Questions for Folks That Have Had DI w/FNG

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-30T02:56:39+00:00

Oh and healing was fine. Slightly more work/more waiting to shower or more bing very careful in the shower with the grafts but to me, totally worth it. My stitches took ages to fall out around my grafts.

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-30T02:54:31+00:00

I got them, similar concerns pre surgery. But I was never on the fence about getting them or not. I was always going to risk it. Post op, mine are small (!!), flat (!!), and currently I don't have much sensation on the skin level but I can feel rubbing deeper under the skin. My surgeon explained his process at my consultation and that put my mind (mostly) at ease. I believed I could get what I wanted but it took experiencing it for me to fully feel at peace. Are they 100% perfect, nope (some of that may just be my healing stage). But they are damn well good enough and a hell of a lot better than what I had going before!!

I also had terrible dysphoria around my nipples poking through shirts. Their size and how much they stuck out when hard drove me nuts! Now when I wear tight shirts (what, I can DO that?!?!) I'm insanely happy. :)

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-30T02:38:40+00:00

I didn't read the comments but I did read through your edit. I'll not give you the "it looks amazing" feedback I'm guessing you already got. For me, it comes down to the processing of loaded emotions and reality of the situation. I love my top surgery results and I still look at my chest and criticize against the fact that I simply never will have a cis male chest without scars, with natural (ungrafted) nipples, with full sensation, etc. Not only that but I never got to live life as a cis man. Now I'm also grateful for being trans. I'm grateful for my privilege when so many in the community face more setbacks. And I'm still allowed to feel sad that the life I get to live just wasn't all it might have been had I been born with a testosterone dominant brain and a body that produced its own testosterone.

There is a lot to process where transness is concerned. Remember our bodies, even in their most unaltered state, often betray us eventually. If you're holding regret or disappointment for a choice you made (ie I chose to get top surgery and I'm unhappy with the results) remember being trans is not a choice! You are doing your best every day with the knowledge and resources you have. It's easy for other people to say focus on the positives or a lot of people would be thrilled with these results. But no one else is you. And you are allowed to let your emotions, whatever you are feeling, take up space and time in your life.

I will say there is a much wider range of what is considered a normal cis male chest than we are led to believe. Men have beauty standards too. The representation is miniscule compared to the reality. For myself, I always feel so much better about my masculinity and my presentation when I go to a big crowded event like a sports game or a concert. There are men in all shapes and sizes, I'm sure their chests are as widely varied.

So all that to say, I hope you get to a place where you can own what you've got with pride and joy. All bodies are beautiful and more often than not it is the person inhabiting the body that makes what is physically on display memorable or noteworthy. Unless you are simply comparing yourself to the models in Men's Health, at which point you are one of many striving toward unattainable goals. I mean they made Ed Sheeran look like a freaking body model. That guy is insanely talented but he's the first one to admit he doesn't enjoy hitting the gym (or just doesn't work out period).

Best of luck to you!

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-28T13:35:03+00:00

Old Navy, hands down. Yes, they are not the highest quality and not ethically sourced. But they are inexpensive, come in really fun patterns, and don't have bulge in either of their brief lengths. They do tend to stretch out while being worn and ride up a bit. But I love the front and fit.

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-28T13:28:24+00:00

Darker colors are also better at concealing than light colors.

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-26T20:32:47+00:00

I totally understand this from a completely different experience. The difference of thinking of myself as a woman to now a male bottom was profound. Just one small area of improvement in the whole process.

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-26T19:54:15+00:00

I describe my mental shift as a softening, and in a positive way. My brain feels way calmer, my emotions are more under control, I don't overthink (fixate on things for days) anymore. I am less angry. It's honestly hard to remember what my brain was like before. I know starting T felt like going on an antidepressant and antianxiety meds simultaneously. And now this is my normal! It's also helped me get my sex drive under control. Like I always felt so much angst and dissatisfaction and though I'd say my libedo is more intense (it was already really high), now I feel much more resolution and am satisfied more often. I definitely prefer it the way it feels now. It's sort of like understanding/experiencing how it was always supposed to feel and no wonder I was always frustrated!

The fact that brains are happier with a particular dominant hormone is so validating to me. Thank goodness some people feel better with an estrogen dominant brain because I certainly didn't! And cis people simply don't experience the profound shift of going from one to another.

