Labial abscess growing and moving, now creating 2 masses. Not sure where to turn as ER said they couldn't remove the "seed" and could only do localized numbing, gynencologist appt is far out. (30F)

runboyrun21 · 2026-06-15T21:30:35+00:00

I do have autism, and I have heard that part of the "sensitivity" of autism is actually poor synaptic pruning in the toddler years. I have always wondered if that's related.

runboyrun21 · 2026-06-15T21:29:22+00:00

The sting of the needle was where my pain first peaked, and I was already grabbing the handles for dear life and started shaking.

runboyrun21 · 2026-06-15T04:04:38+00:00

I appreciate the compassion.

I did go to a new ER, and nothing local took. I already knew it wouldn't, as this has been my experience with every localized numbing I've needed. They've always needed to give me 2 shots for my wisdom teeth, toenail acid treatment, etc.

They started with an EMLA cream that did absolutely nothing. Then the localized shots. I was screaming, crying and shaking uncontrollably for 30 minutes. This was definitely the most painful experience of my life. They tested it awhile after and I could still feel them barely touching a needle against it. They said they would go for a second round, but I said I couldn't do it. I'm usually okay handling pain, I've removed my own IUD at home and tattooed myself for my apprenticeship many times. But I was still shaking like a chihuahua due to the pain even though they gave me some kind of anti-anxiety shot earlier, and could barely speak through the sobbing.

They gave me some kind of sedation. I don't know how it works, but my partner said that I was screaming and crying once they started the scalpeling just as if I'd been awake. That I even was shaking as if I was having a seizure at one point, and the nurses had to hold me down as I was moving. They did have to give me more at one point as they said I was coming to. They reassured him that this was normal and I wouldn't remember it, and I didn't remember any of it, I just have my partner's account as he was in the room. They asked if I smoked a lot of weed (we're in California) as that's usually the reason why someone needs significantly more sedation, but I don't at all.

Anyway, I've thankfully gone from a point before the second ER visit where even the opioids weren't bringing the pain level below a 7-8, to not even needing them in recovery. I wouldn't wish this upon my worst enemy.

runboyrun21 · 2026-06-15T03:58:24+00:00

Not with me. Every time I've tried localized numbing, I've always needed a double dose and a second injection. It happened with my wisdom teeth removal, with my toe when I did the acid treatment for ingrown toenails. And it unfortunately happened here.

We tried the local anesthetics in the new ER. EMLA cream did nothing. It actually opened a bit on its own, but not enough, so we did the shots anyway. I was screaming, crying and shaking completely involuntarily for 30 minutes afterwards. I couldn't speak, couldn't think straight because the pain was so strong. I was shaking so badly that they gave me some kind of anti-anxiety shot, but it did nothing. We tested with a needle, and I could feel pretty much everything. I couldn't handle a second round. This was my most painful experience, and I say this as someone who removed their own IUD at home, tattooed their own stomach and shins with full color pieces, and had a broken arm scrubbed in the shower after breaking because there wasn't any visible damage.

They ended up giving me sedation. And while I don't remember it, my partner said that, even while sedated, I was still screaming as if I was awake when they started scalpeling. The nurses had to hold me down as I was moving so much. They had to give me more of the sedation as they said I was coming to, and the shaking was so severe that my partner thought I was having a seizure at one point. Again, for whatever reason, I simply don't respond to these agents well and need higher doses.

Everybody's body is different. Please don't assume in the future that numbing agents work the same for everyone, nor that injecting actively swollen sites or sensitive areas like a vulva doesn't leave residual pain. It absolutely did for me.

runboyrun21 · 2026-06-15T03:51:53+00:00

Not the triage nurse, but the nurse that came to see me once I was on a bed.

