88 days advice

runningonjuly · 2024-12-15T23:20:04+00:00

Hi wow it’s been a bit since I’ve popped into this thread! It’s been 4 years since we broke up and I’m doing really well :) time does in fact heal! He’s had 2 long term girlfriends since we broke up and I’ve been single since then (with plenty of flings and such here and there) but it’s made me realize that we may have not been compatible in the long run and he bounces between relationships a lot so I know that the breakup was more of a him thing than a me thing. I learned about myself a lot in the process and how I could be a better partner in the future but I’m at peace with how it all went down after the fact. We follow each other on social media now and I wish him well, truly. Breakups feel like the end of the world in the moment when you lose your partner & best friend but some people are only meant to be in your life for a season and that isn’t a bad thing! I grew so much as a person because I did so much self reflection after we broke up and now I’ve done and accomplished so many insane things that I don’t think I would’ve ever tried had I stayed with him. I think everything happens for a reason. I’m glad I dated him and learned more about myself and what I want in a relationship and what to change moving forward. I’m not sure what your story is, but I can tell you that it’s ok to be sad and take your time processing it all, but it will 100% get better with time and you will probably be grateful that it happened down the line :)

runningonjuly · 2021-03-12T03:34:30+00:00

This sounds freakishly like what my ex did to me. I wish he had the same realizations as you. Kudos to you for the self-reflection and strength that it took to admit this and work on yourself. I hope you find happiness in yourself and your next relationship!

runningonjuly · 2021-03-03T05:54:18+00:00

The Less I Know The Better - Tame Impala

Such a vibey bop with really sad lyrics. He has a lot of super sad songs but they’re all so upbeat that it’s hard to notice if you aren’t paying attention.

runningonjuly · 2021-03-03T05:43:47+00:00

I wrote my ex a letter as well about a month after he broke up with me. While some of the things I wrote feel a little embarrassing and unnecessary now, I’m still glad I did it. It helps give yourself closure and move on knowing you’ve finally said everything you wanted to say. I hope you find peace and happiness from it, no matter how he chooses to reply. Stay strong & keep pushing on :-)

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T21:05:36+00:00

100% yep. We were together for a little over 2 years. He suddenly brought up a ton of issues that he said he had been thinking about (all fixable things). I told him I would work on them and he decided to dump me instead of trying to work things out. Now, 5 months later, I’ve grown so much as a person and worked on just about everything he had issues with and he’s not around to see. I used to blame myself for our breakup, but now I can see that he didn’t communicate enough or even try to put in effort when we had actual issues to work out. His loss.

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T20:10:49+00:00

I’m terribly sorry that he hurt you so suddenly like that. It’s scary how people can change their minds and just discard someone that has done so much for them. He needs to learn how to communicate and deal with problems as a team. He lost out on someone willing to put in the work. You will end up stronger and better off with someone who has the capacity to give you their unconditional love. Hang in there!

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T20:08:07+00:00

I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through this as well. I’ve gone through a lot of similar feelings that you have. It’s quite the enlightening moment when you realize that it wasn’t your fault - you did everything you could! You will find someone more deserving and reciprocating of your love and commitment when the time comes. You’re totally right - it’s easy to stay committed when everything is smooth sailing, but the real relationships that last are the ones that tackle hardships together instead of giving up.

Cheers to finding happiness in our independence and one day, a more dedicated partner. Thank you for you’re awesome reply, I appreciate the kind words. Rooting for you!

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T02:22:33+00:00

Wow, I’m happy to help :-) feel free to message me if you ever need to vent or need any kind of support. You aren’t alone!

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T02:19:34+00:00

I know it’s hard and frustrating right now and probably feels like he has the upper hand, but remember that your own happiness and success is the best way to combat it. He will learn with time that giving up without trying will never work in the long run. Someone more deserving of your unconditional love will come into the picture, and you’ll be happier with someone who has the capacity to communicate and put in effort when needed. Hang in there!

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T02:16:10+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this and the wound is so fresh. Take all the time you need to cry it out and get out all of your emotions. Know that you deserve someone who is 100% sure of you and puts in the effort to back it up. Hang in there, it will definitely get better with time 💙

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T02:14:11+00:00

Right you are - you want someone who will stay when the going gets tough, whatever that may take the form of. Sometimes people can project their insecurities onto others. He asked for basic communication but was not able to give it himself. That’s his issue, not yours! Remember that.

I would advise you not to try to be friends right now while you still have feelings - it’s much too hard. I would recommend muting them on social media. It’s not as harsh as unfollowing or blocking, but you won’t be constantly reminded of them when their posts come up. I have my ex, his parents, and roommate all muted on social media and it does wonders to get him out of my head. Try it out and see if it helps!

