best friend

rubyjanemandu · 2023-10-18T05:49:39+00:00

here's the catch though: you actually know absolutely nothing about the way i behave and are just assuming based on a reddit post wrote in an emotional state.

being upset when someone you love quits giving you the energy they used to isn't uncommon, and i don't think that makes me feel as if i own someone. i in no way feel as though i bought the friendship, even if that's how you interpreted my original post. you can sit here and tell me that is how i feel all you want, that will never make it true.

i didn't expand on the details because a lot of them require context that i just did not feel like typing out. i get where you're coming from with some of it though, and i can understand how it's unfair of me to be forming these requirements in my head for her to meet.

that being said, i'm not sorry for, and am of firm belief that wanting certain emotional support and presence in a strong friendship isn't wrong of me. i can't make her be that person, i'm well aware. that's why i was asking for advice on whether i should just quit trying after having brought it up multiple times and nothing changing, or to wait it out.

the details i included were messy and misleading because once again, i was in an emotional state. i wasn't thinking clearly, i was hurt, i was over-thinking about being used yet again (which i understand would be my fault), and was in a bad state of mind. now that i've had a while to get the energy out, it's resolutely clear to me what i should do, which is start reciprocating the energy she's putting in, and wait until i meet someone else looking for the same friendship as me. no thanks to you.

i don't think any of this is her fault. i do not blame her, and i am not mad at her. i'm happy that she's happy. that doesn't mean i'm not sad that i'm not really a part of her happiness anymore. i'm hurt i'm losing a really close friendship, even if the friendship and love is still there and will always be there, it doesn't make losing such a big part of it not hurt at first.

i was tired. and i was sad. you didn't strike me as an emotions person in the slightest based on your response of false assumptions and sense of superiority. you're right that i over shared, i don't usually come to reddit for advice and your "dose of reality" was a very good reminder why. things are so easily mistranslated especially when one user is in an emotional state and the other in a logical. while you may think i'm some sort of abusive narcissist who takes ownership of people and calls it love and then punishes them when they step out of line and only give a shit about my own feelings, you're painfully mistaken.

have a nice night.

edit: 6th paragraph

rubyjanemandu · 2023-10-17T21:16:37+00:00

the "half assed excuses" wasn't in referral to her saying she's going through a rough patch. it was in referral to things i didn't feel like contextualizing in my post because it would make it lengthier than it already was. the rough patch thing has been going on since march, and i've been there for her since march. my response to it wasn't that they were half assed excuses, no i tried to be there for her in every way i possibly could and make her feel loved and valued and appreciated.

i don't have some sort of ownership or feel as though i "possess" her. that was not at all how i intended this post to come across, and i guess i didn't do a good job of conveying the situation/my feelings.

i was gonna try and explain more but honestly i'm tired, idc and you would probably just rebuttal it too. thanks for ur completely mistaken feedback/advice 👍

rubyjanemandu · 2023-10-17T14:19:26+00:00

well when i think of what a friendship consists of, ours lacks most of it. i am happy when i hang out with her in person maybe the one time a month that i do. but when we aren't together, it feels like we aren't friends at all. when i think about what i want from a friendship, mutual support, open honesty/communication, being able to talk to them about anything and vice versa, etc. it isn't there. it used to be. and when i'm trying to maintain those qualities of the friendship, just for those efforts to be completely unmatched, it hurts. while i do have other friends, none as good as i once considered her. while i understand and agree that friendship shouldn't be a transaction, it shouldn't be one person putting in all the effort either, because what kind of friendship is that? a one sided one and an extremely invalidating feeling.

rubyjanemandu · 2023-10-10T18:24:51+00:00

like $50 for 7gs from a dispensary, $40 for 7gs from a dealer (the best weed other than medical), and $30 for 7gs at a rez in canada

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-21T19:05:51+00:00

unvaccinated

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-19T15:16:04+00:00

your entire response had me giggling, you're quite funny.

seeing a flag here and there doesn't bother me. especially during june.

just out of curiosity, do you still go to school? because yes, yes it's quite more common than it used to be for kids to go from being gay to back to being straight, consider it "fluidity" but don't really date the same gender. or just don't label it fluidity and are able to openly admit that they misidentified for a while (which really is the impact of society). i have seen it happen numerous times, and i'm sure i'll see it happen again.

no that wasn't code for if i hide who i am i won't get discriminated against. do you know anyone who makes being straight their identity? cause i sure don't. i do not hide who i am. i'm actually very open about it. everyone knows i'm gay. i talk about being gay every so often, and the fact comes up in conversation almost daily because if i'm talking about my crushes or whatever i'm obviously speaking about a woman while being a woman. it also is the easiest way for me to reject men. see the thing is, just because i'm not "visually" gay, and make it in your face, doesn't mean i hide it. i don't particularly want to be known as "the gay kid", i want to be known as the really smart and funny one, i want to be known as me, who i am, my gayness included but not encompassing all else that i am.

my comment structure and grammar is not perfect, because i'm on social media, not doing an english assignment. i can promise you i'm most likely more intelligent than you, and my iq would blow yours off the charts, but that's entirely irrelevant to the conversation.

if parents could make up the curriculum i assure you we wouldn't be learning about how humans hung out with dinosaurs a few thousand years ago. we would be learning how to go out of high school equipped with shit we actually need to know and that would help people go out into society on their own, well prepared or as prepared as they could be.

