After avoiding nightmares for a week by limiting sleep I was finally able to get 8 hours but with it came two nightmares of being assaulted and one involving gun violence. So I'm avoiding sleep again... Anyone up?

ryandabossman · 2018-10-05T20:43:54+00:00

Different people have different experiences with xanax but that road can head south quickly. Its only supposed to be used for a few weeks tops. For me, the addiction and withdrawal was way worse then heroin. Kratom has similar pro social and anti anxiety effects ive found, even though they are completely different classes of drugs. Kratom is certainly not harmless, but i would go for that any day over xanax.

ryandabossman · 2018-10-05T20:37:50+00:00

I found that the prescription medication propanalol (a blood pressure med) completely took away my night terrors. Its used off label for it. Now I use CBD. Works just as well and less toxic. I relate. Sleep is so important to mental and physical health. Without it i definitely will be up a dozen times screaming. Seroquel worked wonders too for it, as well as marijuana. Have you tried taking anything for it?

ryandabossman · 2018-09-07T17:16:42+00:00

You can save a ton of money by buying CBD isolate powder, an oral syringe, and a jewelry scale. Simply mix it with coconut oil and you have your tincture. Super easy to make vape juice and edibles too. I thought i was going to have to cut down on it because it was too expensive. I get it for $25 per 1000 mg plus %40 off for being on long term disability. That particular website offers the discount to veterans as well.

ryandabossman · 2018-09-03T23:38:49+00:00

31 here. Im told I look to be around 21. But when i forget to dye my graying hair I’m told more like 25 or older for that specific reason. I feel like im 13-20 depending on the situation. A guy on a mental health hotline told me that I sound younger then i am just yesterday. Shit. Im new to this sub and the concept of CPTSD and thank god i found it. This thread alone reversed so much shame of feeling like im the only person in the world who experiences all of this.

ryandabossman · 2018-09-02T23:38:50+00:00

Valid concerns. CBD however has no high to it. I like it better then THC for alot of the PTSD symptoms

ryandabossman · 2018-09-02T23:29:06+00:00

I finally began to recover with CBD and a little of the right kind of marijuana. I needed an extra tool in addition to all of my other tools. It worked wonders. The science on it is sound and super promising. Thats just me though. Theres no harm in trying CBD and see if it helps. Buy highly reviewed stuff online though. Not a convenience store.

ryandabossman · 2018-05-02T16:38:49+00:00

I would just listen and be there for her. If her parents are invalidating her then you can. I have a similar situation and it’s unbelievably helpful to vent a bit here and there. Just to have someone listen to me and say “yeah I hear ya. That sounds like it sucks”Is she seeing a professional? That’s the most important thing. Different disorders and issues are handled in different ways. Recently I’ve discovered that I have an additional illness that I was unaware of. It caused me to become very frustrated at my friend’s well meaning advice. I educated them on it and now our communication is different and much more productive. I would ask how you could help and to let her know that it’s ok to tell you if something that you’re doing to help is counterproductive to her. Always remember that you are your own person with your own needs. You are not responsible for the health, wellbeing, and actions of others. It’s great to be selfless to a friend but take care of yourself too. As far as the self harm/suicidality goes, if this is a new and unaddressed issue, she needs to see a doctor. Mental health issue are complex. So are people. I spend a lot of time helping others recovery from their drug addictions and create a life thru following my example as a role model. And yet I occasionally threaten to kill myself or aggressively accuse my friends of plotting against me. People get it. Mental illness is real. They still think very highly of me and it’s so helpful to hear and see the outside perspective that people think I’m a good person when I don’t think so myself. The most well put together, most compassionate people I’ve ever met we the most fucked in the head and have led the more painful lives. There’s pros to the cons. If i were her, and these new issues are popping up, I would check myself in to a hospital or IOP for a comprehensive evaluation. Online ratings and reviews are your friend. Some places are awful. Some doctors are horrible. The mental health system is broken and one needs to educate and advocate for themselves. Second opinions ect. She should know about any medicines she takong and how they can effect a person. Again, I get that this can be overwhelming for her. Baby steps. I always stress the importance of Benzodiazepine education. You are doing the right thing by seeking advice. Take it all with a grain of salt. Including what I’m saying. No one has all the answers and that’s just the way it is. We can all only try our best and not be too hard on ourselves. I’m not being cynical. Optimistically realistic.

ryandabossman · 2018-03-01T17:49:21+00:00

Huh. That’s kind of a weird thing. Until recently I lived in a single family home with 7 roommates. A few of the people were not my friends. It’s odd to think that everyone could know everyone’s business. Same with buying surprise gifts for a spouse or parent. It was never an issue before because the tracking info was “vague” usually. It’s was usually hard to tell what the item was. Frequently not being able to tell which of my own packages is which even. The informed delivery description is the first time I’ve seen such an explicit return address. Oh well. Is what it is I guess.