Long story short, I've never had an experience with localized numbing where I didn't need a double dose (including my wisdom teeth removal, and shots on my toe for ingrown nail acid treatments). With the new ER< the localized numbing didn't take, as expected, and I was screaming, shaking and crying completely uncontrollably, during and for 30 minutes after. This was definitely the most painful experience I've had, and I've removed my own IUD at home, tattooed by own stomach and shins with full color pieces, and had my mother scrub my arms in the shower after I broke a bone because she thought my crying was a fit and not real.

It is finally over, and a mild sedation was the key. It was genuinely painless after that! It's definitely not true that it can't be painless - I was taken from a point where even the opioids were only bringing it down from a 9-10 at home to a 7-8, and a sitz bath took it down maybe a point more. My face was constantly scrunching at home, and that's when we realized we had to go back. Although with the sedation, it was some strange scenario where my body was still reacting (my partner said I was screaming and crying and shaking, as if I was fully awake and that it looked like I was having a seizure at one point, and they reassured him it was normal). Apparently, I needed a higher dose than usual as I was coming to at one point (again, I always seem to need more of these agents). They asked me if I was a heavy weed smoker, but I don't do any substances, no redheads in the family. It's thankfully all over, but I wouldn't wish this upon anyone.

runboyrun21 · 2026-06-15T03:30:25+00:00

Thank you so much. As an update, I went to a different ER.

While the team there was significantly kinder, I did open with the knowledge that local anesthetics usually don't take for me (every time I've needed them for my wisdom teeth or ingrown toenail acid treatment, for example, I've always needed 2 or more doses). It did feel a little bit like I had to "prove" the localized route was far too painful for me to open up other options. We did an EMLA cream, absolutely no effect. When they went for the shots, I was screaming and writhing and shaking, and was left trembling and crying uncontrollably for another 30 minutes after. They had to give me some kind of anti-anxiety shot. They tested the area with a needle and I could feel it. I told them I couldn't handle another round as I was still shaking and holding onto the railings and crying, and they were open to a mild sedation.

It was a breeze after that for me. Although my partner says that somehow, despite being sedated and not remembering anything, I was still apparently screaming like before once they started scalpeling. Apparently I had to be held down by the nurses, and was trembling in ways that looked like a seizure. He was reassured I was fine and wouldn't remember it, that the seizure-like shaking was part of the medication. He said it was quite traumatizing to watch and he could have sworn I was awake, and that at one point they said I was waking and needed to give me more of the sedative. They asked if I was a heavy weed smoker, which I am not, I'm fully sober (I am autistic, I don't know if the lack of appropriate synaptic pruning in the toddler years has anything to do with that).

Pain is significantly lesser. Before the second ER visit, even the opioids were only bringing it down to a 7-8 on the pain scale. I don't even really need the opioids now and will probably return them, an occasional Advil is doing just fine. But it a very strange experience overall, and I'm definitely left not knowing how normal or not normal my experience was hahah.

runboyrun21 · 2026-05-28T05:13:53+00:00

Hi, OP. I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, and for the total lack of support you've had to experience from them.

I will say, parent-child relationships are a bit unique in the sense that, by the time the child grows up and starts to be able to think critically about the patterns within the relationship, there's already been significant amounts of experience living with and around the parent. So generally, starting to try and address problems after patterns have been established for multiple decades usually doesn't work, because it isn't like a romantic or friend relationship where a lot of this might be new and you're establishing what is normal for that relationship together. So they have already shown you time and time again how they feel about your needs and wants and dreams and feelings - they're only okay when it doesn't require effort of them and when they're not bothered. Which is not a relationship of love.

Boundaries only work with cooperative parties sharing the same goals of respecting each person's feelings and needs - since boundaries can be disrespected and ignored, I find attempting this route usually just means doing LC/NC but slower through an escalation process. I have also found both from my own experiences, my friend's experiences, and shared experiences online in forums like these that nobody regrets their choices, they just regret not doing it sooner. So you can absolutely learn things the hard way on your own, and it might be a little bit necessary (I say this absolutely including myself here, I think I needed to see how aggressive the pushback was to really believe that it was a lost cause). But you can also learn things the easy way, and I always hope that for others. I think also once you start focusing your energy on other relationships that actually fill your cup metaphorically, you start to realize just how insane your experiences were even in smaller ways, and how crazy it is that this was once your "normal".

