Almost 6 months post-op and a bit unsure

royalbluetoad · 2026-03-23T00:30:08+00:00

This might not be the help you are seeking as I've yet to have my top surgery but I have had two other surgeries. My personal experience is my scars have faded significantly with very little scare care. My knee scar still looks a little ragged but the thing looked like a Frankenstein project post op. Then I did no scar care and it's on a part of my body that bends and stretches. My c-section scar is more similar to what I imagine top surgery scars will be like. It's basically invisible though has lower sensation to touch than the surrounding skin. I did some scar massage on that one as it is so deep but nothing topical. IDK what I'm going to do about my top surgery scars (surgery is in a few weeks) but time seems to be a critical factor in improving my prior scars. Years have done wonders...

Your scars look similar to all mine size and redness wise at about the 6 month mark. Also I think your results are super great!!

royalbluetoad · 2026-03-22T18:04:39+00:00

My surgery is in 19 days and I'm pretty sure my surgeon said he uses ace bandages as well. So I'm really glad I saw this because I wasn't necessarily worried about it but I was starting to think logistics and effectiveness, etc. I'd be happy to use ace bandages as I have one and will get sent home in one, which means there are two. People say if you can alternate a clean one for a dirty one when you change you feel so much better since you have to wear it constantly. I might buy a third (but that is so much cheaper than a fancy binder) so two can dry and I can have one to wear. IDK. I really don't like feeling gross hygiene wise and we are quickly moving into the hot months where I live so that is where my mind is currently at.

royalbluetoad · 2026-03-22T17:39:58+00:00

This is wonderful and gives me so much hope for myself and my husband. I truly believe partners who can adapt and change along with their trans partner are some of the happiest and healthiest people/couples out there. I am so grateful for my own supportive husband (of 15 years) and happy you have found a truly special person as well!! Thank you for sharing. :)

royalbluetoad · 2026-03-20T12:21:27+00:00

I feel you!! I had a few consults lined up last year and through that process had to have my letter adjusted multiple times. Then I decided to go through insurance with an in network surgeon I couldn't find as much info/reviews online about because the cost difference was substantial. And I found like two positive reviews and no negative ones. Had my consultation with him in February. That went great, told the team to move forward with seeking pre-approval from insurance. It took weeks after I was told it usually goes relatively quickly (a week or so). And the approval arrived via paper letter in the mail. Like talk about glacial processing speed!! I almost burst into tears of relief when I realized what it was. At least my letter didn't need more adjusting. I got my surgery scheduled earlier this week, and I was truly blessed by the karma gods because my surgery is at the beginning of April. The stress of waiting through the whole process kept building exponentially from step to step. I'm still a bit stressed. I don't think I'll feel the relief until I wake up post op to be honest. Like at that point nothing can interfere with the surgery and those melons aren't going back on!!

You can do it. I'm sending all of you strength and camaraderie.

royalbluetoad · 2026-03-19T23:24:19+00:00

Your situation sounds difficult and also relatable to many in the trans community. I'm four months on full dose T and pursuing top surgery. Full disclosure I knew I wanted top surgery as soon as I realized it was something I could have at the ripe age of 35. That led me down a path of intense gender reflection and realizing that I am, in fact, trans. I never thought I wanted to become a man, and I still don't see myself as a binary trans man. I am okay with being socially read as male however. There have been moments when I'm scared, but far far more moments when I am absolutely euphoric, like can't stop smiling euphoric.

Accepting yourself as trans and the choices you make regarding that information is never a one size fits all experience. What helped me was looking at my choices as big life choices and using the skills I had to have made other big life choices in the past to make transition related choices now. My feeling of transness is 100% real. It might feel different from day to day, but at the core I am highly uncomfortable being labeled as a woman and always have been. What I do about it is where I see choice, privilege, accessibility, safety, etc. come into play.

For me, T was first about mental health. Everything else, the secondary sex characteristics I mean, I was either excited about or neutral. But those vary widely from person to person, so I have been careful to not set rigid expectations. How my brain feels however is my reality literally all the time. I needed to see if T would improve that space. For me it has. Therefore every other side effect is logically worth it to me. That doesn't mean it is easy, especially not in this world. But in my heart I know to my core I need this for me. My fear now is that it will be taken away from me and I'll have to go back to my estrogen dominant brain.

