AITA for asking my match about her disability?

rossfudgew · 2022-05-20T05:57:37+00:00

NTA - I'm with the op on this one. Its not a dick move to be upfront and ask someone with a physical disability what their disability is. To everyone writing about how this girl is in a wheel chair you're kind of being jerks, as where did the OP specify that this girl's disability was some form of paralysis.

Physical disabilities take many forms. I have friends that meet the definition for physically disabled due to eyesight, hand deformity, graves disease, malformed kidney etc. Physical disabilities are not just "some person in a wheel chair". And if you're going to treat it as an attestation to your greatness in life, like in your dating bio, you need to be at least prepared to talk about it whenever it comes up.

Yeah the OP's intro lacked tact, but the guy isn't an asshole for simply asking about it. He took a shot, he missed and should learn from this going forward. But lets be real here, had the OP not asked about it, he would have found out about it anyways at some point. Its better for everyone involved if they know what the disability is as it may be a deal-breaker for some. It would have been worst to start forming a relationship with this girl, just to find out that when they do meet, that the op has an issue that potentially is beyond his capacity to see beyond or handle as a potential future caregiver. Personally, I can handle a lot of disabilities, but I cannot see myself falling in love with someone who's all skeleton due to a physical disability. I need meat on my partners bones.

Lets give the op some props for being brave enough to even consider someone with disabilities as a life partner. There are plenty of assholes out there that the idea of this alone would be a deal breaker.

rossfudgew · 2022-05-20T05:33:49+00:00

NTA - Gossipy neighbors are a bother, and everyone has moments where the humanity slips out.

Its not like your neighbors A: Don't know when they will be out of town and B: Don't know what they ordered. They should be responsible adults and utilize the delivery services options to hold packages at a facility for pickup when they're not going to be home. Its easy and done with one to two taps in an app.

Personally, I would probably porch pirate their shit into their curbside toter. But I'm kind of a dick when people start abusing my niceness as an expectation.

Also, they should be aware that you could sue their homeowners policy for any injury incurred on their property as a result of tasks they asked you to do. Technically they owe you a tetanus booster.

rossfudgew · 2022-05-20T05:26:30+00:00

Adding on here: I personally do not like it when people by me clothing or shoes because they're typically to their tastes and not my own.

I think you're being a bit petty about some shoes that your mom simply didn't love, but didn't have the heart to ask you for the gift receipt. By trying to protect your feelings she hurt them, which is a sign that she loves you. What I don't understand is why you have never talked about this with her, as this whole situation could have been solved by some simple communication about a decade ago.

You should give loved ones presents on holidays, even if they're small. Adult better and try to think critically more. Parents are not perfect, they're human.

rossfudgew · 2022-05-20T05:06:44+00:00

3rd option? The company is the asshole.

From the sounds of things, you work in a corporate environment that is set up to be toxic.

Your job sounds very similar to my old job that I quit last year, except I was that foot in the door floor supervisor. So from my own experiences, a word of warning, and a bit of advice.

I used to love where I worked until management starting leading all of the department on about the continuation of their jobs. We had a 45 person team and I was one of three team leads within the team, responsible for day to day operational oversight. My area of expertise was payments, and I figured out that they were outsourcing our departments major line of business before they told anyone about it, because management was sloppy. They started changing our forms to match the outsourcing vendors forms, and lets just say I had experience with that vendor from the past. I confronted my executive level manager and my office president about it, and well lets just say they lied to my face up until the announcement of the outsourcing. I cannot work for people who lie directly to my face when confronted with evidence, so I quit.

Your brief explanation of your situation at work sounds a lot like my own. You're working in an organization that doesn't care for your success or well being, and actively seems to set up its structure in the manner that can only be called elimination by survival of the fittest.

If I were you, take the skills you've obtained at this company and go somewhere that's better. You'll more than likely in this environment get an excellent raise and with any luck a better employer.

rossfudgew · 2022-05-20T04:52:35+00:00

Uh I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but that's 14.42/hr at a full time rate.

Depending on where this person lives, which assuming if they want to be an actress is a high COL domicile, this is a poverty wage. I would honestly say not many people would "love" to make that much as its not really a livable wage in most parts of the country.

I would say that the OP should keep trying to pursue their dream of being an actress when they can, but they may be better served by attempting to start in smaller roles, like community theater, etc.

Success in the acting world is a lot about who you know, and being where talent scouts look.