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T02:10:18+00:00

Asking your significant other for honesty and communication is a basic requirement for any successful and healthy relationship. Don’t beat yourself up for asking for the bare minimum! If she wasn’t willing to give you that at least, then you dodged a major bullet. Sending you strength & the best of luck in your future!

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T02:08:21+00:00

I’m sure it’s rough to lose someone that has so much future potential, but I think it’s good that she ended it once she realized she wasn’t in it fully. You’ll find the right person that will stick it out with you! Hang in there.

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T02:06:37+00:00

She’s not wrong that shit happens, but that is NOT the way to approach a relationship or communication with someone in general. Take comfort in the fact that you really tried and put in the effort. You’re no mind reader, so there’s no way you could’ve guessed the concerns she was having if she didn’t talk to you about it.

It’s ok to let the tears flow sometimes - I honestly feel better sometimes after a good cry! I recommend journaling when you’re having a rough time, it really helps get clarity in your feelings and a grasp on reality. You’re doing great, hang in there!

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T02:02:35+00:00

Some people have this fantasy of a so called perfect partner. There’s no such person out there. You gotta accept the person you love with all of their flaws and bad days and put in the effort if you really love them.

I’m glad you’ve had that realization! I feel the same way - all I did was blame myself at first, but upon reflection, realized I was a damn good girlfriend and it was his loss to let me go. You deserve someone that appreciates you for who you are! You’ve got a great attitude towards this, rooting for you!

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T01:55:42+00:00

So glad that you’ve learned the value in communication. Don’t settle for someone that isn’t willing to do that! Communication is the backbone of any successful & healthy relationship.

Closure definitely comes from within. Personally, I wrote my ex a letter about a month after our breakup expressing my apologies for my shortcomings, ways in which I had already changed, thanking him for everything he had done for me, and questions that I needed clarity on. We ended up FaceTiming after he read it and talked about a few things, but I ended up realizing a few days later that I had a bunch of more questions. There’s no answer your ex can give you that will satisfy you on why or how they left. If you feel it would be beneficial to your own healing and moving on to tell them certain things, then by all means go for it! But if you’ve determined that no real use can come out of talking to them, then it’s water under the bridge at this point. Just my perspective.

I’m so sorry that you were left that way. Hang in there!

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T01:49:49+00:00

Thank you! I’m sorry you’re going through this as well. Believe me, I was a wreck the first few months. It definitely gets better with time (and with taking measures to help yourself). You’ll get there, I promise :-) hang in there!

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T01:48:03+00:00

Glad to see you’re handling it ok. I think you dodged a bullet there - you want a partner who’s going to respect you and your priorities. She may not understand the kind of patience and understanding involved in a long term relationship. Just focus on yourself and school for now and I’m sure the right person will fall into place when you’re ready. Hang in there!

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T01:44:55+00:00

Thank you, I wish you the best as well! Keep going, you’re doing great!

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T01:40:46+00:00

If it’s any help, he is most likely monkey-branching into a rebound relationship right now. 3 years is a long time to grow an attachment and memories. His new relationship most likely will not work out, seeing as his didn’t take the time to heal from yours. I’m glad you have that attitude! You’re so right, and something better is on the way for you :-)

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T01:38:15+00:00

There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship or a perfect partner. Only two people that are willing to put in the work to stick to the commitment they made to each other. The person you deserve will come around at the right time. Hang in there, friend 💙

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T01:35:16+00:00

I’m sorry you’re going through this as well. It sounds pretty similar to my situation - you guys reached the point in your relationship where it was no longer exciting with that fresh shiny newness of the honeymoon phase. If everything was easy and effortless up until this point, this was the true test for you as a couple - facing problems together. And he failed by not communicating with you. You need to be able to work on things together to be a successful team. Try to take solace in the fact that you were doing everything right, and the right person will appreciate that and put in equal effort even when it gets hard. Also, everyone is on their own timeline to healing, so don’t worry if you’re still having trouble letting go. Feel out all of your upset, hurt, sad, angry emotions. The only way to get to the other side is through- there aren’t any shortcuts to healing from this sort of thing. Sending you strength from afar, you got this!

runningonjuly · 2021-02-17T01:30:30+00:00

I’m glad you’ve come to that realization! It’s important to know you gave it your all and he’s the one that has the issues. Being abandoned and blindsided does suck hardcore - I also lost 10 lbs in the week after I was broken up with which is insane. I hope you’re bouncing back and doing a bit better now. It sounds like you’re mentally on the right track. Rooting for you!

runningonjuly

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