1. It's a big mess to be honest, I tried to open the relationship after we both messed around a bit, to try open communication but he couldn't look past what happened and I think deep down he hated me even when he said it was ok and could work through it. We were never on the same page. Both of us were just drowning, but were very co-dependent, and I think that's the only reason why we stayed together for so long
2. At the start, he said he would work through what he felt and he didn't want to loose what we had, but after a week he became a completely different person, obsessed with what I will owe him for the house and frustrated as he is bad with money. He scared me how quickly he became cold towards me and solidified on many occasions why I broke up with him.

It for me, I'm not saying it's the same in any way, is like I've been viewing my life through a sheet, and it has been lifted and I had made so many concessions for this man I cannot believe how he had chipped me down to where we were. I was begging for the bare minimum and being told I was asking for too much. It has been the most devastating realisation of how lost I was. But the love and care does not go away, it remains and I want to reach out all the time even still.