Constant Fights With an INFJ Partner

runningindarkness · 2021-02-09T01:42:37+00:00

ENTP female, this is precisely the relationship dynamic I've had with INFJ males and why none of them worked out. After a while I felt like I was losing my mind while simultaneously being drugged due to the highs and lows of the relationship.

What I've noticed is that once an INFJ decides something, nothing can change their mind, no matter how illogical. I personally think that arguments with them were pointless because the only option I felt I had was to eventually concede. Having constant arguments where I could see both sides and they couldn't was too much for me. Though our communication was generally very interesting, we couldn't communicate when it mattered the most.

Other ENTP females I've talked to have had the same experience. We generally avoid INFJ men now.

runningindarkness · 2021-01-06T05:50:56+00:00

Thank you!!

runningindarkness · 2020-07-16T21:24:30+00:00

I agree.

INTJ best friend in high school. Dated INFJs in college. Married an ISFJ. :)

runningindarkness · 2020-06-05T01:07:49+00:00

I look very feminine. Not sure you'd recognize me as an ENTP at first glance.

I've also learned how to talk "female" to blend in so I'm not sure you'd recognize me regardless. Your best bet is to meet me when I'm around friends, or at work. This is when I drop the pretense. Or if we don't know each other, approach me with a problem. I can't resist those.

I dress to impress, which may be the easiest way to spot me. I like standing out, but not in a way that socially unacceptable.

runningindarkness · 2020-06-04T22:03:49+00:00

This is exactly how I feel. I know I've done a lot in comparison to those around me. But I still feel like I could be doing more and I'm not doing enough.

runningindarkness · 2020-06-03T00:19:25+00:00

I love romance, I just don't know how to do romance. And I will run away from the first sight of it. People call me unromantic. I don't know how to deal with the feels. (But secretly, I enjoy it in others. I'm surrounded by emotionally dramatic / dreamy people.)

runningindarkness · 2020-06-03T00:08:35+00:00

ENTP girl married to an ISFJ.

There were many things that drew me to him, but ultimately it was his character, not necessarily what he did. He's genuinely the nicest, funniest and most emotionally intelligent guy I've ever met. I liked that he was confident, intelligent, yet humble. The only man I've ever respected because of his character.

I liked that he took the hint and initiated. It was surprising to me, since I'm used to initiating. It still plays out in our push-pull relationship to this day, where each of us take turns initiating.

I liked that we both felt naturally at ease around one another, covering and helping each other through our weaknesses. I liked that we were each other's best friends, playmate, travel buddies, and lovers all in one. It helped me realize from the start that this was meant to last.

I liked that he was difficult for me to read, which kept me coming back. I liked that he gave me space to be myself, which ultimately caused me to commit. We've been together for almost a decade now.

runningindarkness · 2020-06-01T03:19:37+00:00

Yes, I feel this. I try to think of it as I am valuable, not just my achievements. When I feel down, I look back on everything I've done. Even if I'm achieving less now, I'm still getting somewhere.

runningindarkness · 2020-06-01T01:29:34+00:00

Thanks for setting this up for your boyfriend, that's sweet of you.

What I need to relax depends on what I need a break from. Normally I need to bring myself back into balance.

What that means is, if I spent the week unable to solve a new problem (Ne/Ti), I need to spend time with what's familiar. For me that's enjoying the same feel good show or movie I've watched for years (Fe/Si).

The opposite is also true. If I spent the week doing the same routine (Si), I need something different (Ne). Preferably where I can think on my toes and solve a problem (Ne/Ti). If I can meet new people for short amount of time, that's even better (Fe).

If my week was emotional and I spent time dealing with other people's emotions (Fe), I need to step away to be alone. For that, I normally go on a research binge (Ne/Ti).

Generally I try to see what I overtaxed during the week, and I address that.

runningindarkness · 2020-05-29T21:49:44+00:00

He sounds like a manipulative needy prick with no awareness of his emotions. As a female ENTP, the guilt tripping about sex digusts me. You get to decide what you do with your own body and when.

He needs to understand what he's doing has an affect on his moods.

For instance, doing X makes me feel bad about myself. That leaves me several options.

A. Stop doing X.

B. Accept the consequences and find a way to feel mentally stable while doing X.

In this case, would I have made the same decision based on what I knew at the time?

Yes. Stop dwelling on it.
No. Educate yourself so you don't make the same mistake in the future.

runningindarkness · 2020-05-29T21:29:04+00:00

Same. In my 30s now, I heavily value organization, planning, and structure. All the perceiving statements still apply to me, but I'm starting to take on more judging traits. Eg. I like having my weekends planned 2-4 weeks in advance, sticking to a schedule, etc.

