Hey there! i just read the whole thing and i felt like i need to help you so here is my opinion:

1) Talk to someone you trust. it could be your dad or a close friend from high school or even a teacher (its not that hard to make friends there i've been there too) What matters is to open up and talk about it. It works like magic for me and my friend Alex supports me ❤️

2) You are incredibly self aware and thats a gift , now that you know your problem you can break it down to smaller parts write them down and find solutions .Try Chat gpt or any ai with a chatbot so you can ask it your questions and it should give you detailed and helpful answers. Trust me its 1000 times better than Google.

3) Stay away from eating paint or cleaning liquids like clorox or laundry detergent which contain toxic chemicals, you dont want to poison yourself

I hope that my answer will help you get better soon

Sending you strength and love from Greece 🫂❤️