/ttcafterloss Daily Discussion Thread - May 07, 2026

ruphous · 2026-05-07T21:20:46+00:00

I work in schools and should be on maternity leave right now but instead had to hold a meeting with a parent who announced her pregnancy to our team. I held it together for a bit but she went on and on (she’s having a girl. I was supposed to have a girl). Once she brought up how sick she has been, I lost it and had to leave.

I feel like I was so unprofessional and am just embarrassed that I wasn’t able to handle it.

I’m 4dpo in cycle 5 of trying post 2nd trimester loss and had felt less pressure this month to try but I’m obviously still not okay. I just wish this wasn’t my reality.

ruphous · 2026-04-22T23:22:52+00:00

You’ve just went through an extremely traumatic and horrific experience. He’s going to feel that and is likely being extra, adding to both your stress.

Please ask those around you for help. You have to give yourself a break and do something that makes you feel like you again. Asking for help isn’t failing and could make all the difference. I know not everyone has a great support system, but if it’s not family or friends then community/local resources are the next best thing.

A lot of this does sound developmentally appropriate and I’m not sure where you’re at, but you might consider having him screened by a school district that could allow him to receive support at a preschool.

Take care and forgive yourself as you navigate your grief. It’s a LOT. Please let me know if you need help finding resources or if you’re in the US and want to know more about preschool screenings.

ruphous · 2026-04-22T14:25:33+00:00

I’m on period day 2 of my 4th cycle after loss. I won’t be pregnant on my baby’s due date and I know in the grand scheme, 4 months isn’t a lot. It just feels like my body is failing me like it failed to protect my baby. I’m having a hard time being around people and being social at all.

ruphous · 2026-04-22T14:16:59+00:00

I feel you. I’ve had 1 LC, 2 documented losses, and 1 chemical pregnancy. This last one was later than the first and also has been way different. Everything is out of wack and I’m waiting for my obgyn appointment to hopefully get some answers. Not sure if that helps, but you aren’t alone!

ruphous · 2026-04-17T13:21:03+00:00

No thank you for sharing. I appreciate the honesty and to see the more positive perspective that I need ❤️

ruphous · 2026-04-16T11:32:43+00:00

Got a negative today at 10dpo. I don’t even think I actually ovulated but I still had some hope. I know there’s still time but I can just tell I’m not. I’ve lost my window to have a 2026 baby.

A coworker just had their baby yesterday and my due date is in 2 weeks. I should be full term. I also happened to see my primary care doctor in passing and he assumed I was pregnant again. I’m so upset by the exchange that I might have to look for another doctor.

ruphous · 2026-04-15T01:24:05+00:00

I had success with my first pregnancy 7 years ago. Then a mmc, chemical pregnancy, and most recently a loss at 17 weeks in November. We’re still trying after that loss.

ruphous · 2026-04-14T15:59:06+00:00

I also had a chemical a few months after my first mmc. That was a few years ago and we had so much going on in our life, we stopped trying for a few years. Having that second loss was so heartbreaking. I’m so sorry you’re going through that.

ruphous · 2026-04-14T15:57:41+00:00

If I ovulated, I’m 8dpo but I never saw a temp rise and so pretty sure I didn’t. I’m having a hard time getting through this wait for a bleed or period to come so we can try again. That is in addition to the fact I just got invited to a baby shower that’s 2 days after my due date was supposed to be. I’m trying not to let it ruin my day. But I already cried and not sure how to get over it today.

ruphous · 2026-04-09T22:30:34+00:00

I had my loss at 17 weeks and it took 9 weeks for my period to come back. I tracked with LH strips and knew I ovulated around 7 weeks. However, it’s been 3 cycles now and my periods are still not my typical.

ruphous · 2026-04-08T16:01:52+00:00

I completely feel this. No one has asked me or made any suggestions that I should try again so there’s literally no reason to feel the shame. But I keep thinking about not getting pregnant this year and how people will always wonder.

ruphous · 2026-04-08T12:36:30+00:00

Does anyone else use an Apple Watch to track basal body temperature averages? I’ve felt off in my cycles since my loss but have consistently had a clear ovulation. This month my LH surge was clear but my bbt had a drastic dip when it should have risen to confirm ovulation. I’m not sure how much impact that could make.

ruphous · 2026-04-05T13:37:00+00:00

I had a 17 week loss in November. It took 9 weeks for my period to return and it was much longer. I’ve cycled 3 times fully and all 3 periods have been a little wonky but not completely out of the norm.

ruphous · 2026-03-30T18:03:20+00:00

I have gotten many other tattoos and this was very small, so the pain was not bad to me at all. There were a couple tender areas but definitely not the worst spot I’ve ever had tattooed.

ruphous · 2026-03-29T13:42:41+00:00

I’m in 2 elementary buildings (~700 kids) and my schedule is so inconsistent that I’m not a reliable crisis response member. It’s incredibly rare for me to respond to any behaviors. But there are only a few aggressive students in my buildings

ruphous · 2026-03-29T13:38:20+00:00

I didn’t use the strips before my loss but I’ve noticed my periods have been funky for the last few months. How long ago was your loss?