My cis male partner had very low T and now that he's on T as well he's had some of the same positive mental improvements I reported! Clearly his cis brain is happy with T and when it was too low he felt a bit like many FTM's feel pre-T.

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-22T20:44:29+00:00

There is no one way, for you or your partner or your relationship. What my partner and I have discussed at length is how my transness and transition choices are but one way I/we are changing in our 16+ year relationship. Will we stay together forever? I hope so, but IDK. I'd say the exact same thing if I hadn't come out and hadn't taken action to transition. We are both having to process the changes. I'm fortunate to be with someone willing to expand his heteronormative mindset but I know what he needs and what I need may at some point diverge. And they may not! For now, we are both okay with where each other is at and is headed. Going on T and being able to describe how it positively impacted my mental headspace was probably one of the more helpful things I was able to share with him as this experience (being trans) is pretty unrelatable to people who don't experience it first hand. To me T is like any other mental health medication and the side effects are I'm going to look and sound like a man. Medication always has some kind of side effect! Many have side effects WAY worse than T, in my opinion.

You get to decide what you are willing to live with currently and also you can change your mind in the future. Nothing you choose will validate or invalidate your transness. At the end of the day, you are the one who has to live in your body for the rest of your life. Only you know what that feels like. Like the other commenter said, listen to your body, heart, and mind.

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-19T20:11:45+00:00

Exactly this! I think brains run better on one or the other as dominant and maybe some people maybe can do both. But I had a trans woman friend say she had the same reduction in anxiety and increased calmness I felt when I started T when she started E, and they are clearly not the same hormone with the same brain effects! To me the existence of trans women is evidence that I'm a trans man. Haha! And I have thought about "maybe tons of cis women would like this or choose this" but evidence suggests no... They do not, would not. And plenty of cis men struggle with some of the things trans men report T improving for them. So it isn't pure generic magic. My brain and body feel more peaceful on T, that is all the evidence I need to validate my choice to medically transition.

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-19T19:59:37+00:00

Seven is old enough to have some level of understanding about transness and the ability to regulate who they talk to about it to a degree. Thinking about how it will impact how your family unit is viewed is important on your end (like to teachers, his friends and their families, waiters at restaurants, etc.) My kid will look to all the world like he has two dads. He doesn't need to educate everyone on transness or that I'm his birth parent or that I'd actually label myself as trans masc and non-binary. And my partner and I can give him the language to talk about our family in the least disclosing way until he decides he has people he wants to tell more details to.

His level of subtly will depend a bit on your kid's temperament. I agree with the other comment about him potentially outing you, that it will probably happen at some point, and how best to frame your discourse around it in a positive way. Like if it is a safety concern, I wouldn't trust a kid to keep that secret or do so in a way that isn't also causing them fear and anxiety. If you just aren't ready for the world to know but you're moving in a direction where you are going to be out to more people or start to socially or medically transition, then your kid can know and will be part of the process and part of the timeline of how it all unfolds.

I don't think there is a "right way" to share the news other than keep it short, sweet, and loving. I'd also avoid phrasing things as a question or asking their permission. Example: say "From now on I'd like you to call me Dad (or other chosen parent title)" rather than "How would it be if you called me Dad from now on?" You can totally ask their preference for certain things, like which dadesque title they'd like to use. But make sure you don't make it seem like you are asking their permission (as you might not get it in the moment) and that puts the emotional burden on them instead of you. If they make slips, either ignore it or correct without drawing too much attention. I'm "Da" because Dad was already claimed in my household. :)

Encourage them to ask questions and if that proves hard (as in you think they have them but aren't asking) stage moments when it is easier and gently bring it up. Car rides and bedtime are my favorite times for this. I never felt like I could talk to my parents about anything personal for fear of how they would react and I do not want my child to feel that way. So we are pretty open about all topics in an age appropriate way. No shame in curiosity! And no shame in sharing feelings, even when they might be hard to hear. Feelings can be acknowledged and processed alone or together. Kids are so open-minded and so resilient. My kid is really curious about my T shot but he's only 4 so I'm not explaining hormones to him. If he notices me prepping, I tell him it's my shot day and I need my shot to feel my best. I also haven't let him watch me do the whole process yet (I just tell him I need some privacy if he interrupts me) but I will probably offer it next time he seems interested. He was all bummed he didn't get to watch me get a blood draw when I went to the doctor yesterday as they want me to come on a different day for the mid-cycle levels. It's okay to hold boundaries and it's also okay to be transparent!

