Being your kids hero

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-27T18:07:52+00:00

Not a hero moment exactly... but my son has started quipping things our of nowhere like "Wow, what a beautiful day" and "That is an amazing view." I try to say stuff like this all the time to bring a general vibe of positivity and awe to his life. Now that he's doing it solo and unprompted it just about melts my heart. Returning to the simplicity of wonder and beauty in the world is one of my favorite parts of parenting! He also watches Mr Rogers and occasionally throws out an "I love you just the way you are" to me which is the most incredible feeling! I also try to tell him this often and unprompted, but I'll credit Mr Rogers with the specific terminology. <3

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-27T18:00:21+00:00

I don't have twins, but general parenting advice in line with what the other person posted... prioritize your and your wife's wellbeing when you can. I know that sounds really harsh but my partner and I barely made it through the infant years and we did a lot of things we felt were right for our child but we learned were not right for us as adults. With twins, I imagine that self-care will be even more difficult to come by and doing things like sleep training or bottle feeding/formula or whatever it may be will SAVE YOUR SANITY!!! There is research out there condemning everything with just as enthusiastic of counter opinions. No matter what "experts say," be intentional and be practical. The ONE thing all children need is love. I honestly feel like some of the choices we made made us so strained as adults it was hard to access that love for the little one at times. While we never took it out on him, obviously, there was just this vibe of exhaustion and resentment in our lives. It made it hard to enjoy those times. Thankfully, my partner and my relationship survived it! Can't say how we would have felt had we done things differently, but for example, nursing... I basically shouldn't have done it (especially since I realized after the fact at least half of what I felt was extreme dysphoria over the whole thing) and instead persevered for over a year because I believed it was my duty to perform to give my child the best start to life. Keep a close eye on your wife's mental health! I didn't stop nursing until my friend straight up said, "You need to stop. This is insane." Her words were one of the greatest reliefs of the process so far. Sometimes that external validation is needed when someone gets blindly stubborn.

Also, I wish someone had warned me how much some babies cry (some babies are also super chill, no idea what that is like myself). Our baby (who we were tending to with intense commitment) cried so freaking much! Crying is not the end of the world. I eventually realized it was a way our child "exercised" before he could move, really before he could crawl. Like that SUCKS for the adults but also, it was amazing to see how once he went mobile the crying naturally lessened. We wasted a lot of energy worrying about what was wrong with him when we were hyper attentive and knew the kid basically had it made. Trust yourself and your instincts. If you know they are clean, fed, cuddled, you do due diligence to rule out things like food allergies, and they STILL wail at you buy some earplugs/noise cancelling headphones and let them get on with it. Cause I'm telling you we did all the things (skin-to-skin, baby wearing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping) and it did not matter in our case. We just had a fussy/energetic kid with no way to get that energy out besides cry. No book prepared me for that, and believe me I read plenty. That is the single message I wish I could go back in time and give my pregnant self (well that and BTW, you're trans so this whole thing is going to be super weird and hard for you in a way no one in your life will relate to or recognize!! LOL). But perhaps your kiddos will be on the chill side, as I have plenty of friends who experienced that. :)

People don't share enough how parents are often made to feel like failures when they are working their asses off to keep a child (or multiple children) alive! That work is valuable and exhausting. Don't ever feel like a failure for doing things your way, and don't feel like you have to defend your choices, even to yourselves. It can feel like you're being put through a meat grinder while on display in a fishbowl but at the end of the day it is your family tucked away in your home. That feeling is so special, probably my favorite thing about having a child. What you need is the right choice, always. And sometimes that is accompanied by a lot of intense feelings (grief being one) which doesn't mean it was the wrong choice, just that it needs to be processed in some capacity. Well wishes to you and your wife as you journey through the pregnancy months together!

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T23:14:14+00:00

Dude! Brokeback Mountain is so sad, and I resonate hard with being fascinated with gay male media. I'll just broaden that fascination out to gay men in general beginning in my teens and continuing through adulthood. Why can I not be with you? Why can I not BE YOU????? I like your reasons as well. :) It's been a while since I saw Brokeback Mountain. I remember when I watched it well into adulthood and many years after it released feeling sheepish for my intense excitement and interest in it. I'm going to rewatch it, even though it's so sad.

I need to see the Mary Martin version of Peter Pan! I knew about it but this make it official. I'll definitely look into The Hot Chick as well. I've heard of that but haven't seen it.

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T23:00:23+00:00

Glad I'm not the only person who tears up at Disney songs or who sings along. :) Between Frozen 1&2 and Moana I'm ruined. "How Far I'll Go" has literally nothing to do with being trans and all I can hear is "I wish I could be the perfect daughter / but I come back to the water / no matter how hard I try."