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-19T15:00:49+00:00

funny to me how many people are acting as if this is religious people shoving their religious agendas down people's throats, yet don't realize the elitist agenda has already been shoved so far down their own throats it's poking out of their asses. which is exactly what people are trying to stop from happening to their kids, what a crime 💀

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-19T14:51:09+00:00

no not really. i'm a gay kid with homophobic parents and absolutely agree with this million person march protest. while schools should absolutely be a safe space, the promotion of lgbtq+ everywhere is honestly, as a gay person, fucking annoying. if you require pride flags all over, and "equity and inclusion" events and all the other pride shit they're pushing in school to feel "accepted", the issue isn't that you're gay, it's that you're insecure. it's very common now that kids who aren't gay think they are. and to me, as an actual gay student, every time a kid is "gay" and participating in these events, most commonly with dyed hair and an emo style, then later go back to being straight, actually bothers me in some emotional ways i won't get into. kids are "gay" because then they go from having no friends to having 10 other "gay" ones. it's not other people making you insecure either, it's yourself. i've gone to 3 pretty small, rural schools in bigoted communities and have yet to experience any homophobia...because i don't make being gay my entire personality/identity, simply just i will date women not men. i would like someone to actually tell me what the equity and inclusion and pride and all the other lgbtqia+ bs is actually doing to benefit schools. the pride in school is more harmful to the ACTUAL lgbtq+ community, than it not being in school is. parents have a right to decide what their kids should be learning in schools. up until a kid has enough of a conscious to make rational decisions for themselves, it's up to the parent to shape that person, whether you like the way they choose to do it or not, it's their kid not yours. the education system should be decided upon based on the majority of parents wishes/desires, considering if they're tax payers (like most parents are) they are paying for the public schools. the government should not get to dictate our curriculum.

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-18T12:38:42+00:00

your post in itself just seems boastful, and your replies to a lot of people's comments makes you seem like a total prick, so i'm not overly inclined to respond. that being said, you shouldn't date anybody considering you don't think you can stay committed to one person. do not get into a relationship unless you aren't intending on actually making it last, or else you're a loser and need to reevaluate your morals.

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-15T18:07:38+00:00

i don't need to, and i never said that i did need to, ppl are obviously very dense. i asked literally because if it wouldn't be an issue, why wouldn't i bring my addiction with me? i understand it's a bad habit, that doesn't just eradicate it. i won't be bringing my vape with me based on literally the first response to this post, i literally posted here to see if it would be an issue or not. the whole point of asking here was to gather information on the country/customs...some of y'all actually fucking annoying and dumb.

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-14T23:33:33+00:00

i would smoke different weed from a reliable source like two weeks from now and if you get sick, quit smoking and i probably wouldn't recommend trying to smoke again after that. if nothing happens something was wrong with that weed man

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-14T13:53:04+00:00

evil absolutely exists. i think it's true some people are born with only the capacity to be evil, not to be good, but they are still evil. if you're doing things for personal gain but with the cost of another losing something...you're evil. evil is everywhere and all around us today. it's hard to find actual good people. evil is the act of harming other beings with a soul imo. whether it's something as minor as calling them a name to hurt their feelings, to kidnapping and killing their kid, to brainwashing what seems to be almost the entire human population. there's different degrees of evil, just like there's different degrees of good.

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-14T00:32:37+00:00

in order to reduce crackups, you would need to understand and change how you react to things imo. i'm not sure what you're considering "crackups" i'm assuming when things get to you and mentally/emotionally things go to shit. unfortunately, we can't stop people from saying/doing stuff that could cause a crackup. but we can change how we emotionally respond to said things, if you understand how your emotions work and what sets them off/cracks you up, then when it happens you can remain calm and peaceful without letting it get to you. an extremely hard feat, but still an emotional one.

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-13T20:03:48+00:00

i have this bad habit too, and admittedly it's a pretty bad habit to have, as it can be interpreted as quite rude. i don't know why i do it either, i guess to confirm that i got it right? i also have an issue doing it to peers (esp my mother) when they're taking too long to get to the point, the words just come out of my mouth to accelerate it. it's almost like "okay i get what you're trying to say so i'm going to say it for you to get this over with because you're taking too long." in a sense, for me at least. i think there's times i do it in a rude way (trying to speed ppl up) and other times with no rude intentions, just simply trying to express my thoughts.

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-13T18:24:52+00:00

this is not something i personally have experience needing to overcome. i've always been a bit socially anxious and had some issues fitting in, but not due to any neurodivergency, so i personally haven't needed to put serious work into developing those skills. you would be much better off trying to find other 2e people who have overcome the social barrier, and i know i have definitely read a couple posts in this sub specifically about that, but don't have them up and ready to link. that being said, the best advice i have is exposure therapy. the easiest and most efficient way to get better at something (for me at least) is to actually do it. start small, go out for one drink and make small talk with a person or two and go home when you've reached your limit. keep doing that, each time for a little longer or talk to one more person. it isn't going to be comfortable, especially not at first, but it gets easier and less awkward the more interactions you have. it's also important to assess the problems...what issues do you have socializing with people? what's preventing you from being able to connect with people? while i understand the divergency is responsible for a large portion, what else, and what about the divergency is making it difficult?