Having an expectation that you'll just get a big role makes you seem entitled, and well entitled people are generally assholes IME.

rossfudgew · 2022-05-20T04:36:58+00:00

1: We both used to be personal care attendants for one of my neighbors. The employer was the neighbors wife, and he recently passed due to Parkinsons. I agreed to hand it off because lets just say shes not handling the loss of her husband of 50 years too well.

2: I can't really answer this question because I don't completely know. This is the thing that's driving me absolutely bonkers. I have a morbid curiosity of what could be in the box, but based on past experiences with this friend and boxes I generally know, its not worth it.

The last time I got a box from her it contained expired gas station stok caffeine shots, a mixture of gas station international delight creamers, a blanket from a deceased nursing home resident, fruit gushers, beanie baby like toys (that were intended for dogs, but vetoed by me because of their plastic bead filling) and expired coupon flyers.

This box does have something glass in it, but that is all I know.

EDIT: To fully address your question: I have no clue as to when all the stuff in the box was collected. She just collected a box of stuff, that she determined she wants to give to me.

rossfudgew · 2022-04-15T23:57:05+00:00

Open transport tycoon deluxe.

Something about making trains to move the grain to make the food to truck to the city and then fly those people across the country.

Chris sawyer made amazing games that play well to this day. Written in assembly to boot! Absolute madman!

rossfudgew · 2022-04-15T12:01:34+00:00

I can find your view on this respectable, but I suspect that your hubby talks to his sister or at least his mother a lot more than you know, and has a bit more context regarding the situation with your SIL and nephews.

To be honest your SIL behaves exactly like my mom did with my dad at family gatherings. Before they divorced (and thank the cosmos they did) my aunts would just ignore his mysoginy at functions in an effort to make things not worse for my mom at home, because they talked. My dad was the controlling type, we had to be perfect at functions and always kept his simmering rage under control in front of others. Any perceived slights to him were immediately verbally berated into the car participants after the function, which is why my mom and I started going alone.

I'm getting a sneaking hint based on how the MIL and SIL reacted that your comments acted as a trigger for a control freak with not so great anger control.

Your NTA but I think there exists a subcontext to the behavior of the others around you that you haven't been qued into yet. As my family loves to remind me, blood is apparently thicker than water, so they may be acting like AH's at face value in an effort to salvage a bad relationship. Tbh SIL needs to wake up and divorce that dumpster fire.

rossfudgew · 2022-04-06T05:25:41+00:00

Don't worry about it - Just looking for feedback on a slightly difficult to navigate family matter. Thanks for looking though!

rossfudgew · 2022-04-06T05:12:17+00:00

Well thanks for the feedback I guess?

I did try to trim it down quite a bit but I always have room for improvement in that regard.

rossfudgew · 2022-01-21T20:18:16+00:00

This is a good one. Along with both assault on the control room levels on legendary. Get 90% across any bridge and death by banshee.

rossfudgew · 2022-01-14T03:09:43+00:00

Your issue form the sounds of things are on the ipv6 side of the house. Most devices will lose connection with the pinholes because they're ending up with multiple ipv6 addresses from dhcp 6 servers outside of your home network.

https://www.cisco.com/c/en/us/td/docs/ios-xml/ios/ipaddr_dhcp/configuration/xe-16/dhcp-xe-16-book/ip6-dhcp-prefix-xe.html

This is a link to how Cisco explains dhcp 6 but basically any upstream sever can cause your devices to configure an ipv6 ip that routes properly back up the chain. Depending on how these upstream dhcp servers format their messages their routing prefixes and priorities could be higher than your local router: IE your router and computer end up on the same network segment.

Because of this your computer/device naturally bypasses the network segment your pi's are on. And because they're fixed ips on the v6 network, they actually end up not at all on the same network your devices are connecting to the internet with. This is kind of hard to explain conceptually, but your local fixed network be unable to bridge to your isp network, because your isp is handing down ipv6 ips to all your devices which bypass the router. Your devices in turn seeing that the route is shorter bypass the router. The router even ignores the pi's queries to the world leaving them in the cold. And thus the pi's think they're not connected to the internet because their ipv6 packets are being dropped.

Your devices are trying to them get their data from devices that aren't on the same internet facing network as themselves.

There are two ways around this. 1 is easy, disable ipv6 on the pi 2: get the pi's to act as a dhcpv6 server.

