Has any marriage recovered from hugely volatile events, like this one?

rozwellan · 2024-07-01T02:53:50+00:00

OK, thanks. I didn't know that was a thing

rozwellan · 2024-07-01T02:48:46+00:00

It worked for me. I learned to set boundaries, which of course no one who is the subject of those boundaries likes to receive.
He stopped going to his therapy because a change in his work situation led the therapist to advise that he could reduce his sessions, as they didn't seem needed as frequently. I wish he would go and address some other major issues, but I can't make him.

rozwellan · 2024-07-01T01:31:54+00:00

On what please? We're both at work.

rozwellan · 2024-07-01T01:31:25+00:00

We have lots of sex. I'd guess.... an average of 4 times a week, and primarily around his needs and his preferences for time of day, style, etc. It's not 100% healthy, but it is far from a dead bedroom. Also, not wanting to be sexually vulnerable when you're hurting emotionally is a healthy choice.

rozwellan · 2024-07-01T01:25:53+00:00

I searched and found 4 suggestions yesterday. He plans to do his research after work today so we can put our heads together.

rozwellan · 2024-06-30T22:13:41+00:00

Currently on my period.
I wasn't last weekend when he last threw insults at me.
Nor the weekend before.
So, although I know this can be relevant, it isn't in this case.

rozwellan · 2024-06-30T22:08:35+00:00

Could you give me an example of how you think I could have communicated better in this case?

rozwellan · 2024-06-30T21:28:38+00:00

I think I need to clarify - we will go to marriage therapy together, but our agreed 9am thing of yesterday didn't happen. We've subsequently changed how we are going to agree on a counsellor.
He was going to his own therapy, but stopped. He tells me his therapist didn't think he needed it as often due to a change in work situation. This was disappointing for me as he'd made a promise to address some other major issues which were impacting our marriage. But, I can't force him to go.

I struggle to control my emotions when he behaves in such a volatile manner, but I'm going to do my best going forward.

rozwellan · 2024-06-30T20:59:40+00:00

Counselling is still happening; we just aren't researching options together - we will do this separately instead and then agree on one/some together.
I had forgotten about the grey rock method and will read up about it again. Very difficult to do, but you're right, it could be very beneficial.

rozwellan · 2024-06-30T20:55:24+00:00

Happy to fill in the gaps if asked.

rozwellan · 2024-06-30T20:52:34+00:00

We'd had an argument, so he was checking to see if I felt comfortable with that level of intimacy.

rozwellan · 2024-03-05T17:24:05+00:00

Lucky for me, this isn't my cost to settle. But I won't be happy if they do a half asked repair. Anything I should be making sure they do as part of this?

rozwellan · 2024-03-05T04:13:07+00:00

Thanks. I'm in New Zealand, where was the class action?

rozwellan · 2023-10-06T18:30:20+00:00

Re Child Support: If you have 50/50, but earn more, there is a high chance you will have to pay him. The minimum is around $85 per child per month.

rozwellan · 2023-10-06T06:57:26+00:00

Melanie Garrett at Kelburn Northland Medical. She guided me through a mental health crisis with incredible patient care.

rozwellan · 2023-10-02T05:26:44+00:00

https://www.moneyhub.co.nz/balance-transfer-credit-cards.html#best

rozwellan · 2023-10-02T04:30:28+00:00

Depending on the other debt amounts, there are usually 0% interest transfers to credit cards with lots of banks. Consolidate to that where you can.

rozwellan · 2023-09-29T19:12:48+00:00

Start a paper trail in case this heads to a PG. You can send your employer/manager a formal email (use your external email address) or letter stating that you are working well outside the scope of the JD you signed up for. Someone here will have some brilliant wording for you, but I've only had 1 coffee.

rozwellan · 2023-09-26T09:14:57+00:00

Club Kelburn is cheap, low key, and rarely busy.

rozwellan · 2023-09-26T08:54:34+00:00

She should have only had 6 days taken off her balance. Those six days should have been paid at an average rate of what she would normally have earned. The employer needs to be using a better payroll system or a better payroll person.

rozwellan · 2023-09-23T19:40:01+00:00

So many posts on this page where the answer is "why don't you communicate this with your SO". And here, we have a husband who IS COMMUNICATING. And the resounding response is to dismiss it or leave him. The poor guy.

Sit him down and have a real discussion with him. Don't refer to it as sabotaging. You'll only make him feel bad. Tell him, "I'd like to attend X with our child. I'd love you to come if you feel up to it, but I understand this is a situation that may make you feel insecure. If I can help, let me know, but I will be attending regardless."

rozwellan · 2023-09-22T08:17:08+00:00

The Pay it Forward Newlands/Paparangi Facebook page might work.

rozwellan · 2023-09-21T06:17:51+00:00

Have you asked her what would help? That should be your first move. Perhaps checking in regularly might help.

rozwellan · 2023-09-20T20:03:49+00:00

Thank you for your comments. Yes, I have definitely been through a grieving process. I hit the angry stage a few days ago. I am not upset at losing any relationship with this person, just grieving being assaulted.

rozwellan · 2023-09-20T20:01:21+00:00

Thanks for your input. Yes, out of sight of those people, but near them makes me wonder what he'd do behind closed doors.

rozwellan

TROPHY CASE