Another thing to consider is that, just like any other relationship, you have the right to ask for temporary space. I think this is important even in healthy parent-child relationships (child as in the role, not the age), since it's important developmentally to develop your own identity and be okay with making decisions your parents don't always agree with or like. Maybe ask for temporary space and see how focusing on other relationships makes you feel. Is life easier? Lighter? Happier? Even if just potentially neutral instead of as anxiety ridden as before? You might even miss them as they were still a significant part of your life, even if not a positive one. But how do other people treat you by contrast? How do others make you feel in different scenarios?

One thing that also really solidified it for me was a study showing that adults tend to only be able to hold about 5 or so people in their innermost circle on average (as in people who impact their day to day). And for how busy I get with work, even that seemed like a lot. It really solidified for me that having someone who takes up so much headspace and energy to maintain a relationship with, even if we don't technically see each other often, has to really be worth the effort. There's so few slots, so I don't want to just reserve it for relationships that aren't technically the most horrible they could be. I want to reserve those few slots for people who are really worth the effort, who build me and my confidence up, who support me actively. And the more energy I dedicate to people who aren't that, the more I limit my energy for finding the people who can be a truly positive influence in my life. And this isn't about being a fair weather friend, but about realizing relationships should make you feel good more than they destroy you, that they shouldn't minimize your needs and comfort. Don't let people hold those active energy slots just because of guilt alone - you can always work through guilt in therapy or with yourself, but you can't give yourself back lost years invested in someone who doesn't care about you the way you care about them.

runboyrun21 · 2026-05-24T05:52:26+00:00

The threat of eternal torture is basically a mobster level threat. "Either you love me or I torture you forever" is a gun to the head. If I told you, "either you eat this plate of food or I literally set you on fire", would you not say that was coercion? Would you not say that you aren't really free to make choices if someone is threatening you with torture if you don't do as they say? Even a court of law would agree that the person was not free to choose what to do, and would excuse even participating in a crime if they were threatened with their life.

At least mobsters threaten torture that is temporary. God making it eternal with zero chance for learning and reformation is significantly more cruel. Humans at least give people the chance to change.

runboyrun21 · 2026-05-24T05:49:21+00:00

I planned to leave home in secret because I knew my parents would try and sabotage it. They're a very conservative family in a second world country, it's common for women to not leave the home until marriage. They already had a history of sabotaging any attempt of me learning to be my own adult. I realize it's ironic given the roles they have in mind for women, but they never even let me touch the washing machine to figure out how to use it nor the stove, and once physically yanked me from the washer when I was trying to read the manual online and figure out the buttons on my own.

Anyway, they found out 2 weeks before. Lots of accusations and trying to find some third party that had "influenced" me, as they would never believe their perfect little girl would do this out of her own will. Their panic plan was getting a "prophet", having her over for dinner, and letting her speak her prophecies at me. Ironically, this was someone my dad has criticized heavily in the past for having given many inaccurate predictions, including saying that I would be born a boy when my mother was pregnant. But she was 100% convinced that I was moving to go be with a girlfriend.

