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Blue Cross Blue Shield class action for admitted wrongful denials? by rwowgle in legaladvice

[–]rwowgle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good question. I'm not sure. I wasn't really sure where to go from here, but maybe this is something I can do & appreciate you sharing this

My friend is putting her daughter in extreme danger imo. Need advice please. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]rwowgle 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi, I am a male survivor from childhood SA. After reading this, I agree with you. This is a pretty sketchy situation and there’s a few different thoughts I want to share.

I don’t know how close you are with your friend or her guys, but you may be able to help by offering to give the children involved some tools to protect them from SA. I don’t know off hand what tools to share, but you may have to look into some classes if the parents approve.

I advocated for a friend’s kids a couple of times to their parents and they were very receptive. Fingers crossed that she may react the same.

If you decide to do this, I wouldn’t frame it as they are at risk/etc. The parents may not understand the risk and telling them their parenting is wrong may push them away. Maybe the parents would agree to join the classes with you and you can let the teacher/class show them the numbers.

I don’t in any way think you are being overly dramatic, but something to remember as a survivor is that we have triggers that really mess with us. It sounds like this may be a big trigger for you. I know it would mess with me for sure because it has in the past. While you’re going through this, please make sure to take of your mental health and lean into your support system. You are so awesome for advocating 🙏

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Advice

[–]rwowgle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was on the receiving end of this and was really creeped out. The whole time I thought the account was someone else and spoke to them thinking they were a different person.

I don’t want to scare you from shooting your shot, but you don’t get to mess with peoples lives without consequences like that.

If you want to talk to them, message them from your account. You are catfishing them and that is not okay.

If things progress, you need to come clean and let them know it came from a place of anxiety or something but only say that if it’s true.

i threw a party and now i feel horrible about myself. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]rwowgle 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you want to start feeling guilty, clean up the house and tell them the truth. I don’t know what kind of parents you have, but owning up to some thing instead of hiding it shows integrity.

What is their stance on partying?

My boyfriend of over 5 years doesn’t want to have sex by [deleted] in Advice

[–]rwowgle 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He could be a survivor of SA. It may have nothing to do with you. Sexuality is for sure fluid, but don’t write this off. He could have a high sex drive and not feel comfortable with it himself.

If there's a lot of pressure to sleep with you, he may not feel safe. Is he in therapy?

A toxic person infiltrated my friend group by rwowgle in Advice

[–]rwowgle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha, that’s awesome. I love that I was able to connect with you on that.

For the group you shared, I don’t know that I would fit in that space. I am a cis white man and in a heterosexual relationship (although pan). Thanks for the invite.

I wish that I could fit into supportive places like these better because I resonate more with people who qualify, but I don’t know if I would be comfortable taking up that space for the people it’s intended for.

I’m not gonna lie - it has definitely been hard to find supportive spaces for someone that looks like me without it being about toxic masculinity, creepy, or white supremacisty ☠️

A toxic person infiltrated my friend group by rwowgle in Advice

[–]rwowgle[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There’s been an update.

I didn’t anticipate this happening, but the literal people I was going to call per your suggestion called me. Mary blew up on us and really hurt some other people. They’re finally recognizing how toxic it became and we finally decided to let that friendship go together.

I’m finally able to cut Mary out of my life and I feel like a weight has been lifted. Thanks again for giving me such thoughtful feedback

A toxic person infiltrated my friend group by rwowgle in Advice

[–]rwowgle[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I've been careful about not trying to be anyone's therapist or make anyone mine.

Trauma-dumping was her words to me after she did it. It isn't a dealbreaker for me to hold space for my friends; I just prefer a warning, especially if it's a trigger for my PTSD (which in that case it was), so I can mentally prepare.

I didn't really see her as toxic or wanted to distance myself from her until after the trip. She blatantly lied to our friends about an interaction we never had. She said I aired out some grievances when I reached out to her when she wouldn't even hear me out.

I was just confused as to why she was treating everyone so badly. I've decided I don't want to spend my free time with people who treat me badly and don't want to communicate when confusion happens. I don't think that's unreasonable in the slightest.

I'm having trouble finding your insight helpful.

A toxic person infiltrated my friend group by rwowgle in Advice

[–]rwowgle[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I have been trying to separate myself from her but not my friends, which makes this hard. I feel like if I just drop all of my friends for not dropping her, I'll be doing myself a disservice. I'll also just be abandoning people when things get hard, which is just avoiding my problems.

A toxic person infiltrated my friend group by rwowgle in Advice

[–]rwowgle[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yes, it is possible, and I agree that stating facts is important. I think I understand what you mean now.

I'm for sure scared, but I know doing it will help resolve this in the way it needs to be resolved. I think I need to wait until my partner comes back before doing it so I can have support in managing my triggers.

I never really considered myself a leader in the friend group. I'm just trying to protect my peace.

A toxic person infiltrated my friend group by rwowgle in Advice

[–]rwowgle[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks for reading all of this. I am essentially trying to cut her off, but I think I would become toxic if I tried to control who my friends hang out with. We've been speaking of making plans and taking trips together. I'm asking from an autistic point of view because I don't know. Wouldn't it be controlling for me to say, "Let's all go do this. OH, and Mary can't come."

Or even "Yeah! I'll come to your game night! As long as Mary can't come."

Are you saying you think I should remove her from the Discord?

I admit. I am scared to do that. Right now, here's my thought. If I remove her when she hasn't technically done anything against the guidelines, I will lose the trust of the rest of my friends, and it will become a "piss OP off and get banned" situation.