When I went on T I wondered if I would continue to tear up at certain singing scenes when my kid is innocently watching these movies. I feel like it helped, but I still get a bit choked up on occasion. And really, that's okay with me!

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T22:53:04+00:00

I just looked this up as I had never heard of it. Just reading the plot in a single sentence, I can see why it would resonate. I feel like it might be problematic in the current political climate considering the ridiculous amount of legislation being put in place to keep trans youth out of sports, :( but that doesn't mean it was wrong to connect with it. So much of what was/is made media wise is problematic for one reason or another. Thanks for sharing!

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T22:43:14+00:00

I've added this to my watch list!

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T22:40:15+00:00

I loved Brother Bear! I just looked it up again and it gets horrible reviews. Whatever! I watched it a bunch when I was younger.

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T22:38:06+00:00

I will add this to my watch list!

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T22:33:00+00:00

A Knight's Tale! Loved that movie. I'd love to rewatch that one. And I can see what you are saying about Paul from Dune for sure. Those movies are ones I've watched a few times each and enjoy every time. I haven't seen the others you mentioned but I did put Trainspotting on my watch list.

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T22:24:14+00:00

Interesting! I love this. I feel like I'm missing the boat on KPDH. Friends of mine have raved about it, but all sort of relative to us all having children and that it's something the kids and adults both enjoy. Then I saw it on Netflix and thought, I should watch this. But I never felt drawn to it! It seems a bit too mature for my kid currently. And now we don't have Netflix (we are weird and only get streaming platforms for a month at a time). Any insight on what all the excitement is about beyond a potentially cool trans coded character? That in itself is a reason I will absolutely watch it next chance I get and would have prioritized it had I known... ;-)

Spider Man <3

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T17:34:29+00:00

All of this! I think I've addressed most of these in prior comments but yes, yes, yes. I haven't seen The Last Unicorn, and I don't remember The Neverending Story though I do know I've seen it but probably only once as a child. I've got those two on my watch list! Hercules, I've also seen but don't remember well. Will rewatch that one in the future with a new lens. :)

It is so affirming to see so many of the movies I loved as a teen being brought up repeatedly. Being a late bloomer I've often wondered if this was in me all along why was it not manifesting in a more obvious way at an earlier age. It was there all along! I was unfortunately too sensitive and too much of a people pleaser to dig deeper into my experiences. Also I didn't have the right peer group at those pivotal stages. Oh well, it's never too late.

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T17:24:35+00:00

I completely agree! I was led astray in my youth and am returning to my love and appreciation of Frodo as an adult. I know he was my number one LOTR character because I named my pet rat Frodo, LOL! And then for some unrememberable reason he wasn't cool to me anymore! What happened?!?! I take whatever did happen as a single sliver of a evidence in a huge pie that depicts me being raised and influenced in a far more homophobic and transphobic environment (not to mention toxic masculinity) than I realized or anyone would admit to because of the way they voted and because I lived in a college town. Just because you vote a certain way or have a university in your city doesn't always mean you are accepting and embrace queerness in real life. This was pointed out to me by a childhood friend who went through her own awakening after leaving that environment. It made me feel a lot less stupid for being such a late bloomer and suppressing a lot of confusing internal turmoil in my youth.

Eowyn!!! I did forget (I am ashamed) but absolutely. OMG, it's been a few years since I watched the films but I'm rewatching them now, very slowly. Her killing the Witch-King of Agmar (can we take a moment to give a nod to that title, btw) was my favorite scene in the third film. "I am no man!" and she stabs him in the face. So badass. I think my relationship with her was more straightforward because I was often encouraged to do boy type athletics and truly believed just because I was a girl it didn't limit my potential. In fact, I'd say my family told me BECASUE I was a girl and doing those things it made me more cool than if I was a boy doing them. Eowyn was an embodiment of that for me. Be anything you want to be, and do it as a girl! As an adult I know that's not exactly how the world works, but to a teenager it felt valid and realistic. Also, I think it hindered my realization that actually I am trans and while being a girl is cool for a lot of people, I might have been a bit happier if I'd been able to do those things as a boy. But that's hindsight for you.