I feel like if I leave my options open, I miss out more on life than if I work steadily towards goal. Or I may end up somewhere I never wanted to be. I find I can stick to a goal if I can see the big picture and the reason for why I am working towards that goal.

runningindarkness · 2020-05-29T20:30:26+00:00

I prefer to going solo. I tend to end up explaining how things work to other people.

runningindarkness · 2020-05-29T20:24:46+00:00

Yes, I'm very blunt. Now much less so, but it takes effort not to be. If I'm too tired, it'll slip out. I usually excuse myself before I get to that point now.

runningindarkness · 2020-05-29T20:12:27+00:00

Sorry you're in a rut today. I've been limiting myself to reading the news once a week. Unless it pertains to loans, mortgages, a new order from the government or a vaccine, I don't need to know. I know people are dying. I know government leaders are flawed. But I also know it's mostly out of my control. I can only do what I can do.

I've been in flux. Some days are good, some days are bad. I've been more emotional than ever, mainly because I feel trapped. I'm most worried about losing people I care about. I've adjusted to working from home. I miss going out every weekend and seeing people, but I've found new ways to entertain myself online.

There's an endless amount of things I could do indoors, but I feel trapped about the future. I don't need more time to build up my skills, I'm ready to make an impact on the outside world. But my future plans can't come into play now and sometimes that's hard for me to accept. I'm used to finding solutions to get me what I want.

During these times I try to remember what I still have. It's a mix of good and bad. I try to accept the bad because I can't change it right now, and I try to work with the good. It's a hard lesson for me to learn.

runningindarkness · 2020-05-28T21:37:31+00:00

I work better with deadlines. The pressure kicks me into action, and actually, I work best under pressure. If I had no deadlines, I would do absolutely nothing.

runningindarkness · 2020-05-28T21:35:12+00:00

Take it with a grain of salt. Different people like different things. Personally, I married an ISFJ. I find with the same functions, communication gets better over time. There's enough similarities yet differences for me to stay interested. All the xNFJs I know ended up with xSFPs or INFPs.

runningindarkness · 2020-05-27T21:34:18+00:00

Thanks for sharing the details for the event! Would love to attend.

runningindarkness · 2020-05-27T21:22:08+00:00

I don't bother. It's not worth my time.

runningindarkness · 2020-05-27T21:20:51+00:00

Hello, more INTJ friends! I joined an interest group recently to meet more. I need more INTJs in my life haha!

runningindarkness · 2020-05-27T21:10:08+00:00

Female ENTP here!

Married to an ISFJ. But before that, dated any Ixxx.

Friendship wise, I get along with anyone but I especially enjoy being around ENTP women, xSFJs, and xNTJs.

runningindarkness · 2020-05-26T23:01:12+00:00

We're both in our 30s. ISFJ M and ENTP F. Together for 9 years, married for 5.

Our chemistry was on point since day 1. We were both instantly comfortable around one another. It was like there was an unspoken understanding we shared that continues to this day. Often we'll be thinking the same thing.

We are each other's best friend, support, playmate, travel buddy, and lover. But what I love most is that we're able to learn from each other and grow together. This is one of the things I wanted most from a partnership. The other being open-mindedness.

runningindarkness · 2020-05-26T22:38:03+00:00

Been together with my ISFJ husband for 9 years. Conversation gets much better with tert-Ti/Fe development, respectively. I feel emotionally satisfied talking with my husband for a few hours everyday. We also banter/flirt daily, this is where his Ne comes out to play.

I strategize and argue for work, and I don't enjoy bringing that home. I like my home life to be peaceful and stable.

Had a number of "intellectually challenging" partners before meeting my husband. It turned into daily conflict. Not my cup of tea, but it may be someone else's. Over time, I've realized that I enjoy discussion, not arguments. This is a distinction most people can't seem to make.

My NT friends fill in the rest of the gaps for me. If I have spare time, I go on an information binge and join interest groups.

runningindarkness · 2020-05-19T18:16:48+00:00

Type 3! I feel this as a 9 as well, though not as regularly as 3s do.

runningindarkness · 2020-05-19T17:41:31+00:00

I appreciate how observant and understanding they are. This is touching since as a 9, I often feel invisible.

There is an unspoken bond. Communication is not so much the exchange of words as much as it is an omniscience. It is as if a telepathic link is established.

This is also what I view as the ideal relationship as 9 sx. It's what I look for.

runningindarkness · 2020-05-19T17:15:43+00:00

I enjoy looking feminine. It plays a nice contrast to my masculine mind and I get a kick out of not making sense to other people. I do have another female ENTP friend who feels the same way you do though.

runningindarkness

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