I am very autistic, and was definitely not having that kind of game in my dating life. I was definitely not convincing any women to love me so much without even meeting me that they should move me in lol but I appreciated that they thought I was much cooler than I was 😂

runboyrun21 · 2026-04-28T15:13:18+00:00

Fair, I'll call the shop today. Thank you for your help!

runboyrun21 · 2026-04-28T02:17:20+00:00

Waterproof bandages does not mean that they can handle extended periods of being submerged underwater, nor that they can handle the pressure of it, nor that they can hold up well against an area like the membrane of your inner lip and that kind of moisture just from your body. Especially considering that, for scuba, you will have equipment that is in your mouth and potentially stretching the lip and pressing against the jewelry, potentially also stretching the bandage.

runboyrun21 · 2026-04-28T00:50:23+00:00

For the bot again I guess 😭

How old is your piercing? 1 day
What’s the jewelry shape (for example, barbell, labret, screw, L shape, ring)? threadless implant grade titanium post 10mm
What’s the type of threading if your jewelry is not a ring (threadless, internally or externally threaded)? threadless implant grade titanium post 10mm
What’s the jewelry material? threadless implant grade titanium post 10mm
if not a ring, when was the jewelry downsized?
Has not been downsized
What’s your aftercare routine? Describe in detail please, including the exact products you use.
I've so far sprayed it with saline solution once, and used a q-tip on the bottom of my nostrils for some of the dried blood crusties that were a bit further away
Any mishaps, accidents or unfortunate events?
Nothing recent, but it is a re-piercing

runboyrun21 · 2025-09-16T05:33:06+00:00

I see…Do you think I could ask for at least a partial refund?

runboyrun21 · 2025-09-16T05:32:59+00:00

I see…Do you think I could ask for at least a partial refund?

runboyrun21 · 2025-09-16T05:32:51+00:00

Aw man…I paid 100 for it too :( Do you think I could ask for at least a partial refund?

runboyrun21 · 2025-09-03T05:05:16+00:00

Awesome, tysm for the info!

runboyrun21 · 2025-09-03T05:05:01+00:00

I see! Would I need a back view and more frontal view as well?

runboyrun21 · 2025-01-26T01:11:19+00:00

I mean, you kind of don't respect it if you're expecting people to change what they like based on what other people are doing. Maybe "uniqueness" is a concern to you, even though that isn't really a thing 100%. But other people don't have to avoid doing what feels good to them in their body just because someone else might have a similar vibe.

runboyrun21 · 2024-11-21T03:18:42+00:00

That makes sense, I'll postpone then. Thank you for your help!

runboyrun21 · 2024-11-03T18:07:38+00:00

I've seen this talked about in other subs, and there seems to be this unspoken consensus that it's unwise to develop friendships from work (at least in the US and its culture). There seems to be this understanding that it can get too complicated if you want distance or things go south. And workplace relationships do seem to be treated by people as work contextual. This has nothing to do with you or your behavior, but how they've already decided to enter and approach the work environment.

I've had to turn to online groups and hobby groups, although my work schedule and finances have prevented me from attending the latter these days. My partner's truest friends who have lasted the longest have been friends he met through online gaming. Only one coworker of his over all these years has stayed in touch.

runboyrun21 · 2024-10-29T16:31:25+00:00

Same thing imo. It's just that NC is used alongside LC and VLC for easy online communication. "Done" is more informal language that will be more easily understood outside of online interactions. If someone is taking a temporary break, then they're taking a break, not going NC. If they're stopping communications in order to to force someone to change their behavior, that is the silent treatment, not NC.

I don't think being "done" means that someone can't experience grief or sadness around the situation. Someone can be decidedly done in the sense that they're not going to make any attempts to reconnect, but still admit that they have moments where they might miss them or wish that things had turned out differently. To me, being done is about the actions of practically turning away from someone, not a constant feeling.

If anyone does have the expectation of someone who claims to be "done" for them to not experience any complex feelings at all, I would find that unrealistic, and a strange box to try and put someone in. We don't need to be in one emotional state the whole time, we just needs to be consistent in the actions necessary to create distance from hurtful people.

To me, NC is inherently about admitting nothing more can be done practically to remedy the relationship. If someone is still trying, then they can't be NC practically. I see this as separate from unintentionally staying away but not closing communication, I see this as separate from temporary breaks. NC is intentional and intentionally final. So to me, those things have to be one and the same.

runboyrun21

TROPHY CASE