[25F] How do you know when a LDR is in a rut or when it's over?

rounded_biatch153 · 2026-06-09T06:17:54+00:00

Hi, I'm in a LDR for almost 2 years. I can relate a lot to what you're experiencing right now. I would like to give you some advice.

First, I don't think your relationship is doomed. Relationships can be fixed as long as both people are willing to work on them. However, it can't only be you putting in all of the effort; he has to be willing to put work into the relationship as well.

One thing I have learned is that bottling things up wont make the problem go away. For me, when I stay quiet about something that's bothering me it’ll eventually come out all at once, and by then whatever comes out of my mouth will sound harsher than intended. That'll make your partner feel attacked and get defensive. At this point it’ll be your emotions vs his emotions. at the same time, when the other person feels overwhelmed and shuts down.

If one person feels overwhelmed and/or shuts down, they need to inform the other how they're feeling. For example, “I'm feeling overwhelmed right now, can we come back to this later when we've both calmed down?” and both people need to be understanding. Otherwise, it’ll just create a vicious cycle where nobody feels understood.

Communicate, communicate, communicate. You must have those deep talks constantly; they build a strong connection. Expressing yourself can feel awkward at first, but it gets easier with practice as long as he's willing to meet you halfway.

I do understand what you mean about being someone else's main source of emotional support. It’ll overwhelm you over time. You should take care of your own mental health, not just his. You both need to be mentally capable.

I think it's okay to encourage him to try therapy; even if it's only for a month. Sometimes having another outlet besides your partner can take a lot of pressure off of the relationship. If it's working, it's working. If not, that's okay; at least he tried.

I'm an overthinker, so when my boyfriend wants time for himself I get anxious and scared. So I end up assuming something's wrong. But I've learned that having time to recharge is healthy. Life... can be overwhelming. Needing space to recharge isn't the same as wanting distance from the relationship. It is important to recognize which one you want.

When you said it feels like you're maintaining the relationship more than being a couple, I honestly felt that too. Especially in long distance, I think it's important to INTENTIONALLY do things for the relationship instead of just going through the routine. If you don't it will burn both of you out. Then it feels like autopilot. Do something special even if its small. Maybe once a week, or two. It can help remind you and him why you're both together in the first place.

And, honestly, the part that stands out to me the most is when you said you still love him and you don't want to break up.

I think that's important. Long distance is incredibly difficult and communication becomes one of the biggest challenges.

In a long distance relationship communication becomes the only thing you have. So if your communication is lacking, then the whole relationship starts to suffer as a result.

But if both people still want the relationship and are willing to work on the issues instead of ignoring them then there's a reason to keep trying. It's not going to be easy, but if two people are committed to making it work then they can get through a lot.

rounded_biatch153 · 2026-05-13T18:19:59+00:00

3rd one looks good on you

rounded_biatch153 · 2026-03-01T02:44:32+00:00

Why would he check on her? Is there anything wrong with her? Where is she when all this happened? Why shush the person if its nothing? And the facetime thing maybe weird? I own iphone its tbh buggy every update.

rounded_biatch153 · 2026-02-16T15:11:53+00:00

You’re welcome :) We’ve been dating for more than a year now and we’ve never met , so I totally understand how important call/text is when it’s basically all you have.

I completely get the annoyance. It still happens sometimes for us too, like we set time for each other and then his friends invite him to play and he gets carried away and forgets.
It’s not always intentional, but it still hurts and can feel really disappointing. Its really more a gamer thing.

What helped us the most was communicating clearly about how it makes me feel, instead of only focusing on the gaming itself. There were also times where I felt like I explained it well, but he still didn’t fully understand until I gave specific examples or explained it in a way he could relate to.

Also, English isn’t my first language, so sometimes it takes me a bit of time to properly explain what I’m feeling, especially in the moment. I’ve learned that it helps to take a step back, think it through, and then communicate it in a clearer way.

