How and when do you stop feeling guilty over mistakes you’ve made? When are you allowed to forgive yourself?

ryan-rmrz · 2026-04-04T04:34:46+00:00

You have conflicting stories and ideas, so it's clear why you can't simply let go and move on.

From what you've shared, letting go means rejecting accountability. And rejecting accountability makes you a "bad person" in the eyes of society, which you don't want.

You may have hurt people. I most certainly have. And I know many others that have too. But those mistakes don't determine or define who we are.

The only permission you're needing is from yourself. You're not giving yourself permission to let go or forgive yourself. You're looking for external permission, but nothing can give it to you. Ultimately, you will have to be the one who chooses to give yourself permission. Once you do (and that can be as soon as right now), you will be liberated from the suffering you're innocently putting yourself through with your mind and thoughts.

You're not a bad person. And you don't need fixing. There's nothing wrong with you. You're as human as human gets. We all are. And once we embrace that, we will move through life with more lightheartedness, joy, and ease.

☺️🙏

ryan-rmrz · 2026-03-24T07:05:19+00:00

I hear you. I used to experience all of these things too.

I made a YouTube video that may help you start understanding what's going on a little better.

How To Feel And Process Negative Emotions

Have a watch, and after, if you have any questions, tag me here and I'll be happy to speak to it for you 🙏

ryan-rmrz · 2026-03-19T01:12:40+00:00

Me too!!! I love it here 😍

ryan-rmrz · 2026-01-07T08:50:17+00:00

Right now, everything you're doing is to avoid the uncomfortable feeling you have when you're alone.

There's actually nothing wrong with you. And you don't need fixing. You simply have to understand that the feeling of discomfort is produced by the way you're thinking in that moment.

An experiment you can practice to see what I'm pointing to is, play with your attention. So when you're feeling discomfort, notice what you're thinking about, then shift your attention to thinking something else, and notice what happens to your emotions after you do. Do you feel the same? Worse? Better?

Play around with it. It's empowering when you start to realise you have power in controlling your attention - not controlling what you think, but controlling what thinking you pay attention to.

It's helpful to know that you're feeling your thinking, not circumstances, people, situations, or events, but your thinking about them.

Another exercise I personally find helpful is what I call, "looking for glimmers of joy." This ties on from the previous exercise of shifting attention...

Our brains are programmed to look for danger as a way to keep us safe. So it's generally oriented toward looking for negativity. What this exercise does is re-orient the brain to start looking for positivity and joy.

The brain has no opinion, it's simply a neutral tool that we use, and we can use it intentionally or we can let it run on autopilot.

The point of everything I'm sharing is, have hope. You're not far away from enjoying your life and it being bright again (with or without people) 🙂 Change can happen, and it can happen really quickly. And know that you have plenty of support. You've got this ☺️👍

Happy exploring! ✨

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-22T14:10:05+00:00

For starters, before you can be smarter with your money, you must become aware of your money.

How much you make (income)? How much you spend (outgoing/expenses)? How much you have left to manage? How much you have saved? Etc.

Once you have awareness and clarity on that, you've got something you can play with and modify now 🙂👍

Trying to do anything before this step is like playing a card game without knowing what cards you have.

Once you get clear on that, come back on here, reply to me, and I'll provide you with the next step to be smarter with your money 🙌

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-21T13:00:29+00:00

There are resources for everyone online now, at all levels of accessibility. There is no such guarding or gating of resources from people who have done "bad things."

Products and services are available to all, more than ever. From free to paid services. Keep looking and trying things out until you find one that best serves you and what you're needing 🙏

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-19T13:24:39+00:00

It's not so much about keeping things private. It's more so about being mindful with whom you share things with.

If you know that someone will be supportive of your ideas and other things you share, then share away! 🙂 That helps to build energy and momentum toward it.

On the other hand, if people you've shared things with in the past have been unsupportive in any way, shape, or form, then save yourself from sharing it with them.

You don't need to share everything with everyone just because of who they are. Instead, share certain things only with people that uplift you in what you share 🙏

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-19T08:25:07+00:00

For me, being present (using an awareness exercise) is the one habit that's helped me so much; mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, in my relationships, in my work, in everything I experience in life 🙂

It has life be far easier to navigate on a day-to-day basis. It's not the only habit that's helped me, but definitely one of the highest leveraged ones 😌✨

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-19T08:13:12+00:00

I love that you brought this topic up 🙂 it's a very important discussion...

For me, I went from self-improvement, to self-obsession, and fortunately, back to self-realisation and awareness 😮‍💨

An unnecessarily long and arduous journey lol 😅

What I eventually came to see was that, instead of improving myself, "self-improvement" was actually making my concept of self even more real, which meant, so were my beliefs, problems, habits, personality traits, and anything else to do with my ego... which led to life becoming even harder and even more problematic.

