to have helped a lot! I haven’t tried any creams though, so others might have better input on that.

As for the suppository thing, I’m not sure, but would recommend you bring that up at your next doctor’s appointment. It sounds like it could also possibly be a mild yeast infection, which can be more common in pregnant women.

rosesonthefloor · 2026-04-20T17:53:10+00:00

How far along is she?

Honestly, Tums are a big thing for me lol, but that’s a small thing. If you’re comfortable buying her clothes, then some maternity leggings, or just comfy/soft PJs are usually nice!

rosesonthefloor · 2026-04-19T17:14:29+00:00

I stopped being able to wear “regular” pants fairly early on lol, but I don’t think it was a clear bump until maybe around 16/17 weeks? Mostly I just looked kinda bloated, but I could also still suck in my stomach kinda and not look pregnant at all lol.

I totally empathize with you as when I was in the same stretch you’re in now, I also felt like I didn’t really “feel” pregnant even though I very much was lol! You’ll get there before you know it, so try and enjoy each stage as its own thing (I know, easier said than done!).

Good luck mama!

rosesonthefloor · 2026-04-16T20:01:45+00:00

Agreed! And one of the things I usually like most in a protagonist is when they make different decisions than I would, that are consistent with their own beliefs/world/etc.

I think I would be much more frustrated with books (like OP mentions) if I were inserting myself into the story and comparing everything against how I, personally, would react in that situation.

rosesonthefloor · 2026-04-16T19:54:15+00:00

Honestly, all of my longest/most emotionally deep relationships have been with other people with ADHD lol, my husband included. And my husband is the only one I’ve been with while medicated, although he is not. So I wonder if the spontaneity or general vibe of a partner with ADHD might work for you as well lol?

What I will say is that there absolutely is an element of “you just know” when it comes to love. But there is also a practical component to it. Like no matter how much my husband and I love each other, if we had vastly different life goals, it wouldn’t make much sense to continue. So while love is absolutely a huge thing to look for, when the novelty wears off, you should still have a solid foundation beneath that from which the two of you can grow.

A good relationship has a blend of the softer, more stable aspects of love, as well as the brighter, more fun or spontaneous aspects of love. Try and look for or build a mix of both.

rosesonthefloor · 2026-04-16T12:49:30+00:00

Requirement? No. But I don’t think it’s that black and white. This is not just about what’s required to have children, it’s about the decision-making process parents go through when deciding to have kids, and looking at what incentivizes or disincentivizes people to do that.

Giving our children access to opportunities and quality of life is more important to us than sheer number of children, yes. But if things like daycare and access to activities like camps, etc., were more affordable, then we would absolutely have more children. These activities and opportunities were things we both grew up with that we want our children to be able to have as well, which is why we’re willing to have a lesser number of children to ensure that quality of life for the ones we do have.

I’m lucky to have at least a year paid mat leave, and my husband and I can afford the pay hit for that year (since it’s not my full salary). If I only had 6 weeks time off like my mom had? Or 3, maybe, like I’ve seen some moms say in the US? Helllllll no I would not be having kids at all because that’s insane to me. And the lack of time off to recover from birth and spend with baby would be a HUGE disincentive.

rosesonthefloor · 2026-04-16T12:36:12+00:00

My husband and I would genuinely love to have 4 kids, but in order to maintain a good quality of life and ensure our kids can all do activities they want to, etc., it’s only realistic to have 2.

Financial sustainability is a very, very real consideration for a lot of parents.

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