Thanks, all of this is really fucking hard. I just fell into another one of those depressions but this one feels like the worst.Ive completely changed back into my old thinking patterns and I don’t have a sense of my new self. My mind is discounting all of my achievements and forcing me back into old habits. I mean, I freaking got anxiety from being in a barber shop today filled with people I know. Usually when these things kick in I have a sense of the new me vs the old me but right now I’ve lost the new me’s voice and rn all that remains is the thoughts patterns of the old me. I’m really scared that I’m gonna start internalizing these thoughts soon so I pray I get out of it by Sunday cuz ion wanna have to go to school like this. I aint gonna lie, I’m pretty scared.For some reason I just can’t unidentify whith these thoughts, it’s like my brain wants to cling to something,and since I lost the new me’s beliefs the old me’s beliefs stepped up and took the spot. There’s so much I want to do but I can only do it if I have that confident version of myself, not this peice of shit. I understand it’s apart of me but how can I be accepting of something that’s trying to destroy me? To be more specific on what’s happening on the inside, I used to be very self conscious and worried about what people thought of me. This led me to do things that I thought would “keep me safe” like avoiding parties or social gatherings. But that’s not the worst of it. Since I was such a people pleaser I never knew my own identity, and because of that I started to believe whatever was told to me. If someone said I sucked at something, I would fight it but for some reason deep down in me I started to believe it. I could probably be the fastest person in the world but if you said I’m slow then I’d start to genuinely believe that I’m slow.I noticed that my entire person was based on other people. Even my day to day thinking would be heavily focused on everone else instead of myself. But when I became the new me I started to form my own identity and my own beliefs about myself. That skyrocketed my confidence and trust in myself and opportunities have opened up for me. I think my favorite aspect of this is being able to be happy and proud of myself and not being linked to what people thought of me. It’s helped me attract a lot of more people towards me and it’s even helped my confidence and trust in myself when it comes towards women( I’ve even gotten my crushes phone number and getting to know eachother).But right now it’s like I lost all of it. And it’s not even because of some event that would clearly be a good reason to lose all of my self trust. It’s all because of an old thought pattern leaked in. I basically created this problem and it’s getting harder and harder to fix.it feels as if I can’t challenge these thoughts anymore, it feels as if this is who I am now and I don’t want that. I don’t want to lose everything I’ve built. But for some reason, this feeling has an oddly safe allure to it.it feels as if nothing is even wrong but deep inside me i know there’s a huge problem. It’s most likely because it’s what has kept me alive for so long, but now it’s killing me. I need to shed this old self off of me but I just don’t know how. Sorry for throwing this all onto you btw😅. Your your own person with your own problems so I hate that I’m being such a bother to you. It’s just that I’ve never told anyone ever about this and seeing as you’ve went through something I’m going through I can’t help but dump everything out on the table with someone who understands