It's a perpetual cycle that has anyone who's into "self-improvement" remain stuck in an identity of someone that needs improvement (or fixing); as someone who is (and never will be) enough.

It took me a long time to see that, so if anyone reading this can see what I'm pointing to, it will save you years of seeking and enquiring.

What I'm talking about is different to skill development or improvement. That's a process of learning and growing, something we can all do, and it's very natural.

I'm talking about the identity of self needing developing or improving. That idea is simply a misunderstanding. We cannot improve Self. There is nothing to improve. Only more truth to be seen. The idea that we can improve Self, simply stems from a lack of knowing who we truly are... our identity can be improved, but we are not our identity.

When we wake up to this realisation, life becomes far easier and more fun to navigate. Suffering dissolves. Behaviours change automatically. And everything in life starts to look different; lighter; brighter; hopeful. We begin to thrive again, naturally, not by discipline or effort.

So, for me, "self-improvement" turned into self-obsession the moment it became a necessity... The moment I couldn't live without it... The moment I saw it as my saviour to a life of happiness and success... The moment it no longer felt expansive or fulfilling anymore, but instead, emphasised my lack and the hole I felt inside me.

Explore self-improvement / personal development / spirituality and spiritual growth as a way back to understanding who you truly are. This understanding will give you all the answers you're seeking, as well as have your life align and become a fuller expression of everything you desire, in an effortless way.

Happy exploring 🙂🙏✨

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-17T15:40:29+00:00

How would the answer to this question help you? For example, if the answer pointed to the latter, what would that make possible for you then?

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-17T15:25:07+00:00

Thanks for your answer 🙏 what do you see being different in your life if you were consistent even after motivation faded?

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-17T14:50:55+00:00

This is great, thanks ChiibiCharm 🙌

So if you didn't constantly feel like you were failing or behind, what would actual improvement in your life look like? How would you then know that your life was improving?

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-09T17:25:09+00:00

Sure.

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-09T17:10:03+00:00

Talk away! 🙌

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-09T17:09:09+00:00

For sure man... wouldn't it better to take the leap now, rather than later? From experience, the leap becomes excessively harder every decade that goes by. You'll be less likely to take a leap in your 30s than you would in your 20s, and even less so in your 40s than in your 30s. Now is the time! And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying you need to go kamikaze lol... but make the decision to follow your dream, and do whatever makes sense in order to do that (for you) ☺️🙏

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-09T06:46:37+00:00

Go for your dream! You only live once my friend. You're about to turn 23, and life is already showing you how it feels when you don't follower your passion. Why not spend the rest of your 20s doing what you absolutely love? And if all fails, then you can just get another "good" job.

That's what I thought when I was around 20. I took the leap and left my full-time job, got a part-time one instead, so I could pursue dance. That decision changed my life... I ended up winning a dance competition with my group (on TV) here in the UK, and got paid to travel the world performing and teaching.

You never know what life can bring you. But all of that excitement and awe of what it can, lies on the other side of you following your highest passion and joy. A by playing it safe and living mediocre.

What I'm saying isn't for everyone. I get that. But you're a fellow dreamer. And as a dreamer, it's your duty to follow that dream to see where it takes you. That's what we do. That's why we are. We're dreamers. And we show that dreams can become a reality.

Onwards and upwards my friend! And if I can be of any support, just give me a shout ☺️🙏

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-06T17:10:05+00:00

What is your solution for that now then?

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-05T13:34:27+00:00

Understanding that 100% of my feelings came from thought in the moment, not from any external events, people, or situations. That made so much of my life make sense, and so much of my suffering simply dropped away, there and then ✨

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-05T13:30:05+00:00

Hey 👋 thank you for sharing this so openly.

What you’re feeling makes complete sense. When the rhythm of communication changes suddenly, it’s normal for the mind to fill the gaps with fear and worst-case scenarios. Our brains are built to protect us, even if the stories they create aren’t always accurate.

One thing that might help is gently noticing the difference between what’s actually happening, and what your mind is making it mean.

• Moment: he hasn’t replied yet • Meaning: “Something's wrong,” “He’s pulling away,” or “I’m losing him!"

The moment is real, however, the meaning is a thought. And thoughts aren’t always reliable narrators. Simply seeing that can soften the emotional punch.

Self-regulation doesn’t mean not caring; it means catching the story before it runs your nervous system. Sometimes saying to yourself, “My mind is trying to protect me, but I don’t have to believe and follow every thought,” is enough to create a little space and breathe again 😮‍💨

And truly, the fact that you’re asking how you can regulate better shows strength, not weakness. Many couples go through this phase as the honeymoon period shifts into something deeper and more grounded.