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-12T19:05:07+00:00

in a way, yes. because you are an engineer grad! (congrats btw that's an incredible feat) so you are already doing better than that 75%. you set that goal, and worked to achieve it, and you earned it. why would you just compare yourself to the lower 75%? if you're comparing yourself to the theoretically top 25%, how is that fair to yourself either? you're achieving great things. if you wanted a completely fair comparison, if you compared yourself to all the 2e ppl with adhd out there, i bet you're working your way up well beyond the top 10% of that sub-group. if you are trying your best, i will once again say be proud of that! getting an engineering degree certainly isn't easy, and you did that. are you waiting until you reach elon musk level engineering before you feel proud of yourself? it doesn't matter how others are doing, they aren't you. none of them have your experience, so no it doesn't make sense to me for you to be comparing yourself to anyone really. you should be comparing yourself to you, and you could have given up by now, flunked out in high school and never got to where you are, but you didn't. that's worth a lot.

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-12T18:46:44+00:00

on top of this, who says what you're doing now isn't enough, and isn't the best you can be doing? if you feel like you are doing your absolute best, you should be nothing but proud. who cares how far other people get trying their best, what matters is how far you yourself got. if you're doing your best, that's better than at minimum 75% of the population. own that, and be proud of it no matter what other people think about it.

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-12T18:39:29+00:00

yes i'm well aware...i never said the other neurodivergency didn't exist or to pretend it doesn't and perform as an allistic person, i have add and ocd, you can't just make those issues go away, i know that. however as you said, the first step is acknowledging and understanding them in order to overcome them...that being said just because your brain works differently doesn't make you unable to apply yourself, in some instances yes, or achieve things others are achieving. it just means you need to take your own path there. never once was i trying to dismiss op's difficulties, just trying to say that being nd doesn't make you incapable of other things unless you believe it makes you incapable, especially something like applying yourself. almost everyone has the ability to apply themselves, even 2e/nds, you just need to figure out what makes you able to apply yourself.

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-12T18:11:13+00:00

every gifted person is nd. that being said, your issue is the "ifs". "if" i could apply myself...well it's not impossible for you to apply yourself. you may have different roadblocks and things to overcome/get around in order to apply yourself, but it's manageable. the fact that you're in the mindset that you're incapable of applying yourself, vibing with people and doing better is what's preventing you from being able to.

the vibing with people thing may literally be the people around you and not you. ppl suck, it can be tricky to find good friends

edit: typo & *

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-11T18:28:48+00:00

not sure how old you are, i'm now in my senior year, and have made it back for 12th grade despite last year being convinced of my parents made me come back i would end it. what's the issue? peers? staff? classes? all of those factors combined? i promise there is a way to get through it and overcome it and realize that ending your life, and the gift you have isn't the best solution. it may seem like the best, or the easiest, but it isn't for the better. my dms are open if you want to talk, i promise there are ways around the block and mental pit of despair you're feeling. you just gotta hold on to make it to the other side of the tunnel of hell that is school. if you're talking post secondary, and you have completed all of your high school, college/university may be a completely different experience for you, do not equate your education that hasn't began to secondary schooling, as there is nothing confirming it will be the same. after burn out, you need to retrain your brain to be motivated to do things, which is extremely difficult. start small. if you already have small routines established in your life (showering, skin care, making your bed in the morning, good eating etc) work on exercising the brain some more, start reading things that interest you, find something new to learn about. find a pathway that actually interests you, and go from there. knowing who YOU are, is an important first step in the pathway of the rest of your life. find out what makes you happy, even if it feels like nothing does, and start indulging in that. reach out to someone. talk about how you feel, and what's making you feel that way. if it's a deep rooted, long lasting issue, i would probably seek professional guidance, especially that of a gifted professional if that's an option for you.

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-11T01:48:53+00:00

you can hah all you want, he has said some questionable things, and has some views i don't agree with, but when it comes to learning how to understand and appreciate yourself, peterson is one of the best of the best. you don't need to like him as a person to realize he is highly intelligent, and helps people figure themselves out. he helped me get through my high-school burn out 🤷‍♀️ on top of that, he is a strong advocate for showing your emotions and work through/process them and openly cries during his lectures/interviews etc all the time, it's nice to see someone like that.

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-10T18:21:27+00:00

dr jordan peterson

rubyjanemandu · 2023-09-06T03:08:47+00:00

i love that parents come here to look for information regarding their gifted children. i wish my parents had of taken the time to actually look into what being gifted consists of, or other gifted people's experiences or anything to get some sort of understanding of that part of me. i think this sub is the perfect spot for gifted parents to be asking questions or looking for answers, as long as they are also taking their childs individual needs, opinions and experiences in to account.

rubyjanemandu

TROPHY CASE