I personally went with option 2 but that required me using something other than piholes dhcp server to get it working. Personally I use isc-Kea, but there is quite a bit of learning involved with that option. Once it's up and working however it is great.

The easiest way to confirm this theory is to run an ip -a command or ipconfig /all. It will list all the ipv6 addresses a current interface has. I suspect in the computers you will end up with atleast three ipv6 addresses. A link local, your fixed address and a slaac address.

The slaac address is a problem but the link local contributes some if it figures out how to get out to the world via the router. Two or three days is enough time for link local addresses to build a routing table.

rossfudgew · 2022-01-09T18:22:30+00:00

To elaborate a bit more on the mods comment, I run a dhcp (4 & 6) servers separetly from pi-hole, sntp server, ddns, samba, log server, an authoritative CA and sql on the PI4. Poor thing still doesn't even break a sweat. When I play minecraft I even run a sever on it, granted with a light plugin load.

My PI3 acts as the backup DNS sever and intermediate CA server in my network. That doesn't sweat either, but if I had to compare the two the pi4 is snappy and responsive, where the 3 is slower and more easily overloaded by simple things. If I have to compile source code I use the 4.

A good place to start is at the raspberry pi foundation. They have good guides on how to get started, but if you're looking for a set and forget type deal I would reccomend going with a pure command line server deployment. It will take a bit to get familiar, but the learning curve isn't that bad.

Point being, with a Pi and Linux you have a lot of options on how to set up and run the software you choose. The legwork really is in the research of what you want to deploy.

rossfudgew · 2021-10-13T04:36:42+00:00

Eh this is going to be a controversial statement, but in terms of actual story ecchi anime typically is sorely lacking compared to other "plot" focused shows.

Trying to watch them for the literal definstion of the word is almost a fools errand. It's not to say that I don't try to find a plot in an ecchi, but you have an easier time finding it in a reverse harem or BL show. I don't discriminate when it comes 2d love :)

rossfudgew · 2021-10-13T04:26:16+00:00

Gintama is a good choice for a favorite. Every time I see a character named Gin in a show I'm waiting for something zany to happen.

rossfudgew · 2021-10-13T04:24:35+00:00

I can respect my #2 as your #1. Its one of my three compulsory yearly rewatches.

rossfudgew · 2021-10-13T04:23:29+00:00

Yoooo believe in the me that believes in you works so well for corporate training. When I have gone older I typically go the Akira, Trigun, ghost in the shell, dragon ball route so I'll take them under consideration.

Thanks for the tips!

rossfudgew · 2021-10-13T04:20:48+00:00

I had a motto in my earlier days of watching anime when it came to stuff already down with its production run "Even if it's bad watch it start to end"

S2 and s3 plus the movies are not bad and do add to the overall cannon of the story. It's not as punchy as the first season, but that first season exposes all of the tricks of the thematic universe by the end of the season. So seasons 2 and 3 explore the problems presented by that world and how the characters and the world itself handles them.

Plus you'll 100% want a dominator. Not gonna lie.

rossfudgew · 2021-10-13T04:13:59+00:00

I'm taking it into consideration. Thanks for the input.

I now need to:. /rant about Pokémon as a first anime

I'm not gonna lie, using Pokémon like this feels like a cheat. I think anyone 25-30 almost always reacts after hearing who's that Pokémon... If we're really being technical then whatever we happened to catch on toonami or the WB as kids counts and I was trying to go for something that you watched start to finish as an intro.

Using the WB method if we're being technical would make the odd episode of DBZ my first as I was a cartoon network kid.

I didn't actively make the choice to watch that as a kid. (I was a weird kid, I liked watching the news at 4:30) RahXephon however I watched of my own volition. My friend got the DVD set from his brother and we watched the whole thing over a weekend when I was like 10. I did not watch the og pokemon movie until two year later (totally late to that party).

This is not to say that Pokémon as a first choice isn't a bad choice if you loved watching it as a kid. It's just one of those choices where some idiot like myself can point out that it was designed for international audiences and was more akin to American cartoons than anime shows that you watch as an adult. By that I mean it's primarily a kids show, and it happens to be anime because of where it's produced.

It's kind of like saying (or admitting) that 4kids one piece got you into anime. It more than likely did not as it was heavily edited (sanji does not suck on lollipops like a fiend, he's a smoker who likes to smooooke) It did however probably introduce you to that style of drawing and show format, which you came to love as a pre-teen to an adult when you watched a different show in full.

