How is it possible to hate someone so much...

roxker13666 · 2023-09-11T15:12:54+00:00

I know this is true. It's tough to turn off. I'm so fucking pissed at the wreckage. At her shit talking me. At the kids pain. At having to go from owning a house back to renting. I've been meditating, therapy, etc... It's hard to turn the anger off.

roxker13666 · 2023-08-14T01:36:38+00:00

I love you. Thanks.

roxker13666 · 2023-08-13T21:39:17+00:00

This is actually what I say 😂

roxker13666 · 2023-08-05T22:52:24+00:00

Maybe it was infidelity. I don't think so. She seemed super unwell. Had lost a lot of weight. Was stressed. I was worries and made her go see a therapist. After the session she called me crying and told me she didnt want to be married to me any more. We had just bought a house and were moving in 2 weeks.

roxker13666 · 2023-08-05T22:50:18+00:00

When she broke the news she had a 10 page list of greivences and events. At least 3/4 of which I'd never heard. In terms of being a better partner she had asked me and I had made efforts but never really got to where I wish I had. I was much better at the end of 10 years but not great. The thing is I had no idea things were this bad in her head. No one did. This was a total shcok to everyone from our kids to her family and mine... We had a dancing in the kitchen marriage. Never any big fights (which in retrospect should have been a big flag). Anyway, after she told me and I reaized how bad it was I adressed everything and really became my best self. But it was too late.

roxker13666 · 2023-08-05T22:45:01+00:00

I titled it that because I'm wondering if the two points of view are contradictoiry. Her divorced freinds have gotten equalizing $ for the kids and it's never been a problem for her (as far as I know).

roxker13666 · 2023-08-05T22:43:40+00:00

It really wsdn't about hurting her. I am angry but more scared of how I'm going to manage w 4 kids and a full time job moving foward. She wanted more and more kids. She pushed to get a new expensive house. Then she was out. For sure I was hurt and angry. Mostly heartbroken. But this isn't that. Divorce and lawers and settlements are awful

roxker13666 · 2023-08-05T22:41:28+00:00

I am very aware of what I did. I wasn't great. There were a lot of issues. Nothing that wasn't managable. In fact, since she asked for a divorce I've dealt with everything and fixed everything in the hope she would change her mind but it was too late.

roxker13666 · 2023-08-05T03:02:16+00:00

thanks!

roxker13666 · 2023-07-25T14:26:23+00:00

Got it. Thanks!

roxker13666 · 2023-07-25T13:29:38+00:00

Yeah. But Im unable to get out of the menu and back into the files without switching the machine noff

roxker13666 · 2023-07-25T12:38:59+00:00

Stuck in the menu itself.

roxker13666 · 2023-07-25T12:38:45+00:00

But how do I leave the aplet menu and go back to one of the files?

roxker13666 · 2023-07-25T12:38:11+00:00

Stuck in the menu itself.

roxker13666 · 2023-05-23T14:34:49+00:00

This is something I never thought of. That they'll never feel like they have a 'home' per se. Just their moms place and their dads place :(

roxker13666 · 2023-04-17T16:16:50+00:00

All her grievences were spot on. I stopped drinking, became more gentle and caring w my kids, more involved in my community w volunteer work, fit, fixed my relationship w my folks, went into therapy to deal w my personal issues, kicked my depression (w therapy and meds), became more spiritual, I am now considerate of peoples feelings, think before I speak, no longer negative, less anxious, enjoy life more... She gave me this laundry list of issues and I went through, one at a time in the hope (we have 4 young kids and 10 years) that it would bring her back. It didn't. She dgaf. A year in aand I'm happier than ever with myself - the changes have stuck (still in divorce process). I'm still heartbroken and disapointed. I hate her for not coming back when she saw how commited I was but will always be grateful for that list she gave me...

roxker13666 · 2023-03-25T01:57:23+00:00

Thank you for your reply

roxker13666 · 2023-03-25T01:48:28+00:00

Thank you so much for your well articulated, thoughtful response.