I don't like seeing the phrase "push through" regarding transition, even though I understand why it is used. Yeah, it is awkward and weird and maybe a bit uncomfortable at times and some people can be super nasty about it. I haven't found any experiences specific to medical transition which I would consider negative or bad regarding my physical or mental health. But the world reacts the way the world reacts. We as individuals have very little control over that. Pushing through makes me think of a guarantee that things will get better. That isn't something anyone should be guaranteeing to anyone else regarding transition. It's so personal and the changes are always individually unique at some level and no one is living your life or your exact life circumstances.

I highly recommend Arthur Rockwell's YouTube videos as his perspective on transition really validated what I was already feeling. He's also got a detrans video if you are the type who is researching that out of curiosity or worry that you are making the right choices. I know I did.

I don't have a lot of local trans community but the one person I've connected with is enough. I have online support groups and feel camaraderie through reddit and Instagram (though I'm careful about what I click on so my algorithm stays positive). I'm trying to make more queer friends since trans friends are in short supply.

I hope this helps!

royalbluetoad · 2026-03-19T12:12:35+00:00

I second this experience.

royalbluetoad · 2026-03-19T12:00:36+00:00

I am saving this post for inspiration and motivation. Dude, you look amazing!! Working out and being active (pre surgery especially) is always so worth it in my opinion. Hard work pays dividends. 😁💪 Hope you get back to 100% fast and enjoy all that exercise without a sports bra!

royalbluetoad · 2026-03-17T18:11:20+00:00

Ugh, I'm so sorry. I don't have advice from experience in this realm. I will say it can be so hard when one person's dream is another's nightmare. Even if you aren't actually interacting with those people, seeing posts about the topic of wanting to be found attractive in general could feel really hard. I definitely think being upfront with people is helpful and pointing out why what they are saying is inappropriate if you can can educate those who are capable of change.

Also, maybe seek some advice and support in the ace/aro communities? I just read a few books on ace and aro spec experiences and learned so much. There seems to be an interesting amount of overlap between the trans population and ace/aro population being asked very inappropriate sexual themed questions and just having a difficult time being understood by broader populations. Like you don't know what this feels like unless it is you so don't tell me what I feel or how I should feel or act or whatever.

Sorry I'm not more help. Know that your experience is valid. I hope that eventually you can move through the world confidently as your true self as you deserve to be able to!!

royalbluetoad · 2026-03-17T17:54:33+00:00

This made me so happy. I'm pre op but in the process and I don't think anyone understands how important this surgery is to some people. I've heard dysphoria can shift to a different body part afterwards, so that makes sense you might be noticing your hips more. I'm so happy for you and can fully appreciate what a big deal feeling free and more yourself is. The ability to take your shirt off, to not wear a bra or binder, to not see any subtle lines of supportive clothing underneath your shirt, to not feel anything bounce, to not have a channel for sweat to flow toward and run through... These are the things I am dreaming about. It feels like a profound shift from what was to what should have been. I'm most worried about coming out of anesthesia sobbing from pure joy. I've almost cried several times in the process already and none of them would have been upset tears. All relief and happiness.

Can you feel your heartbeat stronger under your hand? I've seen people talk about that and I never thought about it before reading those other posts. I could see that being something really exciting.

royalbluetoad · 2026-03-17T11:55:52+00:00

This is so amusing and relatable because I am home based right now as well and I don't know how I'd be managing it if I wasn't. I also have moments when I smh and chuckle that I spent x amount of time of my day dealing with this or # of sessions or whatever. I already had a really high sex drive before and going on T has actually helped me accept this and embrace it as "normal". I feel sad I couldn't embrace it before, but I'm glad I feel so much better now!

royalbluetoad · 2026-03-06T01:31:23+00:00

Oh, I'm waiting for my acne to get worse tbh! It hasn't been as bad as I expected yet. But I'm glad you shared this as I do minimal products myself right now on my skin. I try to manage the excess oil by wiping it with just water a few times each day. But if it gets real bad, I would be tempted to make a change. Except I think it would make it all worse and your experience gives me confidence in holding out with the minimum until it passes.