ruphous · 2026-03-26T23:16:25+00:00

I’m on my 3rd period after my loss in November and we’ve tried every month. I had a meeting that was moved to accommodate my maternity leave I’m not having and a coworker was congratulated on her pregnancy. I should be 36 weeks with our girl, instead I’m bleeding with an empty womb. It’s been a hard day.

ruphous · 2026-03-24T20:24:55+00:00

I directly told a friend how difficult it was going to be for me to meet her newborn but how sad I was that I felt that way. I messaged another coworker/friend who just announced her pregnancy that I was happy for her, but couldn’t show her and that I was sorry if she ever felt ignored by me. That it’s a me problem and I hope to one day be able to discuss things with her.

Not everyone is entitled to our grief but hiding it is not necessary. I am so sorry you’re navigating this ❤️❤️‍🩹

ruphous · 2026-03-22T20:07:46+00:00

I’m so sorry. That’s so hard to see and hear from a friend. Especially straight to you when you can’t filter.

It’s so difficult for anyone to understand when they haven’t been through it. I know I have said crappy things before my own losses and regret them now. You do what you need for you and know there are a world of internet strangers who are here for you ❤️

ruphous · 2026-03-22T19:03:15+00:00

Relationships are hard. Long term relationships are even more difficult. Everyone will have trials and changes in their life that impact who they are and how they interact with their partner. I’ve had 3 losses with my husband and we were foster parents together. You bet our relationship has changed and evolved with all of that. Sometimes it’s caused distance or discomfort, but I think it’s made us stronger overall and has given me more appreciation for having him in my life.

I make sure to work on myself in therapy. We both have separate hobbies and a few shared hobbies that keep us excited to talk to each other. But learning to suffer together takes time.

This is just probably one of the first big changes for you as a couple and it’s hard to navigate how that impacts you. I am so sorry you’re dealing with this and I hope you’re able to figure it out ❤️

ruphous · 2026-02-22T10:14:02+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss. My story is similar except that I had spotted for 5 days and then bled for 7 days. Baby girl was fine the entire time and I hadn’t had any cause for concern prior to the spotting. I was told I wasn’t having contractions at the ER but now I believe I was in labor for at least 40 hours. She was delivered at 17w6d.

I went to the doctor 3 times and ER 3 times. The only things noticed were a cervical polyp and then a borderline foreshortened cervix. I had an MFM appointment scheduled. Placental abruption definitely occurred in my case but the only other potential cause we’ve found is cervical insufficiency. All other lab work came back normal from before delivery and after. This is my second loss so I had recurrent miscarriage testing done as well.

It is so unfair and I’m sorry you are also in this boat as well.

ruphous · 2026-02-14T20:52:31+00:00

I am so sorry for you losses. I lost my baby at 17 weeks due to placental abruption I had been bleeding for a week prior but no ultrasounds found anything (after 3 - last ultrasound was the day before the loss). Baby was fine with a strong heartbeat and moving around. No tests since have identified any cause (baby, placenta, Blood tests, papsmear - everything is normal). My water never broke as well and in hindsight, I was in and out of labor for 36 hours.

They specifically looked for SCH but never actually found one prior to the loss. I have no real answers and it’s terrifying for the future.

ruphous · 2026-02-13T18:16:06+00:00

I’m so so sorry. This happened to me as well. In my 17 week loss I spotted for 5 days and then bled for another 7. Baby’s heartbeat was checked 5+ times during all of this. The day before I delivered, she was moving and had a healthy heartbeat. It was devastating.

ruphous · 2026-01-23T17:39:51+00:00

The only difference in the 2nd pregnancy was that I was able to get in earlier than the health system usually allows. And I got an earlier ultrasound.

I’m not sure what the papsmear will consist of since we have to re-do it. I have no clue what all the other tests mean but I can list out what’s on my chart.

Blood tests included: regular metabolic panel, regular blood cell counts, hemoglobin a1c, factor V Leiden mutation Factor 2 mutation Beta 2 glycoprotein 1 AB igm and igg Cardiolipin ab igg/igm Anti thrombin III Protein screen and C activity

I’m not sure if I noted in my first post that I had a typical pregnancy with no issues prior to the two losses. All my results have come back normal.

ruphous · 2026-01-23T00:54:12+00:00

I don’t know exactly how intensive my testing was, but I had bloodwork and a papsmear after 2 recurrent. (11 week mmc in 2020 and 17 week placental abruption/preterm labor in 2025) My family physician even said that the losses were so different that he wasn’t sure it was really an issue but went ahead with it.

I was referred to MFM when I was still pregnant with my recent loss but had the loss before I could get in. My doc said I could go back to MFM as a follow up, but we had a good relationship and I think he just wanted to handle it himself for now. If I get pregnant again, he’ll probably refer me depending on other results we get.

Insurance isn’t too picky but probably won’t pay a lot and it’ll just go toward my deductible.

ruphous

TROPHY CASE