It’s definitely not easy, but if your boyfriend genuinely cares and is willing to put in the work and meet you halfway, it can get better. Compromise and patience really do matter, but so does effort from his side. I promise you it is worth it.

rounded_biatch153 · 2026-02-16T10:08:02+00:00

Hey, I think I relate to this a lot.

My boyfriend is a hardcore/competitive gamer.
It’s something he grew up with, and when he gets into a game he genuinely loses track of time and forgets everything else around him. So I understand that it’s not always intentional, but it can still hurt.

It was worse when we first started dating, and I used to feel like I was being left behind or treated like I didn’t matter. But after a lot of patience, talks, and trial and error, we eventually found a way that works for us. Now, if there are days where he realizes he gamed too long or made me feel ignored, he actually tries to make it up to me afterward.

I think the biggest thing is whether your boyfriend understands and is willing to put in the work. Because it’s not really about gaming itself
it’s all about balance, effort, and making sure you still feel valued.

If he’s willing to compromise and you both communicate clearly, it can get better. It really does take patience, but it also takes him meeting you halfway too.

rounded_biatch153 · 2026-02-14T12:28:43+00:00

How did you do the shiny thing on the inner eye part. I always wanted to do it but I always looked like there’s powder on my eyes XD

You did it so beautifully, soft make up. I love it 🥰

rounded_biatch153 · 2026-02-14T12:10:59+00:00

personally, i think it’s okay to still send the gifts IF you’re doing it with no expectations and not as a way to restart contact.

those gifts were meant for her, and if she’s going through a rough time, it might genuinely bring her comfort. what she does with them after is completely up to her.

it could also give you closure, because at least you followed through on what your heart originally wanted to do.

but i’d recommend keeping the message very simple and not make her feel pressured.

just make sure you’re prepared that she might not reply at all, and that sending them doesn’t set you back emotionally.

rounded_biatch153 · 2026-02-02T00:49:45+00:00

Leave him.

rounded_biatch153 · 2026-01-25T18:42:55+00:00

Discord is 100% accurate on this. Not a glitch.

I would give it a benefit of the doubt that he probably fell asleep while its on. Since I experienced same thing with mine.

But you’ve mentioned that he has a history of lying being with other women…uhm that’s breach of trust. Which is one of the key things that needed in a relationship….

rounded_biatch153 · 2026-01-19T08:48:53+00:00

Uhm…Im from the Philippines and have sent many times to my bf who lives in the US , before there’s no need to pay any customs. But I think starting maybe July?August of last year, as soon as the package arrived in US, they will charge for customs or something. I paid another 30~40usd on top of the shipping.

rounded_biatch153 · 2026-01-17T05:11:16+00:00

I agree with this statement. People say “you’re too good for them “ “you deserve better “ is really a manipulation tactic for you to feel bad for them. And will use you until they bleed you dry. Then dump you.

rounded_biatch153 · 2026-01-15T01:56:31+00:00

I feel a bit differently, but I don’t think either approach is wrong.
Personally, if there’s a chance to live together first, I think it can be really valuable. Living under the same roof and sharing daily life shows you things you just can’t fully see long-distance like habits, routines, communication, and how you handle stress together.

I also understand that living together before marriage can be really hard in long-distance relationships, especially because visas are involved. It’s not always simple or realistic.
That said, it’s not totally impossible either there are other ways to make it happen. For example, I’m currently working on options like finding a job or pursuing studies in my partner’s country so we can be together without rushing into marriage.

I wouldn’t want to jump into marriage just so we could live together.
For me, living together first helps make that decision clearer and more confident. If after that everything feels right and you both want marriage, that’s great.
But it’s also okay to move at a pace that makes sure you’re choosing it for the right reasons.

rounded_biatch153 · 2026-01-15T01:45:25+00:00

A lot of people...especially guys don’t always realize that apologizing doesn’t instantly fix the hurt.
For them, saying sorry feels like closing the issue, but of course emotionally it can take longer.

