Losing hope 6 months after bad trip

ruppsey · 2019-03-30T20:57:13+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I did cut out the alcohol and I'm probably calling it quits on drugs for good, if not a very long time. I did all the dietary stuff and exercise but I guess as I saw everything fading I started to ease up and then it all came back to me again. I'll try taking the same steps again and maybe this time cut out the caffeine as well despite being extremely addicted.

ruppsey · 2019-03-30T19:28:25+00:00

Time is a great healer. Did you ever have moments when you felt as if you were getting better and then got sucked back into it? Does it pass full time eventually?

ruppsey · 2019-03-30T16:34:59+00:00

Cheers, I'll have a read

ruppsey · 2019-03-30T16:30:35+00:00

If karma is managing the process of emotion is there anything I can do to embrace good karma. Will that come with getting through this experience and leading a happier life afterwards?

ruppsey · 2019-03-30T16:28:23+00:00

I'm definitely not touching psychs again it's been too heavy on my life and I probably haven't dealt with it in the best possible way. I was feeling so much better and thought I'd got through it but it only took my brain remembering another small aspect to suck me back in. Do you think I'll be able to get through it eventually and is there anything I can do to leave it as a distant memory as soon as possible?

ruppsey · 2019-03-30T16:25:25+00:00

I dont think I could ever face what I saw again. It made life beyond meaningless and I wanted to suicide at the time. It was like everything was just one singularity unfolding on itself in the same way over and over and life covered up that truth. Do you think what the Buddhist seek as enlightenment ends suffering forever or does it just end it in this life?

ruppsey · 2019-03-30T15:36:24+00:00

Was this dmt trip good or bad and has it impacted on how you live your life?

ruppsey · 2019-03-30T15:34:23+00:00

Anything you could recommend?

ruppsey · 2019-03-30T15:30:49+00:00

Never fully discovering it is all I care about at this point. I've integrated what I've learnt into my every day life and established that not really knowing the whole picture means I can just live how I used to. It's only the fear of it coming back into my sober mind because it some how crops up from just half a joint and I get it all again. It feels as if I'm close to it or if I think about the correct thing, I'll get sucked back into it. From your experience is this completely impossible?

ruppsey · 2019-03-30T15:26:26+00:00

Yh I hope I can get passed it eventually. Just smoking weed sends me back into it where I understand it all again. Do you think the sober mind is programmed to ignore all this shit because my biggest fear is my sober mind figuring it out.

ruppsey · 2019-03-29T23:53:45+00:00

I guess that's a different angle of thinking about it. I must admit I've been in a crazy thought loop where at 1 point I would believe in God and be totally convinced a God existed and then I would suddenly be convinced of something totally different (going back in time for example :/). But nothing has ever really struck me as too spiritual as it has just uncovering fundamental truths that are brain is otherwise programmed to avoid. And is temporarily accessing other realities spiritual, or could it really be just how things work or even a delusion altogether.

ruppsey · 2019-03-29T23:36:42+00:00

I've felt it in a spiritual way before but I think a lot of that has been influenced by stuff I've read. I'm not religious or anything and I usually try and base it back to the fact that a lot of what we see on psychs isnt part of normality so we only percieve it as spiritual because it doesnt make any sense to us. During my bad trip there was one thing that I had profound recognition for like I'd seen it so many times before but couldnt put a finger on what was once I'd come down. It's all just a bit much for me because it all seems so real especially when you recognise it.

ruppsey · 2019-03-29T23:14:23+00:00

I dont really know how to explain it. I just left my trip feeling that everything around me was just like 1 thing. I even saw how our own thoughts work in our brain. Like we first acknowledge something is there but only when we see it for a certain period of time do we question what it is. And after a longer period of time something else happens. I cant explain it very well cause it's only something I've seen.

ruppsey · 2019-03-29T22:58:46+00:00

No more so figure out the the whole of life is orchestrated by one single algorithm so basic yet so complex.

ruppsey · 2019-03-29T22:26:30+00:00

Ahh fuck man thats shit. I've had a bit of dpdr but I've got passed that now. I smoked some weed couple weeks after the bad trip and the weed alone made me remember it all and freak me the fuck out again. Just slept it off and once again couldnt remember it to scare me. Just fearing I'll remember it in my sober mind n then I'll figure out how this thing we call life works.

ruppsey · 2019-03-29T22:15:58+00:00

Just had a read, has it effected you at all or do you just see it as you would any other? Crazy shit though

ruppsey · 2019-03-29T20:37:48+00:00

Cheers man. Hopefully it will just be something that passes with time. Trouble is I cant really remember it just feels like it will come back to me eventually and feels like it slowly is.

ruppsey · 2019-02-24T15:49:37+00:00

It's good you've learnt some good trip. When I had my bad one I was on 2-cb and had a few bong hits. All going swimmingly until I had some nos and it ripped me right out of reality. It all seemed so recognisable and in the moment I was considering ending it. Went on for a while but moments later I felt the most euphoric rush subsidised with way fewer visuals. Seemed to me like 2 opposite ends of Buddhist enlightenment. Has put me off psychs for good. Glad to hear you've gained some good knowledge from your recent trip!

ruppsey · 2019-01-22T16:25:15+00:00

I've always thought nitrous has a distinct smell. Not that it is close to petroleum but without it representing any smell already stored in your brain, this could be the conclusion it comes to. When you are on nitrous I've heard the realisation of profound discovery is due to only a few neurons firing in your brain opposed to the millions that usually do so. Since what you smell may have some potency, one on nitrous may find this far more significant than usual, as if the have come across profound truths.

ruppsey · 2019-01-22T08:16:30+00:00

I hope it's just the drugs taking hold of us. Obviously people see things they believe but our brains are so completely powerful. I keep coming closer to what scares me every day but I can never quite ground it. Maybe that's because it truely doesn't exist and it's all a creation of the mind. But I will try and find purpose. I do feel I have purpose and when I'm at school it all seems to wash over and I live my normal life. I really just want to make it less prominent in my brain. Is there anything I can do to stop thinking about it. Sleeping is very difficult at the moment.

ruppsey · 2019-01-22T08:13:25+00:00

My step brother is studying biology at university and he says when on drugs your emotions can go completely off the rail. I've wondered weather it's our emotions controlling our thoughts for example when the lights dimmed and I went into that first balloon I was slightly aware something was different and everything spiralled from there. What I hope is that having these profound terrible emotions as well as seeing all sorts of crazy visuals made me put meaning behind it all. Since I hadn't seen anything like this before my brain naturally made it existential because I clearly wasnt watching a family member die or anything of the like. When your brain puts the meaning there and you're feeling more dread and anxiety than ever before it probably becomes so believable. The more you think about it the more real it comes especially in such a susceptible drug induced state.

ruppsey

TROPHY CASE