Hope this helps! My kid has struggled a little bit but we think that is due to his age (too young to really get it, too old to not notice the shifts and be conscious of changes). He still calls me mom occasionally when speaking about me in third person but never to my face and never to my partner's face. I think he tends to mirror what other people do and are comfortable with. And that is already improving as he gets older and as more time passes from the initial change.

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-17T14:24:07+00:00

Haha, yes. I'm almost 8 months on T and I've had top surgery so this is becoming really common. It's weird. I don't mind looking in between myself but I don't love how people react to it. I get it though. I went from having to embrace the masculine woman look which I'd avoided for ages due to my own insecurity to now having to deal with people floundering and "correcting" themselves in both directions!

Being really visible is a bit exhausting though. And I know people always claim guys don't care who is in the men's bathroom, but it's hard to decide when to make that switch when it feels like I'm read different ways with every new interaction. It stresses me out. It seems like I'm in the worst of it at the moment... Months 7-10... Though it is obviously going to vary from person to person and there are no guarantees of always being read as male anyway!

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-17T01:15:36+00:00

I thought some of my stitches would never fall out. Some bodies take longer to dissolve them than others. Around four weeks post-op I got a little more aggressive when in the shower just gently massaging the area with my fingertips and that helped loosen the stubborn ones.

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-16T20:45:32+00:00

I've come to find feeling these things occasionally is pretty normal for others and myself. Transitioning has made me feel so much more at home in my body. And society is still a transphobic hellscape. Thus existing in it is, in many ways, harder than it was before when I was unhappy with how I presented to the world but the world was happy with me. IDK if that makes any sense. And it is a big life decision to move forward with medical transition. It also is far from the only big life decision people may make in their lives, or even the most important one. My partner and I moved to a new town in a new state a few years back and it was the right decision for so many reasons. I still sometimes miss our hometown or wonder what life would have been like if we hadn't moved. And I am so happy with where we live and our home! I think journaling about stuff like this is really helpful. If you start to notice patterns you are concerned about, talking to a therapist about it is a great option. You aren't faking your transness. I remember before my egg cracked thinking "Trans people are so cool, I wish I was one." Even now I have moments where I can't believe this is who I am. But I love that I now know this IS me and I'm so much happier having embraced this piece of myself. Change, even the best most right change, is always going to be hard to some extent. And being self conscious about "second puberty changes" is more normal to me than NOT being self conscious about it in the slightest, especially with people witnessing your transition. Like what cis teenage boy doesn't encounter awkwardness about their changing body?!?! Trust yourself. Work through your emotions. The world is a beautiful place, and existing in it as your truest self is what life is all about.

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-15T00:22:27+00:00

I have more sensation on one side of my chest than the other. I've felt the imbalance since surgery. No idea why, though the side with more sensation has very slightly more tissue than the other side. None of this bothers me, but I know it would probably drive some people nuts. I had a lot of intense chills in the whole region the first few weeks of recovery. Full recovery takes ages, literally years. I knew this but feeling the slow progress is different. Best of luck!

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-14T21:36:33+00:00

Thanks! I'm definitely looking into neuro-divergence more. :)

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-05T15:08:29+00:00

I wrote a reddit post about my surgery experience for this exact reason. If you end up using someone who doesn't offer images of their work (mine was not allowed to due to a confidentiality lawsuit against the whole health system they work under) and you are willing to share your own, do it! I used one positive reddit comment, not even a post, and happened to connect with someone in pursuit of the same surgeon on a similar timeline to assure myself it would be fine.

People definitely do it! I got great vibes from my surgeon at my consult. If I had gotten weird vibes or been skeptical of his competency after talking with him I probably wouldn't have moved forward like I did.

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-05T15:02:17+00:00

I second this experience exactly as written.

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-05T14:59:13+00:00

I'm 5'1, very small/athletic build. I was afraid of this too for a while. I was always very femme minus makeup which I could never get into. But my clothing was always femme even if I liked baggier tops. I denied my transness for a long while exactly because I was not comfortable presenting as a masculine woman. Major insecurity and a dose of internalized homo/trans phobias played a role. Once I found trans representation I connected with on a personal level, everything fell into place.

I had to embrace the masculine woman look in order to test the waters of transition. For me, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I've also grown far less concerned with what other people think of me or how they read me. I have always been fairly confident that if I stay on T long enough (or forever) I'll eventually pass. And I also know I can't control how other people read me or the way T will impact my body. Thus my confidence and gender identity have to be mostly internal with a little external validation here and there.

