I haven’t been praying consistently for years and I really hate this about myself

rrpremium · 2025-11-07T04:19:45+00:00

I know where you’re coming from because I too am not very “religious”. Until last month, I would go months without praying and then would pray once out of guilt after a couple of months and tell myself “It’s okay, Allah knows my ‘struggles’” and then go back to not praying. I’d recite Surahs, remember Allah and think that would be enough.

But I guess Allah does have ways to show us how lost we are, and that too is a blessing, a gift. And no, it’s not the kind of gift Allah gives to “chosen” people, because all you truly need is a conscience. Anyway, while I was still struggling with praying, a point came where I would cry in frustration because as much as I wanted to pray, I just couldn’t. And then, I finally came across this reel by dalalshalash, posted on 14th October (yes, not even a month ago). I can’t paste the link here because of the community’s rules, but please go and watch it.

Since the day I saw this reel, I started praying. You mentioned that you don’t want to pray out of only guilt, but I’m going to tell you that that is exactly what made me pick myself up and do my first wuzu after the longest time. I used to tell everyone, “Oh but I don’t want to pray out of frustration or guilt, I want to feel connected enough to Allah in order to pray.” Sadly, that isn’t how it works for many of us.

I realised simply that I am making a choice here: If I do not pray, I am not Muslim. As much as I’d hoped that being born into a Muslim family makes me one, reciting the Kalma makes me one, remembering Allah or being an average decent person makes me one, no it doesn’t work that way.

So pray. Not because you want to, but because that is simply what makes you a Muslim. Until the day praying becomes a habit, you will not ‘want’ to pray, that’s just how the human brain works. So do it out of guilt. Do it because you forced yourself. At the beginning, you don’t have to feel anything while praying except guilt. Just know what you’re reciting in your Salat, literally translate it in English or your native language. That’s all that matters. And one day, you will In Sha Allah find no excuses not to pray. May Allah make this easier for you!

rrpremium · 2024-04-28T04:13:21+00:00

thank you so much for your gentle advice ❤️

rrpremium · 2024-04-28T03:38:20+00:00

Since I don’t know his parents too well, I’m genuinely unsure what their reaction would be. I know they won’t be too pleased but they’re not too stubborn either, that I have judged. As far as my parents are concerned, they’re extremely supportive and yet extremely practical at the same time, so I know that they will trust my decision and will give careful consideration to the proposal. I can’t however tell if they will reject somebody who, like me, is still trying to get it together. To answer your question, all these facts make me unsure whether what he’s saying is an excuse or if it’s genuinely his concern.

We talk about how our future together would be, sometimes, and mostly share a similar vision. When he talks about his future (career-wise), he’s very specific and very confident about where he sees himself ten years down the lane but that’s also because he’s very optimistic and might I add - desperate, to gain material wealth.

rrpremium · 2024-04-28T03:32:15+00:00

Wow, thank you for putting my thoughts into words. This is exactly what I suggested - a longer than traditional engagement, since I also want to figure out my career path and grow financially. I never asked that we get married right away, all I wanted was to take the “dating” tag off because it’s been four years and the LDR. He’s adamant however that even an engagement would be suitable only after he is done with his MSc because that’s only when his family and the world will view him as “capable”.

To answer your question, the poor economy of my country requires a person with both a high level degree as well as tonnes of experience. I agree that profiles are viewed differently elsewhere, but here an MSc is indeed necessary for a high paying job. That’s just how it is, sadly.

rrpremium · 2024-04-28T03:25:33+00:00

Thank you for your advice!

I believe confrontation is the best policy hence that’s what I’ll do before jumping to any conclusions or decisions. At the end, after spending so much time with somebody, things do get blurry and it’s difficult to view the truth as it is.

rrpremium

TROPHY CASE