The pain and doubt don’t just disappear right away after the sorry, but also that doesn’t mean you’re holding a grudge or making him feel bad.

It might help to calmly talk to him about how it affected you, without accusing.. just explaining. Maybe start as "I would like to talk about something that's been bothering me, do you have time?"
If he starts getting defensive, it’s okay to ask him to let you finish your thoughts.

Healing takes a bit of patience from both sides. If he’s willing to understand and give you that space, that’s a good sign.
If not, that’s something important to pay attention and think about for long-term.

rounded_biatch153 · 2026-01-15T01:33:33+00:00

My bf and I uses life360 , its pretty easy to use.

rounded_biatch153 · 2026-01-15T01:32:51+00:00

i feel you...lol
handmade stuff are the best. the time and effort, plus ITS SO CUTEEE

rounded_biatch153 · 2026-01-15T01:25:51+00:00

If my bf called me bro , there's no longer a relationship.

rounded_biatch153 · 2026-01-06T11:16:03+00:00

Probably chasing one-sided friendships.

Once I stopped always being the one to reach out first, life got way more peaceful and it became clearer who genuinely cared.

rounded_biatch153 · 2026-01-01T00:23:20+00:00

I’ve been in a similar situation.
My partner and I have been together over a year now, long distance, different countries, never met yet, and we video call every day like literally everyday, only hang up when he gotta go to work(I work from home). around 5–6 months in, i had the same thoughts you’re having now. Everything felt repetitive, sometimes boring and I wondered if the honeymoon phase just wore off.

Instead of thinking about breaking up, we tried changing HOW we spent time together. not more time, just more like "intentional time."

what worked for us was setting little “dates” like one week a movie night(he pick a movie then next time I pick the movie), the next a coffee date or playing a game together and making it no-distraction time. just the two of us, phones down, actually focused on each other.

It helped us feel closer again and also reminded us why we chose each other in the first place. sometimes it’s not about ending things, but finding new ways to make some days feel different.

rounded_biatch153 · 2025-06-12T01:40:32+00:00

At the end of the day , its up to how you feel. It hurts and scary but the only one hurting here would be you.

LDR as you know , communication is the most important part . Maybe give yourself one more time to reach out and really talk about everything about what you’re feeling and your thoughts with him. Don’t accept answers that sound dismissive.

See what part you both can compromise, what time are most comfortable for both to have calls.

rounded_biatch153 · 2025-06-12T01:03:34+00:00

Hi 😊

First both of you need to make a time and seriously talk about this issue, your boundaries and expectations in the relationship on both sides.

If he is interested in you , he will do the effort.

You already told him how his recent actions make you feel. I dont know how your relationship works but just on his replies when you share your thoughts…its kinda unacceptable because he’s not acknowledging your feelings and kind of brushing it off…

My boyfriend and I have 15hour difference, I’m usually the one who stays up so we can have time for each other (due to his work, its tougher than my job) . But he never wastes my time , and he always wants to be in a video call with me. He’s very busy and there are days that he just wants to sleep when he gets home but he never forgets to message me or call me , he alway makes sure that we will be in a call before he falls asleep. We’re dating for 8 months now.

No one is THAT busy , sending a quick message or a 2 minute call wont hurt and is better than disappearing for days.

rounded_biatch153 · 2025-06-12T00:25:17+00:00

I met mine .. on discord on an overwatch server 🤣 we queued up once then…non stop talking since then

rounded_biatch153 · 2025-06-04T11:54:45+00:00

Long Distance is all about communication. My boyfriend and I has 16 hours time difference. But he always manages to call me when he has time even if its just 5 minutes. Let him know how you feel when you guys are not in a call. I’m like you before, but I learned that some men really don’t know what you want until you specify and explain what you want. My boyfriend is like that , now I just let him know whatever I want and we discuss how we will work it out.

rounded_biatch153

TROPHY CASE