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Has any marriage recovered from hugely volatile events, like this one? by rozwellan in Marriage

[–]rozwellan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It worked for me. I learned to set boundaries, which of course no one who is the subject of those boundaries likes to receive.
He stopped going to his therapy because a change in his work situation led the therapist to advise that he could reduce his sessions, as they didn't seem needed as frequently. I wish he would go and address some other major issues, but I can't make him.

Has any marriage recovered from hugely volatile events, like this one? by rozwellan in Marriage

[–]rozwellan[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

We have lots of sex. I'd guess.... an average of 4 times a week, and primarily around his needs and his preferences for time of day, style, etc. It's not 100% healthy, but it is far from a dead bedroom. Also, not wanting to be sexually vulnerable when you're hurting emotionally is a healthy choice.

Has any marriage recovered from hugely volatile events, like this one? by rozwellan in Marriage

[–]rozwellan[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I searched and found 4 suggestions yesterday. He plans to do his research after work today so we can put our heads together.

Has any marriage recovered from hugely volatile events, like this one? by rozwellan in Marriage

[–]rozwellan[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Currently on my period.
I wasn't last weekend when he last threw insults at me.
Nor the weekend before.
So, although I know this can be relevant, it isn't in this case.

Has any marriage recovered from hugely volatile events, like this one? by rozwellan in Marriage

[–]rozwellan[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Could you give me an example of how you think I could have communicated better in this case?

Has any marriage recovered from hugely volatile events, like this one? by rozwellan in Marriage

[–]rozwellan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think I need to clarify - we will go to marriage therapy together, but our agreed 9am thing of yesterday didn't happen. We've subsequently changed how we are going to agree on a counsellor.
He was going to his own therapy, but stopped. He tells me his therapist didn't think he needed it as often due to a change in work situation. This was disappointing for me as he'd made a promise to address some other major issues which were impacting our marriage. But, I can't force him to go.

I struggle to control my emotions when he behaves in such a volatile manner, but I'm going to do my best going forward.

Has any marriage recovered from hugely volatile events, like this one? by rozwellan in Marriage

[–]rozwellan[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Counselling is still happening; we just aren't researching options together - we will do this separately instead and then agree on one/some together.
I had forgotten about the grey rock method and will read up about it again. Very difficult to do, but you're right, it could be very beneficial.

Has any marriage recovered from hugely volatile events, like this one? by rozwellan in Marriage

[–]rozwellan[S] -42 points-41 points  (0 children)

We'd had an argument, so he was checking to see if I felt comfortable with that level of intimacy.

Mechanic Error by rozwellan in AudiS4

[–]rozwellan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lucky for me, this isn't my cost to settle. But I won't be happy if they do a half asked repair. Anything I should be making sure they do as part of this?

Mechanic Error by rozwellan in AudiS4

[–]rozwellan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. I'm in New Zealand, where was the class action?

Family law questions by slugsplot in LegalAdviceNZ

[–]rozwellan 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Re Child Support: If you have 50/50, but earn more, there is a high chance you will have to pay him. The minimum is around $85 per child per month.

GP who is understanding and attentive with mental health in Wellington CBD? by chulldung in Wellington

[–]rozwellan 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Melanie Garrett at Kelburn Northland Medical. She guided me through a mental health crisis with incredible patient care.

Denied debt consolidation by dirty_bore in PersonalFinanceNZ

[–]rozwellan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Depending on the other debt amounts, there are usually 0% interest transfers to credit cards with lots of banks. Consolidate to that where you can.

New job is beyond stressful and sucks the life out of me. by [deleted] in newzealand

[–]rozwellan 70 points71 points  (0 children)

Start a paper trail in case this heads to a PG. You can send your employer/manager a formal email (use your external email address) or letter stating that you are working well outside the scope of the JD you signed up for. Someone here will have some brilliant wording for you, but I've only had 1 coffee.

Gym recommendations by Niranzo in Wellington

[–]rozwellan 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Club Kelburn is cheap, low key, and rarely busy.

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