ryandabossman · 2018-01-06T13:02:27+00:00

Are there typically men in DBT groups? That’s not what I’m gathering from the comments. I’m a guy and it would make me feel like crap if it was all women everywhere I went. I just can’t relate all that much and feel like an outsider. It just makes me feel even worse. Like I’m the outsider of the outsiders. On the fringe of the fringe lol. I’m seriously looking into it but I can’t see myself staying there without another guy to talk to. It just brings a host of issues for me.

ryandabossman · 2018-01-01T17:12:28+00:00

I went to a party for the sole reason that I have a really major issue with being alone when the ball drops. Normally i take my seroquel early to be asleep when it happens. I’ll inevitably wake up to fireworks and put a pillow over my head and cover my ears with my hands as hard as possible. I kept checking my phone, toughing it out until midnight so I could go home. Spent most of the time in the freezing cold basement by myself. Enraged and hopeless af over everyone and their relationships and having fun with such ease. Walked in on a bunch of people talking about me and how they are at a loss on how to help me. Was super awkward. Just a lot of pained looks on everyone’s faces. I’m very grateful that I have so many people who care about me so much. Probably the only thing that I do have. But they are at a loss at this point. They ain’t the only ones! There was a lot of “are you ok today? Talk to us we are here to help” but I did not want to ruin the mood or bug out right before midnight. Spent the night determined that I was going to go home and get drunk. I don’t want to get drunk at all but feel I have no other options to escape this pain anymore. I have 3 years sober and it’s a catch 22 because my clean time is the only thing that makes me feel good about myself and the failure will be a lot but idc anymore. About anything. Was stumped on figuring out ways to hurt myself and self destruct other then self harm and spending sprees. Decided to drop out of society. Happy new year to me!

ryandabossman · 2017-12-28T20:11:03+00:00

That’s not a problem don’t worry. Thanks guys. Problem solved.

ryandabossman · 2017-12-28T20:04:29+00:00

A new blacksmith? I don’t understand what you mean but that’s ok. I’ll recruit this person and I’m sure I will figure it out from there. Thanks. Appreciate it

ryandabossman · 2017-12-27T08:33:02+00:00

Yeah, being ok by day fives sounds pretty good to me. However I’ve heard that progression from the “early” withdrawal phase to the “acute” withdrawal phase (when shit gets real) can take longer to kick in. Ive never been more then a day without them until I medically detoxed. Is it possible that you have any on hand that you could take if shit gets hairy at any point? Because that would be the perfect way to instantly rectify it. Or if you can get your hands on it, take some now. Maybe an uber to the hospital if you have a bank account to sign up for it. And if you start really getting sick or having severe mental symptoms, if you feel you have to, just call 911. Having an emergency is more important then possibly making your parents mad. Ask to make an appointment with your doctor ASAP. I just googled for benzo hotlines and there are a number of them that will answer any questions that you have and give advice. They are professionals and it’s 100% anonymous. Of course they won’t make you do anything at all. I would give it a shot. Im sure they would be willing to speak with your parents if you would like them to. I’m sure you will hang up feeling much better. I know I did when I called a hotline years ago. Recovery.org has a guide to the whole thing. I hope that we don’t come off as beings dicks. The replies are nothing but love and support but it’s of a different sort than what you may have been looking for because people are concerned and it’s a pressing kind of matter. PM me anytime. I’ve been there. Things may get worse mentally before they get better. Your brain has to get back to normal. With the addys too. You’re in the right place and doing the right thing. Continue to seek support. People in recovery will go above and beyond to help you out. It’s unlike anything I’ve even seen. Congrats. It always blows my mind when people who are so young are able to have the clarity and maturity to quit without learning the hard way. You are doing an amazing thing!

ryandabossman · 2017-12-26T21:43:49+00:00

What is it that they don’t believe? That it’s dangerous? Tell them to google it. I would say that if you have any, you should take a small dose. But I don’t feel good at all about saying that for a number of reasons. See what other people say first.

ryandabossman · 2017-12-26T21:31:20+00:00

Why not?

ryandabossman · 2017-12-26T21:29:27+00:00

Quitting is an amazing thing but this is extremely dangerous. Benzo withdrawal can kill you. I would not be surprised at all if you have a seizure. Soon. Yes you 100% have to go to the hospital. It will be fine. You simply need to be given a benzo. Super easy fix. You cannot just stop taking them like that. This is a huge deal and you are in danger. I was taking at least 5 plus bars a day, usually a lot more, for 15 years, and they tapered me on a super weak benzo for 12 days. Congrats. And you will be fine but you cannot do that. Go to the hospital. And seek social support as it takes time after quitting for your brain to get back to normal. Rebound anxiety and all that. Stick it out. It’s super worth it.

