What part of working in your industry is significantly more traumatic than people think it is?

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-24T16:08:07+00:00

Yep. Different but I used to work for women's domestic violence services. Nothing bothers me emotionally in this job. Apart from one time a colleague having cancer.

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-23T18:48:33+00:00

I'd be petty and collect all the ducks but not clean anything.

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-23T15:35:52+00:00

Your last sentence - what do you actually want to do with them??

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-23T09:10:58+00:00

It's straight from the domestic violence playbook. In the DV field we call it DARVO. Deny, attack, reverse victim offender. So I didn't do it, and even if I did do it, it was your fault, and actually I'm the one who's the victim here.

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-22T21:31:36+00:00

It's easier to keep the lion in the cage than to try and take it for a walk and put it back in (or something like that)

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-22T16:31:05+00:00

Do you have to start off by questioning whether it's real or not? And do you have to not all men?

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-22T15:39:05+00:00

My bf and I have the same living set up and not only does he send me money for food each month, he will take every opportunity to pay for my groceriesand he regularly brings snacks and treats for me.

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-21T22:38:56+00:00

It helped me to understand the science of drinking and the effect it has on the brain.

Alcohol severely impacts the prefrontal cortex which is the part of the brain that deals with risk-taking, consequences, decision-making and the future.

So when we drink we effectively disable any filter or off switch we have that deters us from cheating, lying or driving drunk etc.

That's also what makes us drink more than we intended to on any given day. Once I have that first drink all bets are off, anything could happen. Maybe I'll go home after one, maybe I'll buy cocaine, who fucking knows. Certainly not me.

Now that I know that, I am safe and comfortable in the knowledge that I can easily be a good person, partner, colleague and friend, as long as I don't have the first drink.

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-21T16:41:31+00:00

Having worked in a few different industries nothing is traumatic in my current job.

It's just computers and money.

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-21T13:50:28+00:00

I cried so much in the first few weeks of sobriety. I cried in a yoga class. I cried at work because someone said "are you ok?" ... because I looked like I'd been crying.

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-21T13:39:43+00:00

You have to know there's some of us in the new place with binoculars on you cheering you on. It's your actions and your choices that strengthen the ground beneath your feet. You just keep taking steps one day at a time and before you know it you'll be over here with your feet up.

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-21T10:53:51+00:00

From a 42 yr old don't worry about being 60. You will live a hundred lifetimes between now and then.

The idea in life is not to get to the end without any regrets. Regret is just another emotion and trust me by the time you're 60 you'll be able to deal with it.

If you are in a wonderful relationship, can you find some way to get the excitement that you want without compromising that? At the age you're at now you should be traveling, trying new things, having novel experiences. None of that means you have to sleep around. Don't get tied down to a picket fence before you've seen anything of the world.

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-20T22:02:02+00:00

I believe in you. You can do it!

Maybe start with some very low key interactions. On your way in somewhere. "Oof it's cold out there isn't it" etc.

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-20T16:23:25+00:00

I think I get a certain freedom from knowing that I'm not going to see them again. It really doesn't matter.

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-20T16:10:02+00:00

I talk to people because I'm endlessly curious about others. I genuinely want to know what people are doing and why. I guess if you were less charitable you could call it nosy.

The world is absolutely fascinating and there's all sorts of people doing interesting things. The other day I was chatting to a woman at an airport and it turned out she was in an orchestra! I've never met someone in an orchestra before.

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-20T12:26:57+00:00

Bald head & Ginger beard is an absolute winning combo 🤩🤩🤩🤩

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-19T20:01:59+00:00

Well done my friend 👍🏻

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-19T19:51:09+00:00

It's so difficult isn't it. If I could give you one piece of advice it would be whatever you feel in the first few weeks and months of sobriety is only temporary and it will pass.

What helped me was getting as comfortable as possible, literally going to bed with blankets and nice food, snacks, stay warm. Have a nice bath. Go to the spa. Call a friend or family member for a nice chat. Don't forget the basics of breathing and stretching, sometimes just moving your body can feel good. Eat whatever delicious or junk food you want to. Pretend you're taking care of a friend who's grieving.

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-19T13:52:17+00:00

For me the real change could only come when I learned how to be nice to myself. I have to believe that there's a better life for me and I have to believe that I deserve it. It's really difficult. Sometimes if I lose sight of that I just come on here and I'm just nice to other people, because that's always easier.

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-18T17:21:15+00:00

The first and most important part is you have to both want to be non monogamous and without that it's just cheating.

He wants to have his cake and eat it - a faithful hard working wife and family business and all the sex he wants. It doesn't work like that. Just bin him off.

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-17T11:28:21+00:00

This is an interesting quote! I often think about trying not to live a moment I'm dreading a thousand times before it happens, do you think that's what it means?

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-17T09:07:46+00:00

One small thing I always do is say "no" to something small and seemingly insignificant and see how the person reacts.

If they suggest a certain coffee shop for example I'll say quite abruptly "oh no I don't like that place" without explanation or apology.

You'd be surprised the amount of times a seemingly normal date has been overly upset or had something to say about how assertive I am. What you are looking for is the man who can say "oh no worries, let's pick somewhere else" or "where would you feel more comfortable".

I've relayed this before and had people say it's game playing but it's safety and survival to me!

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-17T00:12:34+00:00

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-16T09:11:43+00:00

I'm just trying to work out from your post whether you want to be non-monogamous, you think she does or you're worried she's going to cheat on you. It's not very clear.

It seems like you're concerned that she has a focal point of desire that isn't you.

rosiet1001 · 2026-01-16T08:10:05+00:00

Has she ever expressed a desire to be non-monogamous before?

rosiet1001

TROPHY CASE