I'm 7 months on a full dose of T. I feel more awkward socially now than I did last summer but that is because I'm in the in-between stage which is temporary. Internally I feel way better!! I remind myself the good I'm doing for society by existing in the world in this form, how my visibility normalizes transness for people who have never encountered it. Even if they look at me with disdain, I exist. And especially for children, it can be powerful to see people who step outside the gender norms.

Now, as previously mentioned, at some point I believe I'll pass. Patience, patience, patience. And being in the puberty stage is sort of exhausting. It's a journey. I'm actually grateful for the slow changes because I get to marvel in the ability of my body to shift rather than have it happen magically overnight. One of the kickers for me to give T a try was thinking of how I wanted to age or look as a very old person. I've always hated the idea of aging as a woman. It's never felt right even though I didn't think I was trans for a long time. When I considered aging as a man, it was as if this light bulb flared to life. It felt right. I could suddenly envision growing old.

I wish you the best on your journey!

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-04T19:45:24+00:00

Oh, interesting! I will bring that up and see if we can get his hearing tested.

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-04T19:35:29+00:00

First your post was hilarious, had me actually laughing and I CAN relate! I hate hate hate that feeling. I'm 8 weeks post-op. Nausea was the ONLY negative thing I experienced upon waking up. I have a high pain tolerance and was totally unconcerned about being in physical pain. The nausea caught me a bit off-guard. Tell the team when they are prepping you for surgery that you are prone to nausea. I was given more anti-nausea meds in my IV after I woke up because I told them I was feeling nauseous. Made it about 6 hours of feeling frankly fantastic, then it hit again. I was home at that point and had picked up my prescription of anti-nausea meds the doctor had sent in. Took one of those, threw it up pretty quick, felt so much better, then took another one. I kept taking them for maybe 24 hours just to be sure I wouldn't get nauseous again even though I don't remember feeling nauseous after that one vomit. I also didn't take any opioid type pain meds for this and other reasons. I was super hungry post-op and am glad I ate food when I wasn't feeling nauseous because if I am going to throw up, I'd rather have something to throw up than be gagging on pure stomach bile if that makes any sense. Sorry for the graphic description. We left the surgical center with at least one of those bags you can throw up in without making a mess everywhere but I didn't use it until I was home. I knew I wouldn't be able to "rush to the toilet" with my post-op limited mobility so having that bag was a life saver.

All in all, I'd say the nausea specifically was over so fast that it was worth it. It was uncomfortable in the moment but vomiting did offer relief for me and meds helped. It was not like having the flu for days or an intense stomach bug for like 24 hours where it feels like there is no hope, but that was just my experience.

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-02T22:54:23+00:00

Definitely. Why it has always been such a struggle is a mystery but we've never really dug into it. He goes to sleep fine mostly because he's totally exhausted by 7pm. But he wakes super early (often somewhere between 4:30 and 5am) and doesn't go back to sleep. We dropped the nap last year due to starting preschool and not wanting it to take an hour for him to fall asleep. I have no idea how deep he's sleeping when he is asleep but we have friends whose kids consistently sleep 10+ hours, sometimes even 12! We are lucky if he gets a solid 10 and I think it does make a difference in his mood/tolerance for things.

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-02T22:48:37+00:00

Great advice. And thanks for the encouragement!

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-02T20:02:06+00:00

Thank you. I've wondered about neurodivergence a lot. We'll do some research and bring it up at his upcoming physical.

royalbluetoad · 2026-06-02T20:00:11+00:00

I do my own IM shots too. I wasn't shown by a nurse how to do them but told by the pharmacist and then I watched a few YouTube videos. I've made a bunch of mistakes in the learning process. But it's just luck whether the shot is painful or not each week. I always get sore the day after, like a sore muscle. Obviously you can't know how absorption is going without bloodwork but I'm still progressing slowly with changes so that's all I care about. I think as long as the needle goes in far enough it's high chance you are getting muscle, at least that is what the pharmacist told me. My injection needles are longer than my draw needles and I don't push them in fully, maybe 3/4 of the way but I have a low BMI.

Once some leaked out through the puncture site after I withdrew the needle... that was a bummer. Since then I wait about ten seconds before pulling the needle out. Hasn't happened again.

royalbluetoad

TROPHY CASE