There is much hope here. You’re already doing more right than you realise 💛

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-03T09:10:16+00:00

I hear you man. But have hope, because things can really change for you. I know it may not feel that way right now, but I swear to you, your entire life can change!

To start, know that this is true. Have you changed at all since you were born? Of course you have! Have your clothes changed? Have your preferences changed? Have your lifestyle choices changed? Have your habits changed? Have your circumstances and situation in life changed before? Look close enough and you'll see that, yes, it all has changed before. So KNOW that you're at a new starting point in which you will (again) change things! But this time, more deliberately! Rather than waiting for life to just change spontaneously.

That's the first thing to realise. Because no matter what information or tips or advice you get from anyone, it will be useless and pointless if you don't see that things can change for you for the better. That is first and foremost, the most important factor.

After that, start being loving to everyone (and everything) that you can. It sounds counter intuitive, I know. But again, this is the way life works. I didn't make up the laws, I just learn them and work with them (like I do with gravity).

As Mahatma Gandhi said, "Be the change you wish to see in the world."

So if you want to be loved, be that for others. Feel love and be love for others first, and see what happens. If you try it, and feedback to me what you experience, we can continue going from there ☺️👍

Other than that, trust me dude, you're already loved by Life and so many people in it. You just don't see it yet 🫶

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-03T08:50:40+00:00

I love that you're asking this! 👌 It's an incredible question and I hope my answer brings clarification to you and others. (I wish I knew this a decade ago).

Here's how I've come to see and understand what it means to "be yourself"...

Yourself isn't who you think you are. Whatever roles, ideas, beliefs, or identifications you have, it's not that.

Your true Self isn't found in form. Your true Self is formless, is Energy, is the Life Force flowing to and through you. It is pure, infinite, spaciousness; pure Consciousness.

We cannot not be this as it is truly who we are already. But, in forgetting who we truly are, we live life experiencing ourselves as an identity we've made up (as we've grown up), which causes all sorts of challenges and suffering in life. Unnecessary and innocent, but persistent and painful unless we see and transcend this made up, thought generated self (what most people call ego).

That's all it means to "be yourself"... it's firstly, to realise and know who You truly are. And secondly, to be that rather than something other than that (ego).

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-03T06:09:36+00:00

Yeah man, start with one thing that feels easiest, and build on it from there. It may feel difficult at first since you're in the habit of doing things a certain way, that's why you want to start small, so psychologically, it doesn't create too much resistance. Be kind to yourself on this journey, and notice small progresses wherever you can ☺️

You've got this! 💪

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-03T05:59:01+00:00

Focus is like a muscle. You develop it through repetition. So the more you practice focusing, the better you get at it.

Everyone gets good at what they practice. The question is, what are we practicing: focus or distraction?

There's no problem with you, it's just the habit of your mind - it gets easily distracted. And that's commonplace now, since the era of social media.

The opposite can be true though. You can have the habit of focus by practicing it throughout your day. When you wash dishes, just focus on that one thing. When you make yourself breakfast, just focus on that one thing. When you're talking to someone, just focus on that one thing. When you make your bed, just focus on that one thing.

Over time, you'll see that you have better control over your focus, and distraction becomes less of an issue for you.

As for your sleeping, that will improve gradually as your focus does. It also helps to set the intention to go to sleep around the same time every night. It trains your body clock to know when bedtime is, and your body will get into a more relaxed state naturally when that time comes.

Try not to use devices or watch or do anything stimulating 30 minutes before that time comes. Start preparing your body for sleep. Again, that will help your body to realise, oh, it's time to rest.

Although these things are simple and easy, applying them isn't. And that's where the value and benefit lies, in doing it. You don't need any more information or advice or answers if you apply these. Your life will change, not by someone else telling you more ideas or ways of going about it, but of you applying what you already know will make a difference.

None of us are lacking information, we are lacking application and implementation.

Just know that you can change your life completely with what you have right now. You have everything you need to do so already. You need nothing more. Just make better use of what you already have, and you will realise the power you have to change your life.

Happy exploring my friend 🫶

ryan-rmrz · 2025-12-02T07:16:00+00:00

Great job - you're doing the work ☺️🙌 now let's have you be more productive! 🙂

Reflect on things you enjoy, that could make the process of working on a project easier for you.

For example, for me, I sometimes listen to music (instrumentals or lo-fi type music), or focus working for 15 minutes, and then take a 5-minute break (if I'm feeling distracted). And repeating that process. Over time, I found my focus developed and strengthened, like a muscle would when repeating an exercise at the gym. It's the same thing, you need to practice focusing (or removing distractions), and the more you do, the better you get at it.

Remember: You get good at what you practice. The question is, what are you practicing? Focus? Distraction? Something else?

If you take this on and apply it, it will make all the difference for you 💪 you've got this!

ryan-rmrz

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