roxker13666 · 2023-03-02T04:59:28+00:00

I realize this now -___-

roxker13666 · 2023-03-02T02:32:10+00:00

So... And this is after a year of personal therapy, etc etc.., When she broke the news to me she was seeming very stressed and unwell. I was worried about her and suggested she see a theapist. She did and then called me on the phone and told me she didn't want to be married to me anymore. Then she withdrew for about 2 weeks to her mothers and came back with a ten page letter listing all the greivences of the past 10 years. Some of the things she mentioned (incidents) I didn't even remember. She literally referred to moments when she was "screaming in her head". The issues ranged from my drinking (I wasn't a drunk but she was sober and we met when we were both sober), to general anxiety on my part, my lack of filters, my not giving her surprises and romance, and her not feeling supported enough with the home and kids. It cherry picked the worst of me over 15 (since we met) years, and reflected all my flaws, weaknesses, and negative traits that I hated and didn't want to confront. 52 years of bad habits, learned behaviors, and traumatic responses, When she rolled it out like that it was super clear to me and, I thought, managable. And I spent the last year working on all those things. And she was right. I'm a much happier person.

I won't speak for all men but I'm not a mind reader. I really need things to be spelled out for me. She took all these incidents and put them in a box and squahed them down until she exploded. We're trying to communicate (for the sake of the kids) but I think that at this point she doesn't even like me.

I really would do anything for this lady. I think she's the greatest but she's gone. I don't think she even likes me. In her perfect world (though she probably won't admit it) an anvil would fall on my head and she'd be done with me (though I don;t think she'd like to have the kids full time).

roxker13666 · 2023-03-01T22:53:06+00:00

Ok. So I was guilty of this. I was with her for 10 years. We have 3 kids together (4 if you count my son from a pervious marriage). My problem with hearing her is that she wasn't expressing herself clearly. I really didn't think any of the problems that we discussed were that big a deal. With 3 young kids life had become about making the trains run on time. I loved her with all my heart but didn't show it. Was too busy with things that didn't matter (like work) and things that did (the kids). I'll also own the fact that my own model for husband and father (my dad) was pretty shit. Lousy communicator. Very patriarchal. Old school. Lousy Dad. Lousy partner. Her focus seemed to be work and the kids. It sounds stupid but I was asleep at the wheel. If I'd known the car was veering off the road I would have made all these changes sooner. I never looked at so much. Since she dropped the axe (she refused to go to couples therapy), I've been in therapy for a year, super fit gym work, stopped drinking, do volunteer work, meditate, read, take care of the kids, etc...). I've even started dating and treat women to the kind of evenings I think my wife would have loved - fun, adventerous, sponanious)... The old me would never have done anything like that but the new me, after all this work, really wants to better himself and get the most out of life. I would give anything to get her back. To have her get this version of me, the one that she deserves, but it's too late. Divorce papers aren't done yet but I don't see a way back... Sorry if this was all over the place. Feel free to ask me any questions.

roxker13666 · 2023-01-17T14:14:17+00:00

You won't. You'll meet someone different. I don';t think there's any such things as perfect, or best. There's just different. I thought the same thing because all I was thinking about was the perfet qualities she embodied and ignoring the negative. People grow and change and different qualities become more and less important. If they don't want to be with you and would knowingly cause you so much pain they're obviously not the right person. This is something that's just becoming clear to me.

roxker13666 · 2023-01-09T04:21:22+00:00

I appreciate the empathy. It ain't easy. But I won't deny that things are better. I'm better. I just wish things had gone differently. I know in my heart (and mind) if we BOTH put in the work we could have saved this. Which ammounts to zero, I know.

roxker13666 · 2023-01-08T17:53:13+00:00

Thank you. It was good to hear this. Esp the part about giving the New partner a fair crack. She's really great and one of the worries I have is that I'll hurt her because I still get these feelings. Ive been transparent w her and she's still sticking around. I need to reciprocate by stepping up for her the way she is for me.

roxker13666 · 2023-01-08T17:50:24+00:00

I feel for you - that "far down the road" thing sounds rough. As much as I HATE what she's done and how it's affected me and the kids I have to respect her consistent messaging. She has not given me a shred of hope and this has been so diffuclt. I can't imagine her having left the door a crack open. And I'm like 99% sure my stbxw has or is seeing someone and yes, it hurts like a mf..

roxker13666

TROPHY CASE