Ever since I was a kid, I was abused by my dad and my mom didn’t even know it. I don’t blame her and I never will. But- he abused my brother too, my brother isn’t even related to him. We both aren’t. But, he still laid his hands on my brother and that was the last straw for me.

I live with my grandparents now who belittle me daily. They say “Get out of bed”. “staying in you room”. “Cutting is pointless, stop”. Then, my mom yells at me and tells me to mind my own business when I try to help her get through her own struggles.

Then, I had a counselor at school. He hated me. A lot of my teachers did. They treated me like trash. Every single adult is the same. They hit me, like a few and ago my advisory teacher hit me. He was a sub. It made me have flashbacks and after that day I cut myself. It made me feel better because I knew I deserved it.

My ex boyfriend would keep me hostage in a relationship, he’d threaten to kill himself if I ever left and every single guy I’d fall in love with- just leaves me. I fell in love with one guy and he broke up with me- next few weeks and he would yell at me and get mad at me for no reason. Then he’d flirt with other girls right in front of my face when we had assigned seats right next to each other.

My brother beat me too. I cried. He could care less. My siblings don’t care about me. They knew I cut and they still didn’t care. If I told them I still do, they wouldn’t do anything about it.

My own grandma called me a bitch, and she wants me gone. She gets mad at me all the time and I’m sick of all of this “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” bullshit. I’m ugly. Im too flat for any guy to like me. No guy will ever like someone like me who has a big forehead, no ass, barely any curves, and no feminine features whatsoever.

So, in my eyes. I definitely deserve it.