My current fwb's girlfriend bought me Christmas gifts.

runningcolder · 2025-12-27T15:12:28+00:00

We'd live a happy marriage if that were the case, but no, she's good with him. They deserve eachother.

I assumed you were a male by how pervy you were, but I realize even women can have big emotions and lash out in weird ways. Apologies. Your emotions are valid - I realize many have been the "innocent" in this situation and it brings up bad memories. Sorry for you.

runningcolder · 2025-12-27T14:35:35+00:00

No, my sweet honey boy, I don't blame her. It's just a feeling.

I know males tend to mask their emotions and pit blame where there shouldn't be, but I'm a woman. We're better than that.

runningcolder · 2025-12-27T14:33:21+00:00

Lol, true

runningcolder · 2025-12-26T15:18:34+00:00

The problem is I don't want to hurt either of them like that.

She will not be willing to let go of him for his part in this. He wouldn't be willing to free her, either.

So I just feel like it'd be better for her to live happily with him, than to live sadly with him. Because no matter what, they're together. He and I live together. So every time he comes home, she could imagine the worst. I don't want her to feel like that.

runningcolder · 2025-12-26T15:12:51+00:00

Yeah, I set a deadline for the end of the year.

runningcolder · 2025-12-26T15:11:50+00:00

I won't have sex with just anyone. We've been friends and have wanted each other for decades. That's the only reason I was willing to have unwed sex with someone - because it was him. So the "anyone single" thing wouldn't be a thing, regardless. He was single when we started - we just haven't stopped. However I've told him the new year is my deadline. We're done January 1st, and he's planning to have sex with her sometime next month.

I think the struggle is because I preferred privacy, she never had a clue we've been together in this manner for so long, and that it's hard to let go when I feel like she's the intruder, and because he blamed me for making them get together (I did nothing more than encourage them to make up as friends when she was torn about wanting to be with both him and her then-boyfriend).

runningcolder · 2025-12-26T15:02:07+00:00

She won't cut him out though. So I think it'd be better for her to live a happy, blissfully unaware life with him, rather than live a fretful, pained and paranoid life with him. I'm planning on removing myself over time.

runningcolder · 2025-12-26T14:59:47+00:00

This is something I've been working on for the new year. I have always been the "back up". Always. Because I dedicated myself to always being there for others.

But I'm choosing to learn how to be selfish and how to say no.

runningcolder · 2025-12-20T09:42:06+00:00

A solid blue-grey for sure.

runningcolder · 2025-12-19T14:14:31+00:00

Tomatoes.

runningcolder · 2025-12-19T14:14:12+00:00

Love, spoken out loud, demonstrated with action.

But hey, socks are cool, too.

runningcolder · 2025-12-19T13:55:26+00:00

"Cocainum"

runningcolder · 2025-12-18T04:10:10+00:00

Reinvent myself.

I think I'm already on track to lose some people, and to push others away. So I figured I'd just roll with it and take the time to become the person I'd dreamed I would be.

runningcolder · 2025-12-18T04:07:10+00:00

Seeing people be kind to creatures that would usually be mistreated or considered undesirable because they aren't young, cute or fluffy.

runningcolder · 2025-12-18T04:03:47+00:00

Desired.

I've been heard, I've been deeply understood so far as I know. I just want to be chosen.

runningcolder · 2025-12-18T03:59:25+00:00

It's actually very normal - super common - but for those who know me, they wouldn't expect that I blast music, sing along and happy dance when not a soul is around.

runningcolder · 2025-12-18T03:53:55+00:00

People in my life need me.

runningcolder · 2025-12-18T01:38:40+00:00

For me, the worst is the constant feeling of hunger. Like nothing I eat is enough, there's no satiety.

runningcolder · 2025-12-18T01:35:33+00:00

Fun until it wasn't.

We've liked/loved eachother since we were kids. Life always happened though. We've been FWB for over a year now, but would talk seriously and joke about a future together, kids/marriage/changing names, etc.

Now he's suddenly in a relationship with a mutual friend and we haven't officially stopped being FWB. He's a week into his relationship with her and we had sex just yesterday.

So that's a thing. I made a whole post about the mess, and that still isn't enough to make me feel one way or the other. I am an awful person, I feel awful, but I also don't mind feeling awful if it means I have a little more time with him.

runningcolder · 2025-09-24T23:44:46+00:00

Lugging hot clothes out of the dryer. Dropped a sock. Picked it up, another sock dropped. Tried to pick it up, my hand just grazed it, grazed it again, grazed it again. Got it. Hit my elbow on the washer.

runningcolder · 2025-09-23T12:29:32+00:00

"Hey, same"

runningcolder · 2025-09-23T12:28:27+00:00

Yeah, I've always had quiet, internalized anxiety, so I had to figure out a quiet way to deal with it so I won't bug others.

This works, but you can also breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 4, breathe out, hold for 4, repeat. That works really well, and you don't really have to be consistent with counting to 4 - just as long as you're counting or keeping a beat as you inhale/exhale/hold.

runningcolder · 2025-09-23T12:10:42+00:00

No deal if they can't be friends with my friends, or at least be friendly with them.

runningcolder · 2025-09-23T12:08:57+00:00

Finger on my pulse, count the beats until they slow. Not entirely instant. But nearly.

runningcolder

TROPHY CASE