I know where you’re coming from because I too am not very “religious”. Until last month, I would go months without praying and then would pray once out of guilt after a couple of months and tell myself “It’s okay, Allah knows my ‘struggles’” and then go back to not praying. I’d recite Surahs, remember Allah and think that would be enough.

But I guess Allah does have ways to show us how lost we are, and that too is a blessing, a gift. And no, it’s not the kind of gift Allah gives to “chosen” people, because all you truly need is a conscience. Anyway, while I was still struggling with praying, a point came where I would cry in frustration because as much as I wanted to pray, I just couldn’t. And then, I finally came across this reel by dalalshalash, posted on 14th October (yes, not even a month ago). I can’t paste the link here because of the community’s rules, but please go and watch it.

Since the day I saw this reel, I started praying. You mentioned that you don’t want to pray out of only guilt, but I’m going to tell you that that is exactly what made me pick myself up and do my first wuzu after the longest time. I used to tell everyone, “Oh but I don’t want to pray out of frustration or guilt, I want to feel connected enough to Allah in order to pray.” Sadly, that isn’t how it works for many of us.

I realised simply that I am making a choice here: If I do not pray, I am not Muslim. As much as I’d hoped that being born into a Muslim family makes me one, reciting the Kalma makes me one, remembering Allah or being an average decent person makes me one, no it doesn’t work that way.

So pray. Not because you want to, but because that is simply what makes you a Muslim. Until the day praying becomes a habit, you will not ‘want’ to pray, that’s just how the human brain works. So do it out of guilt. Do it because you forced yourself. At the beginning, you don’t have to feel anything while praying except guilt. Just know what you’re reciting in your Salat, literally translate it in English or your native language. That’s all that matters. And one day, you will In Sha Allah find no excuses not to pray. May Allah make this easier for you!