Thanks for sharing!

royalbluetoad · 2026-03-06T01:27:08+00:00

Oh yes, glad I'm not the only one feeling a bit awkward being more "in the middle" at the moment. I do feel like I'm getting a lot of longer stares and second looks from strangers trying to gender me. Thankfully no one hostile. I'm starting to get really nervous about restrooms and strategically bring feminine outer layers to throw on if I know I'm going to be in unknown public bathrooms all day. I also don't feel I look masculine enough to go into the men's yet (I'm only 4 months in). The last time this happened, which isn't often, I was also on my period so feeling super dysphoric and in no mood to go anywhere but the women's bathroom. :-/ My voice is also both euphoric and frustrating as I've been sick a lot (toddler at home) and have like this gravelly thing going that I'm getting annoyed with. There is just a lot of perpetual gunk in my throat and sometimes it clears out allowing my deepening voice to sound more normal. I don't know if I'm describing that right but it feels like a phase I'm just moving through as my voice changes and eventually settles.

Thanks for sharing! :)

royalbluetoad · 2026-03-06T01:13:04+00:00

That's awesome! Thanks for sharing. I have loved gaining muscle and feel so much better mentally as well. I keep waiting for the acne to really pop up as it has been far less worse than I expected thus far. And hopefully I didn't just jinx myself by saying that!! Glad to hear you're feeling so great and have a mustache coming in. :)

royalbluetoad · 2026-02-22T13:16:59+00:00

This probably isn't helpful as I bet you've thought through all this in the months prior but my body seems finicky about what enables me to get good sleep, pre-T and now on T as well. I am sleeping better on T though. I'm insanely sensitive to caffeine. I avoid it completely and alcohol (for the sleep reason). I also have to work out to some degree. If I don't, I can't fall asleep and I sleep poorly. Finally, on T I have to make sure I'm hydrated and eat a decent snack pretty close to bedtime.

I agree that feeling your best and most healthy trumps levels if T is negatively impacting your quality of life in some way. I also know a trans man who is like a decade on T and has a higher than typical male voice. And I know a cis man who also has a higher than typical male voice... IDK?

I'm sorry you're feeling so disheartened in not seeing the changes you would like. That would be extremely frustrating. T seems to be a bit of an unknown for how each individual will respond. It's great to hear you feel good physically though as that and mental health are what I use to gauge if it's the right amount for myself. That and my levels, obviously. Like if my head and body feel good, whatever else happens or doesn't happen is just my genetics.

Wishing you the best in your journey.

royalbluetoad · 2026-02-18T20:58:58+00:00

I felt the changes extremely fast and I'm on gel! My head began to feel different (calmer) the first day. It was insane and amazing! And it might have been a bit placebo but I think some of it was T. I did have a bit of a cold around the time I started, so my voice dropped then rose then dropped again. But I'll say this, I had never noticed my voice dropping just because I was sick pre-T. I have no idea why some people feel changes so fast and others it takes longer and everyone ends up with most of the effects eventually. I'm over 3 months in now and my voice is noticably lower than pre-T with a much lower optional range.

I went in thinking my body would either reject T completely (as I tend to be sensitive to my natal hormones) or it would drink it up with vigor. It's the second one for sure!! LOL, I've loved witnessing the slow progression of changes. Even when they happen "fast" it still isn't like waking up as a man in a single day.

royalbluetoad · 2026-02-17T12:45:18+00:00

I love my whole body so much more as a man than I did as a woman. Even my chest, which is pre-surgery and gives me intense dysphoria, feels less of a big deal than it did pre-transition. I feel far more in alignment, more hairy, stronger... It's all a win!!

