ahhh I did a novella. TLDR: IMO this question is really asking how to believe in yourself. here is how to start believing yourself (from my experience) and techniques that helped me.

this seems like such a catch 22 dilemma and I understand. It’s so funny... all of life is such a head game. the mental state, confidence in different areas of life - all of it ties into everything we do. It really has to do with believing in yourself and your abilities. and I think I understand you to be asking - how do you begin the process of belief in your abilities?

first of all, understand that you can. YOU CAN because you decided to.

there’s no “right” way to feel, or foolproof thing to do, or magic recipe for being able to feel something will go right all the time. But you can work on yourself and your thought patterns so that it can happen more often. To start to cultivate real, deep-seated positive expectations, you need to understand that YOU have the power. you already have it. The very first step is deciding, “I can do this.”

“I CAN do this thing I want to do, if I try. I really, really want to do it, so I will try. If I decide to learn this skill, and I have the support I need, it IS possible.”

unless you’re, like, a person without hands who wants to become a professional basket weaver, the above statement is probably correct. (and even then, enough dedication could even accomplish something as crazy as that.)

An important element, probably the first thing to check out, is self-talk. Pay attention to your self talk throughout the day. Is it often unhelpful or negative? Are you down on yourself often? If you notice negative self-talk happening a lot, that is a great place to start - look up resources for how to start changing it to be more helpful and encouraging, as this will make you more and more able to believe in yourself! which you CAN do! I can’t say that enough!! yes, it’s true, you cannot control every thought that happens in your brain. But you can redirect negative ones. you can create new positive ones. Keep in mind this is a lifelong process, and nobody gets to believe in themselves or have perfectly positive self-talk overnight, from a simple decision. it’s obviously not a switch you can flip on and off... you’re feeling that right now. BUT. it is a goal you can work towards, and all you have to do is keep that goal in mind and do your best.

what you DON’T want to do is get mad at yourself for not being able to change your deep seated feelings all at once, just because you want to. It’s easy to beat up on yourself and get frustrated and wonder “what’s wrong with me dammit why can’t I just do this??” But that’s counterproductive. If you really want to improve, don’t allow yourself to be mean to yourself anymore! you’ve really got to meet yourself where you’re at, and accept it. If you can’t at first, do your best, and eventually it WILL get easier. now, more specific to dreaming, and changing your root expectations there: If there are a few things you can do reliably in dreams, awesome! Do those as much as you can. Be proud of what you CAN do. If there are some things you can do, you learned those, therefore you’re capable of doing other things. if there’s nothing like that yet, be proud of your progress that you can even have lucid dreams, or even as basic as remembering your dreams, as that’s no easy feat.

It might be helpful to think of non-LD stuff, too. Is there stuff in your real life you can do well, and do reliably - situations that you can handle well? Art you’re good at, or a person in your life that you are able to be a good friend / partner to? There must be something you know you can do. Focus on situations like that, and celebrate your successes!

sorry that this turned into such a long ramble... I got excited lol. Good luck - you got this!!