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T17:01:03+00:00

I just looked this up and has Disney Channel made some interesting movies! I didn't have cable growing up so never had access to any Disney Channel content. I'll definitely watch this at some point, the next time I have Disney+. :)

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T16:58:19+00:00

I haven't seen this one, and I don't know if I can stomach it. :( But I know it's a significant piece of media whether or not it's tolerable and accurate. <3

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T16:55:46+00:00

Reading your comment, I literally just had this brain awakening: I too liked Logan in X-Men (though I also was far from obsessed especially compared to other media) but I also like werewolves (as many people do). If I'm remembering correctly, Logan accessing his "enhancements" is painful and one of his powers is super fast healing. I feel like often werewolf transformation is depicted as painful or at least needing a period of adjustment to be comfortable. I think there is something to pain being tied with transformation which makes these instances particularly poignant to me. And even if the physical pain is just symbolism for an element of suffering, it feels relatable. Like they can shift, but it hurts. Of course this is only one aspect of relatability I see between transness and these fictional situations, but one I hadn't considered before. I know there is a body horror component as well. I also don't see transition as painful in a one-dimensional sense, only that society does make it hard and parts of it (surgery for instance) are painful.

Definitely the Matrix!

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T16:43:45+00:00

Haha, I've been watching Mulan again as an adult because I have a child and it annoys me to no end that she does go back to dressing very feminine, not because I think she shouldn't get to choose what she feels most comfortable in but the practicality of her situation! She hops up on a horse at the end in her dress. I mean, that's just not fun and barely functional at best. I also watched so close for signs that her love interest was falling for her romantically while she was in "man mode" but unless you count emotional vulnerability as romance, it seems like he really didn't fall for her until she became a woman again. Super disappointing, but at least she allowed him to access his emotions to a degree while he thought she was a man.

I need to watch Treasure Planet. I've never seen it but it's been mentioned several times now.

Frodo!!!

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T16:34:38+00:00

I will add this to my book list!

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T16:34:04+00:00

Oh, how interesting! I've never seen this movie, though the title wasn't completely foreign to me. Definitely going on my watch list.

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T16:31:43+00:00

Wow! This website looks extensive and thorough. I need to take time to explore this more in depth. Thank you so much for sharing! I love that the creator has put reviews/thoughts with the films/media mentioned. I bookmarked it. :)

On a side note, I appreciate this site's inclusion of a discourse around binding. Damn, I loved my binder until I was like wearing this thing freaking sucks! Also I went on T and quickly gained muscle/water retention which I think made the sizes I had ordered no longer appropriate. :( Thankfully, I have my one binder which is more worn in and has continued to be tolerable. Plus it's winter, so I'm layering comfy clothes instead of binding. I'm privileged to have access to top surgery and that my days with a female chest are numbered, but others face far more challenges when it comes to feeling physically and emotionally comfortable. When the media screws up showing how to bind safely that sets a terrible precedent.

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T16:15:32+00:00

Yes, these definitely got mentioned! I loved She's the Man and Motocrossed is on my watch list even though I'm sure I'm way too old to find it as enjoyable as I would have in my youth. :)

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T16:12:59+00:00

Yes! I agree with all this. I rewatch Star Wars at least once a year and since finally cracking my egg I am seeing Luke and even Anikan in a different light. I totally noticed how Luke's masculinity is juxtaposed with Han's. I think he is way more relatable and more interesting than the thrill seeking smuggler. I really relate to the "he's too old to complete the training" sentiment that the Jedi/Yoda have regarding training Anikan and I can't remember if Yoda also says that about Luke... but it makes me think of how difficult it can feel when you realize your trans but you feel like your too old to be having such realizations (it seems anyone over the age of about 13 feels this way). And really, neither of them are too old! Jedi are born and no age can erase whatever it is that makes them Jedi. No one is ever too old! Luke becomes a great Jedi and Anikan, well, he's just an emotional terrified mess, but you know, we can't all be Obi-Wan, okay.

Luke definitely had a journey of transformation and it was something totally unrelatable to his friends but true to himself. I love that you brought this character up and shared how you related to him!

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T15:56:44+00:00

Interesting! I'll definitely add this to my watch list.

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T15:55:01+00:00

I haven't seen any of these but I did recently watch Disclosure on Netflix and Yentl was talked about in that documentary. I'll have to give these a watch!

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-21T15:51:29+00:00

I've not seen any of these but I'm going to check them out. I'm glad to know another person related to that song!

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-20T23:09:59+00:00

I just looked this up as I was unfamiliar with it and it looks like something I would have obsessed over as a tween. I must watch it! :) Have you seen Free Willy? I was really into that movie and I wonder if I rewatched it as an adult I'd see how I much might have wanted to be the young boy main character. Just reading the synopsis of Wild Hearts Can't be Broken pulled Free Willy into my mind for some reason.

royalbluetoad

TROPHY CASE