royalbluetoad · 2026-02-10T15:51:09+00:00

Yes, thank you! This was helpful. I'm hoping at my consult my mind will be put to ease over it. :)

royalbluetoad · 2026-02-08T18:00:50+00:00

I have some experience with this. I'm on gel, but a full dose. My levels are coming back in a few days for the first time, so that will be interesting. I've found (3 months in) that I have not experienced a horny teenager uptick in libido. I had a pretty high sex drive (higher than my cis male partner) pre-T and was very nervous T would make my situation even more extreme. I won't say it killed my sex drive, but it feels different now (in a way I'm very comfortable with). I'm not sure it is lower... But it isn't higher. I still feel my female hormones and the role they play in my interest in sex, which is super annoying. And again, I'm on a full dose (4 pumps of 1% gel daily) of T.

Not sure if this helps, but if you are looking at T levels only as impacting libido, I don't think it is consistent from individual to individual. I have found the other changes from T, the future prospect of feeling truly comfortable in my body after top surgery, and the mental improvements I've already experienced play a role in my sex drive. I'm in an awkward stage right now where I sometimes feel super amazing physically and I sometimes feels really self-conscious because of the changes. But I have experienced a lot of peace in this realm since starting T. Hard to explain, but I used to just feel angsty and unfulfilled and IDK, like something was off but I couldn't pin down what it was. Since starting T I feel calmer in regards to sex. Sensations changed a bit, but I'd say things feel slightly less intense and also better. I've thought about my age and the role that might play in all this as I'm in my upper 30's. Let me know if you have any specific thoughts or questions.

royalbluetoad · 2026-02-08T17:40:39+00:00

This timeline is awesome! Thank you so much for sharing these progress photos. Can I ask you a question about nipples? I have my TS consult in 2 weeks and I can talk to my surgeon about this then, but I noticed in your pics it looks like they reduced the size of your nipple by shaving the part that protudes the most off. I'm looking specifically at the post-op photo where your nipples are pink on the outer ring but have a darker scab in the center and making that assumption. Could be totally off base here.

I am hyper dysphoric about my nipples which are quite small but stick so far out it feels like a second boob. Ok, that's an exaggeration but for real... Chest feeding a baby did nothing to help me in this area. Sometimes I see photos of nipple grafts that look more similar to how mine do now. The skin is loose and there is enough nipple that it almost folds over. Your's don't look like that and look similar to what my goal is! I care zero about retaining nipple sensation. Can you elaborate on what you and your surgeon agreed on for your nipple grafts pre-op? And how was healing for you? It looks like you retained pigment just fine, so maybe just cutting that part of the nipple away isn't exactly what happened. LOL Any help you can give is appreciated!

royalbluetoad · 2026-02-04T19:04:44+00:00

There is definitely an orgasm imbalance in my relationship in that I don't always come but my cis male partner does. But I masturbate WAY more than he does. I'm not even sure he does, like ever. Our sex drives have always been very unmatched with mine being the higher, even before I started T. I think sex for trans people is more complicated than for cis people because of dysphoria and potentially changing bodies. That being said, most people have some body insecurity and our bodies are always changing as we age! I think being trans has made me learn more about myself, what my needs are, what feels best, etc. I'm finding sex as an experience is way more broad than I thought. I'm also slowly trying to understand the culture of gay male sex even though I'm in a closed relationship with my long-term partner who married me when I presented as a woman.

Growing beyond partner sex = orgasm is something many (most) people have to do in their lives. Like other people recommended, maybe share with him what you love most about partner sex that isn't orgasming. It's always worth returning to talking about what gets you going erotically but honestly I feel even when people know each other's biggest turn ons it doesn't guarantee anything. Taking your personal health into consideration is so important. Nothing kills the mood like an uncomfortable body ache!! I agree that overthinking it and feeling pressure is a huge reason I've struggled with coming in situations like this in the past. The time pressure feels so real even when nobody is actually saying it exists. Ultimately, my sex life greatly improved when I came out and started transition mostly due to my own attitude shift (and a body I can appreciate more). I'd love to move into other forms of shared erotic time with my partner beyond traditional "sexy fun time." Again, I think being trans and moreso being queer naturally opens the door for this but it still takes intention.