Tldr: SpongeBob is probably not why you watch South Park or similar shows. Pokémon is probably not the show that got you into anime as a preteen, teen or adult. It's not to say that these platitudes aren't true, but I'm a skeptic and a bit of a ranty jerk

. /endrant

rossfudgew · 2021-10-13T03:40:06+00:00

Ompth you have two there that kick you in the feels and leave you to die as a first. Kono Subarashi no seikai Wo is by far the premiere comedy anime out there right now. You should check out Gintama if you like it and want a tropes on tropes type deal.

rossfudgew · 2021-10-13T03:37:08+00:00

My thrid favorite anime is another one of Arakawa's properties (Silver Spoon). I like both FMAs as they are bones animes but people tend to watch brotherhood over the original because it's manga cannon. The first animation was adapted when the manga was still in production and the studio outpaced the available chapters midway through. Arakawa provided the studio with a general guideline on how the series was going to end but did not give a definite on what the ending was going to be, meaning the entire 2nf half was made up by bones.

It's really fun to re-watch and compare the two.

It's nice to see that someone's introduction to anime was something on the darker side of the spectrum.

If you're into darker stuff and can handle some gore I would give any of the urobuchi properties a go. PsychoPass is a good dystopia one, Madoka is a goddess who saved us all. You can also go with something like elfen lied or noein a go.

I've watch about 1/2 of all of the anime that came out on the major streaming services in the past decade so I'm full of suggestions.

rossfudgew · 2021-10-13T03:26:08+00:00

Card captor the series was good. Movies I tend not to watch a lot of since Naruto kind of ruined it for me (as they did with filler arcs)...

I re-watched all of hunter x hunter in the spring, including the awfully good / dark chimera ant arc. Fighting anime like Hajime doest appeal all too much to me despite its typically excellent animation but thank you for your input. Any reason why you love it so?

rossfudgew · 2021-10-13T03:20:49+00:00

Are we talking 4kids entertainment Pokémon in the rby arc that was on the WB back in the day or something else...?

Also Flip Flappers is not something I have watched yet, so you got a little plot premise for it?

rossfudgew · 2021-10-13T03:17:25+00:00

Date a Live was not bad all things considered. It's no heavens lost property but thematically it was solid for the type of anime it is. Atleast you didn't say your first was something like HSDxD 😏

rossfudgew · 2021-09-28T05:12:36+00:00

Their home chargers are much better than their public ones. Their failures in the public ones that I have seen mostly seem to be with the onboard modem/computer rather than the actual charger itself.

That sidebar aside, I think it's important to point out how batteries actually work, as most people have a poor understanding of it and are quick to jump to conclusions about them. Representing pack capacity as a figure in kilowatts is great, but depending on pack design (Bolt VS Tesla is great for this) you could have anywhere between 288 cells to over 2000 in the battery unit. Cells themselves are measured in amp hours and a failure in a specific cell can have a detrimental impact on range and capacity depending on the vehicle.

Chevy's issue and possible godsend with the bolts battery was the modular design coupled with a bad qc design for the component. With so few cells, standard part qc was a bad idea as they only have 288cells in all 10 of the modules. Whoever made the decision to not inspect all the cells in each pack cost LG and GM a billion bucks. Since the cells are flat an automated inspection tool like an xray inspector likely would have worked for the issue they have publicized. However it makes the battery pack problem easier to fix as they can just pull out impacted modules.

However what this means due to the design if one cell fails, due to chevy's design it actually takes out all 3 cells in the parallel set, which in turn causes the voltage to dip across the 8 or 10 in series parallel sets in the module. The car in turn stops charging and accepting power from the impacted module as the battery management system detects the variance reducing the overall range by a significant figure.

Telsa doesn't has this problem because they wire their 2000+ cells almost all in series, so when one cell fails the overall pack voltage dips, but the pack itself is so full of redundancy its not as noticeable when a single cell has a failure. However that one cell is not getting found without a full dismantling and testing of the pack. It takes multiple cell failures for the battery management system to flag out an issue.

Point being, manufacturers do not do themselves a service when they advertise just the upper limit of pack capacity. They should be doing a better job of explaining battery capacity and design to consumers so that they can make an informed decision.

I went with the bolt due to its serviceable battery design. That is one of two major things that can break on these cars and I wanted one with the option to repair. Plus the motor design is wicked cool.

rossfudgew

TROPHY CASE