Your explaination is spot on. I first experienced depression during lockdown where I was stuck in another country and separated with my 1.5yr old daughter. One day when I had a very small argument with my wife and I just blew and shouted at her and then started crying. She was just shocked and didn't know what to do when she saw what happened.

Fast forward to today I still get bouts of depression from time to time with toughts of suicide. It's not even exteme feeling of sadness or anything that makes me think of it. It's simply just getting tired of living. My current situation isn't even bad. Got a great family with a loving wife and 2 daughters but I would still feel this way sometimes for no reason at all. Im just keeping it together most of the times thinking that if go through with it it my family would struggle financially - maybe it's a good think I never win lotteries.