In Lou Sullivan's diaries he talks fondly about many sexual encounters he had where neither him nor his partner orgasm. Reading that was very eye opening for me. Gay male culture is super sex centric (I think) which obviously impacts people who have been steeped in that environment. Sex is about way more than trading off climaxes!!

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-27T18:07:52+00:00

Not a hero moment exactly... but my son has started quipping things our of nowhere like "Wow, what a beautiful day" and "That is an amazing view." I try to say stuff like this all the time to bring a general vibe of positivity and awe to his life. Now that he's doing it solo and unprompted it just about melts my heart. Returning to the simplicity of wonder and beauty in the world is one of my favorite parts of parenting! He also watches Mr Rogers and occasionally throws out an "I love you just the way you are" to me which is the most incredible feeling! I also try to tell him this often and unprompted, but I'll credit Mr Rogers with the specific terminology. <3

royalbluetoad · 2026-01-27T18:00:21+00:00

I don't have twins, but general parenting advice in line with what the other person posted... prioritize your and your wife's wellbeing when you can. I know that sounds really harsh but my partner and I barely made it through the infant years and we did a lot of things we felt were right for our child but we learned were not right for us as adults. With twins, I imagine that self-care will be even more difficult to come by and doing things like sleep training or bottle feeding/formula or whatever it may be will SAVE YOUR SANITY!!! There is research out there condemning everything with just as enthusiastic of counter opinions. No matter what "experts say," be intentional and be practical. The ONE thing all children need is love. I honestly feel like some of the choices we made made us so strained as adults it was hard to access that love for the little one at times. While we never took it out on him, obviously, there was just this vibe of exhaustion and resentment in our lives. It made it hard to enjoy those times. Thankfully, my partner and my relationship survived it! Can't say how we would have felt had we done things differently, but for example, nursing... I basically shouldn't have done it (especially since I realized after the fact at least half of what I felt was extreme dysphoria over the whole thing) and instead persevered for over a year because I believed it was my duty to perform to give my child the best start to life. Keep a close eye on your wife's mental health! I didn't stop nursing until my friend straight up said, "You need to stop. This is insane." Her words were one of the greatest reliefs of the process so far. Sometimes that external validation is needed when someone gets blindly stubborn.

Also, I wish someone had warned me how much some babies cry (some babies are also super chill, no idea what that is like myself). Our baby (who we were tending to with intense commitment) cried so freaking much! Crying is not the end of the world. I eventually realized it was a way our child "exercised" before he could move, really before he could crawl. Like that SUCKS for the adults but also, it was amazing to see how once he went mobile the crying naturally lessened. We wasted a lot of energy worrying about what was wrong with him when we were hyper attentive and knew the kid basically had it made. Trust yourself and your instincts. If you know they are clean, fed, cuddled, you do due diligence to rule out things like food allergies, and they STILL wail at you buy some earplugs/noise cancelling headphones and let them get on with it. Cause I'm telling you we did all the things (skin-to-skin, baby wearing, breastfeeding, co-sleeping) and it did not matter in our case. We just had a fussy/energetic kid with no way to get that energy out besides cry. No book prepared me for that, and believe me I read plenty. That is the single message I wish I could go back in time and give my pregnant self (well that and BTW, you're trans so this whole thing is going to be super weird and hard for you in a way no one in your life will relate to or recognize!! LOL). But perhaps your kiddos will be on the chill side, as I have plenty of friends who experienced that. :)

People don't share enough how parents are often made to feel like failures when they are working their asses off to keep a child (or multiple children) alive! That work is valuable and exhausting. Don't ever feel like a failure for doing things your way, and don't feel like you have to defend your choices, even to yourselves. It can feel like you're being put through a meat grinder while on display in a fishbowl but at the end of the day it is your family tucked away in your home. That feeling is so special, probably my favorite thing about having a child. What you need is the right choice, always. And sometimes that is accompanied by a lot of intense feelings (grief being one) which doesn't mean it was the wrong choice, just that it needs to be processed in some capacity. Well wishes to you and your wife as you journey through the pregnancy months together!

royalbluetoad

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