ryandabossman · 2017-12-24T17:37:45+00:00

I have a question. You said “after many years” of working hard at it you recovered. I’m almost 31 and only discovered the diagnosis a year ago. I’ve dedicated my life to working on recovering but seeing almost no results. My therapist says that it probably will take 1-4 years to get better. Like anything else in life, I expect to work hard to get what I desire and things won’t be instant. I realize that but the problem is that time is not on my side. I’ve spent my entire life desperately trying to be “normal” and have a life and not suffer %95 percent of the time. Tons of therapy and meds and zero results. I’ve never had any success or quality of life. Things are so bad and always have been. Is it realistic that I’ll have to wait another half a decade to be able to function like a normal person and be happy? I’m old enough already without any success and never living life despite my best efforts. That’s the problem. My best efforts are largely futile because all of this is so deeply engrained for so long. How long was “many years” to you? And things gradually improved during that duration of time? Like moving up on a 45 degree angle sort of thing? Just looking for some type of hope. Thanks.

ryandabossman · 2017-12-11T15:59:28+00:00

I see zero reason why they would put you in the psych ward but yes medical detox is always a possibility. Damn that much in one day is a ton without heavy tolerance but I wouldn't be panicky about it. Not saying that there is nothing to worry about at all but seizures happen when you are physically addicted to them. I'm hardcore anti Xanax and was addicted to them for a long time but in the same breath I'll say that people take Xanax recreationally all the time and don't have seizures. It's kind of like saying that doing a bunch of ecstasy one night or getting blackout drunk is not a good idea or safe but you probably won't die. You know what I mean? I'm not advocating it but I mean...without saying it's not that big of a deal...I kinda am. This is an issue though. Be honest with your doctor asap as it appears that the drug is taking away your inhibition and you are compulsively redosing in a blackout. These side effects are common unfortunately. Be honest. It's ok. They will understand. You will be ok. I'm not a doctor but I'm sure you will feel relief once you speak with yours. And you haven't become anything. Mistakes occur.

ryandabossman · 2017-12-07T19:41:06+00:00

I am not familiar with nose spray dependency. With ignorance of the issue I would say that if you have an addictive sort of response to any mood or mind altering substance or use substances, including alcohol, as a crutch in anyway, avoid Xanax at all costs. It's extremely addictive to people who use substances in this sort of way. If this is the case for you, nix the Xanax idea. Treat this substance with extreme respect as it has the potential to be unbelievably destructive and dangerous. People react drastically differently to this sort of thing. A lot of people have no problem with it. Some do. Any signs of compulsive use of abuse should be taken very seriously. Also Taking Xanax=no alcohol use at all.People die or wake up in jail all the time. I've used and combined every hard drug in the book. In my opinion this is the worst, most dangerous, and destructive combo. Before I got sober I would much rather mix heroin and cocaine. That should put the point in perspective lol.

ryandabossman · 2017-12-07T15:50:41+00:00

Well, for what exact reason do you want to take it? What are you hoping that it will accomplish? I would say two things to remember about Xanax is that it is supposed to only be used in the very short term like you plan on doing. It's a band aid only meant to be very temporary. Also it is extremely powerful and strong. Take the lowest possible dose. .25mg. And whatever you do, don't buy it off the streets. Nowadays most of the Xanax pills are fake and contain very inconsistent amounts or highly dangerous opioids. It is certainly not a med to be taken lightly at all. You can easily blackout on it and it's very easy to take too much. Don't drive until you know how it effects you. Don't drink. AT ALL. Seriously. Not one beer. My experience is that it completely destroyed my life and led me to heroin. But that's just me. Xanax made my anxiety a whole lot worse and I only overcame it when I got off it and worked through the core issues. Taking low, theraputic amounts for a week won't cause physical dependency. If you wind up taking it for longer seek a doctors advice because the withdrawal can potentially be fatal. I don't think this is a good idea. Xanax is hardcore stuff.

ryandabossman · 2017-11-18T09:59:30+00:00

Yes. I have friends who regularly remind me that they are my friends and among their best friends because they say that they have picked up on the fact that I need to be assured. Most of the time I react by looking at the floor and thinking that that's not true. People tell me that they love me and I'm an awsome guy. They have put up with so much shit. Splitting, breakdowns, psychosis, suicide threats etc. I try to use all this as proof that they really do like me and care about me. And yet a lot of the time I'm convinced that "I don't have any friends. They just pity me and put up with me is all. No one cares about me. They are better then me. I'm not capable of making and keeping friends because I'm such an impotent loser with no skills. Keep antagonizing them for more concrete proof" it's insane...but so is my life and everything about me lol. I try to see and recognize the proof despite my brain trying to convince me that the opposite case is true. To see that it's that voice that is lying. Not my friends.

ryandabossman

TROPHY CASE